Above the Clouds
by image of nothing
Summary: To prevent war from erupting across the world. Konoha annuls its alliance with Sunagakure, and turns to Kumogakure. The condition for allying, being that Naruto Uzumaki must marry a Kumogakure kuniochi. A Dracohalo117 challenge. NarutoXMabui.
1. Above the Clouds

**Above the Clouds**

******Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah naruto. blah, blah, blah kishimoto. blah, blah, blah lawsuit**

* * *

"ugh"

Naruto drowsily opened his eyes, and sat up. He gave a sleepy look at his surroundings. Clouds! Clouds everywhere.

There was nothing, but cool blue sky, as far as the eye could see. The only one around was him, on a flat circular platform.

He was dreaming! One of those peaceful flying dreams. He needed this. Every other dreams he had for the last few weeks have just been awful nightmares.

The blond laid back down, eagle-spread, closed his eyes, and exhaled. The only thing that could make this dream better, was ramen raining from the sky.

"hey, easy sleeper! Why don't ya open up 'dem peepers!"

Naruto ignored the voice in his dream. Didn't sound like anyone he knew, and he damn well wasn't letting reality ruin a perfectly good sleep.

"hey fool! Sleepin' all cool! Ya cool fool"

God! what's wrong with his dream. It started off nice...till some...thing decided to do some horrible rhymes in his ear.

"so this is the strongest of us...quite easy going, I must say"

Now there were two voices in his dream, bugging him. Female sounding, this time. But not Sakura-chan. He didn't care about voices in his dream that weren't Sakura-chan.

"It's the Eight, an the Two! Wake up, ya foo'!"

Sighing, the blond finally decided to pay attention to the annoying voices. He sat up, and opened his eyes. Blue eyes met sunglasses, and dark iris'. Before him were a petite; young blond women, and a buff; blond black man.

"yo!...what's up?" Naruto asked his dream people.

"hello, I'm Yugito Nii..." she introduced, while holding out her hand.

"Naruto Uzumaki..." he shook the women's hand.

"The heavyweight! The Eight! Killer B!" the boisterous man, introduced himself.

"yes well...Uzumaki-san" Yugito said, ignoring her partner. "I thought it would be a good gesture to greet casually...I dragged B-san here as well"

"why would you do that, dream person?" Naruto asked, standing up.

_dream person?...he is a weird one..._ Yugito thought to herself.

"I just figured since we jinchuriki are now in the same village we should meet at least once" she smiled at him.

"jinchuriki! You guy's are dream jinchuriki?" Naruto asked.

"um...yes...dream jinchuriki...however you like to say it" Yugito agreed.

'To each, his own' she remembered someone saying. She couldn't really fault him for being strange. Just look at the person next to her.

Killer B had tuned out the rest of the conversation, and began weaving his lyrical ninjutsu! Blessing the notebook he carried on him, with another epic poem.

Naruto looked at the two of them, and smiled. He was dreaming of meeting other jinchuriki. This made him long for his old friend even more.

But hey! If this is a dream, then he can dream of him. Dream...of Gaara. Reality might have robbed him of his friend, but in a dream...

"okay! Here we go...and...Gaara...Gaara..." He tried using dream powers to summon his old friend.

"Gaara...Gaara? It's not working. Ah!"

Naruto remembered! He had to close his eyes first. Same way the first two appeared. He covered his eyes with his hands, and when he reopened them...nothing?

Where the hell was Gaara in his dream. Doing dream paperwork! He needs to get his sandy ass down here, and get some dream adventure on!

"Gaara?...the Kazekage!..." Yugito asked, wondering what the blond nin was doing.

"yeah...I'm trying to summon him" Naruto answered.

Naruto clapped his hands together, and concentrated. Trying to focus his...'dream chakra' to bring the sand ninja into existence.

"summon him?" Yugito stared, wide-eyed. "but the Kazekage's dead. How on earth you gonna summon him?"

Naruto froze...he was dead in the dream world too! But...ugh. And this dream started off so well too.

"arg...I can't even dream about him" Naruto whined.

"I guess that's enough dreaming...I'm ready to wake up now!" Naruto shouted to the sky.

"this...isn't a dream..." Yugito stated, incredulous.

"Dreamin'! Reamin'! Beamin'! Teamin'! Yeah!" B muttered to himself.

"of course it is! I mean look around" Naruto replied.

"we're hovering in the sky...there's no one around but us! I should be in Konoha, sleeping right no-"

He was interrupted by Yugito giving him a hard pinch on the cheek. That hurt! Who did she think she was, pinching him on the...pain?

"that...hurt" the blond stated, holding his poor cheek.

"you don't feel pain in a dream right?" Yugito asked. "ergo, this is not a dream"

"but-but-but...the clouds!" He stuttered, confused.

"this is Kumogakure...the village hidden in the clouds" she answered.

"t-this platform we're on...hovering in the sky!" he countered.

"we're not hovering in the sky...we're on the roof of a building" she counter-countered.

Naruto look over the edge of the 'hovering platform', and saw that it was indeed a building. Many buildings! It was a whole village.

"real, but this isn't Konoha?" he panicked.

He looked around, and got a real look at the village. Mountainous, and cloudy. Kumogakure was a village of platforms with no real ground in sight.

The blond suddenly gained a sense of vertigo, and fell back from the edge. Not Konoha! Not Konoha at all. How did he get here? Sleep walking, had it's limits. Certainly, climbing up mountains was that limit.

"WHY AM I HHHHHHEEEEERRRRRREEEEEE!"

* * *

Tsunade surveyed her subordinates. As well as her advisors, the elders Homura, and Koharu. A big decision had been building up, and the day finally arrived to put it in motion.

All members of Konoha, recognized as speaking on behalf of their respective parties, were called to assemble.

Nara clan, Hyuga clan, Aburame clan, Yamanaka clan, Akamichi clan, and respected jonin attended. Even Danzo, deigned to show. All seated around each other.

There was no easy way to go about it. Sunagakure was finished! The Kazekage; dead. Wind Diamyo; abandoning them. And civil war; impending. The only thing keeping the village afloat was it's still in effect alliance with Konoha.

Something that was about to change today!

"so...what's it going to be?" Tsunade asked. "Iwa or Kumo?"

They were severing their ties with Suna, and looking into allying with another nation. Once they left, Sunagakure would be left to crumble.

Only problem...the two remaining villages were outright antagonistic to Konoha. Iwagakure, and Kumogakure. They only had an armistice alliance with the both of them. All that meant is that they wouldn't openly murder one another...as much.

"we tried a peace treaty with Kumogakure twice, hence" Homura started.

"The Niidaime died by Kumo ninja hands...shortly after the botched peace treaty with the second Raikage" he said.

"yes...I abhore both choices..." Koharu chimed in. "is the Mist village, not an option"

"no...the village hidden in the 'bloody' mist, is no option" Homura stated.

"while Kirigakure has been the least hostile...their brutality is known, and they have a tight rein on information coming out of the village"

"we have no idea who the current Mizukage is" he continued.

"and if it turns out the Yondaime Mizukage is still in charge...are we going to get into bed with a monster who pitted graduate students against one another in a fight to the death?" he rhetorically asked.

"hmmm" Koharu hummed, silenced.

"right, Kirigakure. Not an option" Tsunade announced, looking over to them.

"so, which one?"

The Godaime Hokage looked around the room. They've been in deliberations for weeks. Meeting after meeting. No one liked the proceedings. No one wanted to be there.

Kumogakure has tried to rob Konoha blind for years. Using the most underhanded tactics. From Kidnapping, to sacrificing their own in twisted machinations.

Hiashi Hyuga silently balled up a fist, but said nothing. He had some choice words, but kept them quiet. He'd speak only when a decision was made.

He still remembered the backhanded audacity Kumo had, kidnapping his daughter, and dare demanding retribution; when he retaliated.

There was Iwagakure. But Konoha, and Iwa hated each other so much, the Chunin Exams were the only tangible contact they made with one another.

The third Hokage, and the third Tsuchikage, never even sat beside one another while presiding over the Chunin Exams, Held in Iwa.

And it was against Iwa ninja, that Tsunade's beloved brother Nawaki died. Mutilated beyond recognition...the sannin shook those biased thoughts away.

So which one? The enemy who antagonized, because they wanted what you have. Or the enemy who despised you so much, they wanted nothing to do with you.

"we can't really win this one" Shikaku Nara spoke. "The Raikage could ask for anything"

"what do we do, if he asks for another Hyuga..." He asked those around him.

"we refuse..." Hiashi answered. "I'll say this now...if we do choose Kumo..."

"No Hyuga will step foot in the land of lightning" he exclaimed.

Hiashi Hyuga stood and left. No matter the outcome, the Hyuga will not have anything to do with it. Anything asked of him, would be rebuked.

But first he needed to speak with the rest of the clan. It wouldn't be like the day he lost his brother. This time, no one in his family was going to cross him in this.

"why ally ourselves with anyone?" Danzo spoke up. "the smaller nations are taking notice of Sunagakure's state"

"instead of bending a knee to former enemies, let us absorb Sunagakure, and it's resources, before the other nations do the same" he continued.

Danzo spoke with confidence. Situations like this, are where is talents shined. Soon Sunagakure would crumble, and the smaller nations would move in like vultures.

"that would trigger the civil war in Suna...then a world war when the other nations pounce in" Tsunade responded.

"we consolidate Sunagakure swiftly..." Danzo replied. "then it will be nothing we cannot handle"

"we must consider the possibility of peaceful resolution" Tsunade returned. "we will not jump into a war"

"the Raikage is known to be stubborn, and overbearing in the best of circumstances" Danzo countered.

"we must consider the possibility of a fourth shinobi war" he continued. "instead of one the five nations, let's consider making a pact with a smaller nation"

"why bother with a smaller nation" Homura asked. "alliance with any other than the great five, will not prevent war"

"not prevent war. Prepare for war" Danzo explained. "Amegakure for example is small, but powerful. Let's not forget it's leader Hanzo the salamander"

"the man who named the legendary sannin...he is indeed a powerful presence" Koharu chimed in.

"and of the smaller nation Ame certainly does well for itself" Homura mentioned. "it receives the most request out of all the smaller countries"

"Amegakure has been a constant battlefield in every war, I can foresee an alliance with them, rather than Kumogakure" Danzo stated.

"hypothetically speaking, how do plan on getting their agreement" Tsunade asked, not buying his words.

"simple...giving him a seat as the new Kage" Danzo clarified.

Everyone in the room, looked towards the old warhawk, like he was crazy. What he was suggesting was totally insane. Just give the seat of Kage to Amegakure!

"Hanzo wants nothing more than to see his rule maintained" Danzo said. "offering him a place as one of the Kage would entice him greatly"

"Ame has not the power to assume status as one of the five" Tsunade spoke. "and we can't just give it to them, the other nations have to recognize them as well"

"Konoha will be the support Ame stands upon" Danzo answered. "as for recognition, winning the war with us will open the eyes of the other leaders"

"you're suggesting using Ame as a puppet empire" Inoichi spoke up. "then bullying the other nations...but that plan only works, if we win"

"we will win" Danzo confidently, stated

"Ame has an even tighter grip on info than Kirigakure, it's leader; so paranoid, and untrusting even children must go through security checks" Tsunade countered.

"we can't trust someone, who doesn't trust anyone" she stated.

Tsunade, and Danzo shared a steely glare towards on another. They both stood at the exact opposite end of each others Ideals. Homura, and Koharu looked between them, noticing the intensity occurring. Homura coughed to get their attention back on talking.

"Amegakure is no option, then" Homura said.

* * *

Tsunade, and her entourage stood just outside the office of the Raikage. Preparing to present themselves.

Tsunade remembered little A, back when he was just a snot nosed brat. He'd grown pretty high, and mighty since he became Raikage. It was always about manliness with him. Now it's to the point, he even stopped wearing shirts all together.

She knew he would take anyone less than the Hokage, as an insult. So she came personally to extend the peace treaty. She inhaled, and exhaled. This was probably going to be the most annoying thing she's ever done.

"Hokage-sama!" C called opening the door. "welcome to Kumogakure"

* * *

A sat silently before Tsunade. Neither one of them made sound when they met. And no one around dared to be the one to break the silence.

They just stared one another down. Not even pretending to care about civilities or politeness. It was just one powerful ninja, locking eyes with another.

"well..." A finally spoke. "let's not waste time...and get right to it"

"we've come for an alliance with Kumo..." Tsunade started. "Sunagakure is in danger of disappearing, and the whole world is getting ready for the fallout"

"if we don't establish peace, a fourth shinobi war is right around the corner" she continued.

"that's why I've come to you..." she finished.

"And why would I agree to this...Kumo does not fear war" A replied.

"you would allow a fourth war, when a simple alliance between two nations could prevent it" Tsunade argued.

"the weak die, and the strong survive! A ninja does not compromise!" A shouted.

"that may be, but as of this moment, you, and I, are not ninja!" Tsunade shouted back.

"we are diplomats, deciding the fate of their villages! Can you stop being such a stubborn fool, long enough to see that!" she demanded.

"...and what would Konoha be willing give up for this peace" A asked, considering her.

"you would demand a price for keeping the peace!" Tsunade questioned.

"there can be no peace without sacrifice..." A said plainly.

Tsunade glared at A. This was expected, and prepared for, but it angered her all the same. He wanted her to kiss his ass, and she was going to go along with it.

"yes...well we have brought offerings to present to you" Tsunade motioned to her entourage. "in addition to dividing Sunagakure with yo-"

"you offer up your ally, and speak of conquering them" A interrupted her. "how can I ally with Konoha, when you speak of betrayal, so casually"

Tsunade felt a twinge of anger well up within. His arrogance was indeed annoying. But kept herself under control. She knew, he was testing her.

"Sunagakure cannot be saved, else we would be attempting that instead" she answered.

"..." A remained quiet.

"Konoha will annul it's alliance with Sunagakure" she announced.

"hm...and establish one with Kumo instead. Together we'll squash the impending civil war, and absorb what remains, between our two countries" A correctly surmised.

"That's right" Tsunade confirmed. "Several parties of conflicted Sunagakure shinobi have already fled from their country to join ours"

"we will give these shinobi to kum-"

"jinchuriki!" A interrupted again.

"w-what do you mean" Tsunade balled her fists. Being interrupted again, was trying her patience.

"Konoha has still has it's jinchuriki, correct...surrender him to Kumo" A explained.

"..."

Tsunade could only stand in silence. Of all the things for the things for him to ask for! It was always a possibility, Kumogakure has history of attempts to gain the Kyubi.

"that is all I ask for...do this and our alliance is guaranteed" A said.

"it's not that easy...our jinchuriki is...he will not come to Kumo willingly...at all" Tsunade growled.

"who is he?" A asked.

Tsunade snapped her fingers, Shizune walked up, and handed the Raikage a folder. Tsunade prepared portfolios on all her subordinates, in case it was asked of her.

"Naruto Uzumaki..." he mumbled, looking over the blond's information.

"interesting! It say here, he is the student of Jiraiya" he asked lifting an eyebrow. "are they in any way at all alike?"

"...very...alike" Tsunade cryptically answered.

"very well...Mabui!" he called out to his assistant.

"yes, Raikage-sama..." she approached, and bowed respectfully.

"A picture of yourself, if you would"

She swiftly did as told. Handing her picture to him. He then handed the picture to Tsunade, who gave him a puzzled look.

"tell the student of Jiraiya, that for his part, he shall receive Mabui as his wife"

"huh?...come again" Tsunade asked, not believing her ears.

"Naruto Uzumaki will marry a Kunoichi of Kumogakure! At this wedding, both Kumo, and Konoha will celebrate the joining of lives, and of nations!" A reiterated.

"even if you...he's not...I mean" Tsunade stuttered.

Despite her incoherent stuttering, A knew what the problem was. This is the student of the Jiraiya; bane of hot springs. A regulation picture of a kunoichi would barely illicit a glance.

"I see...Mabui! Saucier!" he called, again.

Mabui reached into a drawer, and pulled out a magazine. She handed it to the Raikage, and he displayed the cover, for Tsunade to see.

Her eyes widened a little. She recognized it. In fact, a long time ago she herself starred on the cover of the very same magazine. In it, she was named the most beautiful women in the world.

Kunioch! Magazine; the number one publisher to see deadly women with looks that can kill. It was a swimsuit article that starred kuniochi from all over the world in gravure poses.

On the cover was the Raikage's assistant Mabui, posing in a swimsuit, in one of Kumogakure's many hot springs.

"tell the student of Jiraiya, that his wife is none other than Kunioch! Magazine's beauty of the month!" A restated.

"uh...um...hm...somebody save me" Tsunade slumped down.

* * *

Tsunade stared Naruto in the eye from across her desk. He looked back, confused about why she called him, only they silent for like...five minutes.

The Hokage sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, and the outcome was probably going to be the same no matter how she went about it. So she contemplated simply knocking the blond out, and shipping him off to cloud, without any fuss.

"Naruto...we've come into an alliance with Kumogakure" she started speaking.

"Kumo?...sounds familiar?" Naruto (stupidly) said.

"to solidify our union, the Raikage has asked for a boon from Konoha" she continued, ignoring him.

"..." Naruto stared at her, confused.

Solidify? Boon? Hard words. The only thing he could make out from that sentence, was the Raikage asked for something.

"he asked for our jinchuriki...you Naruto. You are to move to Kumo, and we-"

"wait! What are you trying to say, granny" he interrupted.

"if you let me...FINISH!...you'll understand right away" she slammed her fists onto her desk.

"you are to move to, and wed a kunoichi in Kumogakure" she...finished.

"so...move...as in...not live in Konoha anymore?" he asked.

"...yes"

"well, I won't do it...and this wedding a kunoichi...what's up with that?" he angrily said.

"...let me make this as clear to you as I can...This. Is. Not. Up. For. Debate" Tsunade punctuated.

Naruto took a step back, and put his arms up defensively, seeing the dangerous glare in the Hokages eyes. She wasn't just joking around with him.

"you're going to live in Kumogakure. You're going to marry a kuniochi of the Raikage's choosing. And you are going, right now. Start packing!" she growled.

"no way...I can't waste time on this! Akatsuki! Those bastards killed Gaara, and I'm gonna make them pay" Naruto raised a fist.

"I'm afraid that's also a reason you're going to Kumogakure..." Tsunade said, calming down. "the Akatsuki just walked right in to Sunagakure, and took the Kazekage without any trouble whatsoever..."

"you're in danger...it's best if you go to Kumogakure" her voice soften up, at that statement.

"in comparison to other villages, Kumo is downright progressive when it comes to jinchuriki" she said. "the Hachibi jinchuriki is the brother of the Raikage...he'll take care of you"

"I'm not afraid of Akatsuki, and I won't hide like some...scaredy cat" Naruto said, remembering a choice word from his former friend.

"it's great that you're not afraid, but you're still going to have to...not hide from them in Kumogakure" she shrugged.

"come on! Don't I get any say in this! I don't even know this chick you're talking about" Naruto whined.

Tsunade sighed, and pulled open her drawer. She place a magazine on her desk, and directed Naruto's eyes to it.

"this is who you're marrying..." she pointed at the cover.

Naruto picked up the magazine, held it to his face, and examined it closely. Kunoich! Magazine...he was familiar with that particular publisher.

He looked intently at the cover. The girl on the cover. In a white swimsuit, posing by a hot spring. The beauty of the month! Lovely Mabui, it said.

His wife? Impossible! A model in his favorite swimsuit mag...must be some kind of trick! Well, he's not falling for it.

"she-she's not so special" Naruto stated, unaware of his massive nosebleed.

"...Sunagakure's on the verge of collapse, and once it does, every village is going to jump on it, to gain the spoils" Tsunade sighed.

"All you have to do is marry one cute girl, and a fourth shinobi war is completely averted" Tsunade reasoned, seeing him holding strong, but his will breaking.

"Suna's gonna collapse?" Naruto asked, surprised.

Damn. Why did she have to say that! Naruto wasn't going to let the fact that they were abandoning Suna slide. Why couldn't he just take the boobies, and go?

"we gotta do something...we can't just let Gaara's village disappear!" he shouted.

"we can't save Suna..." she said immediately.

"what?...no, we have to try! We have to to! For Gaara, and granny Chiyo" Naruto argued.

"we've already considered every possiblity...trying to save Suna will only lead to war"

"but-"

"enough!" SHE interrupted, this time. "there is only one way this doesn't end in total chaos, and it's if two villages ally, and take control of the situation in Suna before it explodes..."

"but-"

"it's this or the apocalypse, Naruto!" she finalized her argument with that.

"Now you either go peacefully or..." She cracked her knuckle, and let the meaning therein finish her sentence.

"you're gonna have to catch me first!" he said, indignantly.

Naruto took off running from the Hokage tower, and made a thousand shadow clone to cover his escape. He wasn't getting married; grandma's gonna have to find somebody else to sell to Kumogakure.

Tsunade glared out of her window, and watched Naruto make 'what he thinks' was a brilliant escape. Too bad for him though...the game was on!

"Yamato!" she called, and the ninja in question appeared.

"mission priority one: subdue Naruto Uzumaki, and prepare for transfer" she commanded.

"yes! Hokage-sama" he nodded.

He flickered out of the room, and went after Naruto. She completely expected his reaction, and already had his possessions packed, so all she needed was the boy himself. she walked out of her office, confident of Yamato's success.

Now it was time for her check up on Danzo, and make sure none of his backhanded schemes were in the works. If her peaceful resolution worked, his war resolution wouldn't be needed, and she needed to make sure, he understood that.

* * *

Naruto slurped up a filling bowl of ramen noodles. He just remembered why he was in Kumogakure.

Grandma Tsunade, and the Raikage arranged a marriage for him to what, probably will not be Mabui the Kunoich! model.

He needed fuel for the day, so he asked Yugito Nii, if the village happened to have a place he could get some ramen.

She took him to the local ramen shop, and left. Stating that she had to prepare a dress for his...wedding day. No getting used to that.

The shop's name was Ukarichi ramen, and had this...strange feeling about it. He'd never been to cloud country before, but this ramen felt like a small piece of home.

"can I get you anything else?" Ayamu, his server asked.

Ukarichi ramen was a family owned shop, served by old lady Tseuki, and her young son Ayamu. Something was just so familiar about them, he just couldn't place his finger on it.

"hey, you guys seem familiar...you guy's ever been to Ichiraku ramen" Naruto asked.

"Ichiraku ramen?...oh!...heh heh...funny! You're funny!" Tseuki chuckled.

"that was pretty original too...here funny guy, have another, on the house" she said, still laughing.

Naruto didn't get, what was so funny...but free ramen, yay! He asked for another order of miso ramen, and chowed down.

"I know you! You're the guy getting married in a few days" Ayamu said.

Naruto choked a little. Did everyone already know about it? Was this that big a deal?

"uh yeah..."

"man, that's the shindig of the year, I wish our restaurant got invited to cook! imagine the publicity...a whole other nation" Ayamu beamed.

"uh...sure...you can come cook..." Naruto half-mindedly said.

"what! Really! Do you mean that!" Ayamu asked, excitedly.

"of course, I hate to be there, and find no ramen"

"did you hear that ma, we've been invite to cook at the wedding! From the groom, no less" he shouted back to his mother in the kitchen.

"whoa! All right then, Ayamu wrap it up" she emerged. "we're closing up, early. We've got supplies to get"

"and you! As thanks, you get a free bowl a ramen from us, every month for the rest of your life!" she stated.

"WOW!" Naruto bellowed.

"making yourself at home, huh" a familiar voice called out from behind.

Naruto turned, and laid eyes on none other than his own sensei; Jiraiya standing with a cheeky smirk, and his arms crossed.

"pervy sage!" Naruto got up, and hugged his master.

Naruto wasn't normally this touchy-feely with the old perv, but seeing a familiar face, among all the strangers. Just felt so refreshing.

"yes, yes, come on now...you've got a wife for this kind of stuff now" Jiraiya joked, and pushed him away.

"oh...you heard about that..." Naruto said, slumping down.

"of course I did...I was invited personally" he said, while pointing to himself.

"you were invited to my wedding...who's giving out these invitations?" the blond pondered.

"are you saying you wouldn't have invited me? Oh Naruto...you're gonna break my heart" Jiraiya dramatically held his chest.

"no, no it's not that it's just...who exactly is coming? I'm definitely not the one inviting people" Naruto scratched his head, nervously.

"everyone..." Jiraiya answered.

"everyone...Sakura-chan is coming?" he smiled at thought of his teammate.

"and Tsunade-hime, and Kakashi, AND...all your friends back home, are getting ready for this celebration...except for those Hyuga friends of yours" Jiraiya said.

"Neji, and Hinata...they're not coming?" Naruto's eyes widened in surprise.

"nope! Hiashi Hyuga; the clan head, has forbidden all Hyuga from attending" Jiraiya curtly said.

"that's pretty rude! wh-"

"It's not about you, it's about...the clan head just doesn't feel they'd be safe" Jiraiya cut him off.

"safe? Wh-"

"no, no, no...I didn't come here to talk politics...I came to meet your wife" Jiraiya interrupted, with a perverted leer.

"beauty of the month...you lucky dog, you!" the sannin beamed, and gave him a thumbs up.

"I haven't met her, yet" Naruto, said dismissively.

"damn! I'll have to wait till the wedding for you to introduce me" He said snapping his fingers.

"I have to say when Tsunade told me, I didn't believe you would agree so readily" he changed the subject. "I mean, you...agreeing to leave Konoha to live in Kumo? Not on your life"

"but then she showed me who you would be marrying..." he paused to motion an hourglass figure with his hands.

"I don't blame you for giving up the freedom to leave, for that!...I'd take that ball, and chain, gladly!" he laughed, heartily.

Naruto just sighed. Of course that's why he's here, to ogle his supposedly hot wife...wait? What did he say giving up the freedom to leave?

"pervy sage...what did mean by that...give up my freedom, you're not saying my wife going be some sort of fire-breathing dragon, are you" Naruto grimaced.

"what?...no...they didn't tell you?" he got serious, and said cryptically.

"tell me...what?" Naruto asked, a little freaked out.

Jiraiya placed a hand on the blond's shoulder, and gave him a stern look in the eye. He didn't think he'd be the one to have to break the news.

"Naruto...a long time ago, the Raikage declared an official decree, that the jinchuriki of Kumogakure are forbidden from leaving the village..."

"..." Naruto stared, speechless.

"you can never leave Kumogakure...I'm sorry" Jiraiya gave him a sympathetic look.

"..."

* * *

"RAIKAGE!"

A looked up, and paused from his exercise routine. It was the Kyubi jinchuriki; Naruto Uzumaki. He knew Tsunade transferred him to Kumo, but hadn't thought to make an introduction, until the wedding.

But since he's decided to present himself, he might as well give his new shinobi, the welcome.

"Naruto Uzumaki...greetings, I am the lord Raikage of Kumogakure, I welc-"

"IS IT TRUE, I CAN NEVER LEAVE THE VILLAGE!" the blond continued shouting.

"...it is indeed correct" A confirmed for him, just a little annoyed. "jinchuriki are forbidden from leaving Kumogakure"

"you can't do that, I've got something I've got to do...a promise I need to keep" Naruto argued.

"say, no more" the Raikage dropped his bar bell, and stood.

Darui, and C shifted nervously. Everyone in the room took a step back, giving the Raikage, and Naruto ample space. They knew what was about to go down.

"my very own brother; Killer B has often made his complaints known" A walked forward. "he is the Hachibi jinchuriki, and like you; confined to this village"

"but I am not without a sense of fair play" he removed his robes, and hat. "a challenge! Defeat me in competition, and I will allow you free passage to, and from this village!"

"but know, my brother has challenged me, one hundred, and eight times, and never triumphed" he was practically standing over Naruto, as he said this.

"...I'll do it! What's the challenge?" the blond said, determined.

Everyone in the room, took an even further step back. Naruto noticed, and looked around confused. They were all giving this weird look, he couldn't place his finger on.

"accepted! The challenge is a head on clash between two lariats! Yours and mine! The stronger, wins!" A stated, crouching down, into position.

"...what's a lariat?" Naruto asked.

The air around the room somehow grew colder from that statement. Darui stepped forward, and cleared his throat.

"a lariat is...well...you simply extend your arm, outward and rush towards your opponent, like this" Darui extended his arm, and rushed forward in demonstration.

"you aim for your opponent's neck, and...lariat" he shrugged his shoulders.

"oh! A clothesline!" Naruto said, getting it.

"is that what they call it in Konoha?...clothesline!" Darui stroked his chin.

"so you understand!" A asked, still in position.

"yes, definitely" he said excited, clasping a fist in the palm of one hand.

"then take your position there! Darui will say when it's time to begin!" A said, stiffening up.

"Okay!"

Naruto, Happily saluted, took position, and mimicked the Raikage's posture. Crouching down with one fist on the ground, and hand on one knee.

"and...GO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh hhhhhh!"

* * *

Naruto crashed through the window of the Raikage office, and slammed into a far away platform, below it. He lost! That much was obvious, but somehow **he** didn't see himself lose.

It happened so fast! One moment he's ready to...lariat. The next, he's flying through air. He didn't see the Raikage move. Did he use some jutsu to push him or was he really that fast.

In any case it didn't matter. He had to leave this village someday; kick Sasuke's ass, kick Orochimaru's ass, and then kick Akatsuki's ass. He had so much ass to kick, he should make a list. He ran back up into the building. Victory in his heart, and even more convicted to win.

"RAIKAGE!" Naruto's loud voice, and stomping footsteps rang throughtout the building.

"I DEMAND A REMATCH!" the blond shouted, bustling, back into A's office.

"Darui!" A said, getting into position.

Darui stepped forward, and prepared to referee. He had a somewhat amused expression on his face. Two challenges in one day. Their new comrade was brave or insane.

"I gotcha this time" Naruto said, taking position

"and...GO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh hhhhhh!"

Naruto's voice faded out as he flew from the same hole he put in the window, the first time.

* * *

Okay! So he really was that fast! Naruto was surprised the first time, but this time he definitely saw the Raikage move. He moved so fast, he actually crossed the distance between them, before the blond even advanced an inch.

But that was just round one...two. One more time, ought to be enough to get a handle on this. He made his way back up the building, to the wide-eyed disbelief of everyone in the room.

The Raikage simply smiled at the blond's tenacity. He assumed his new Kumo ninja had given up.

"rematch!" Naruto said, walking in.

Everyone, once again took a step back, and sighed. They thought the challenges were through for today. Darui shook his head, and stepped forward.

"and...go..." he said with as little excitement as possible.

* * *

Naruto awoke with a splitting headache. He lost...again! That Raikage guy, was something else. The blond never even got the chance to move.

"you're really something else" C said using his medical ninjutsu to soothe Naruto.

"even B-san stops, after the first loss" C smiled.

Naruto sat up, aching. His everything hurt! That Raikage guy hits as hard as grandma Tsunade. He wobbly stood up on jello legs.

"re-rematch!" Naruto dizzily said.

"I don't advise that...if you keep this up...we'll have to postpone the marriage, while you recover in the hospital" C said, holding Naruto's shoulders to prevent him from falling.

"I have to...save Sasuke...and avenge Gaara...and...and" he was too tired to finish.

"Gaara the Kazekage...you want revenge on Akatsuki for killing him..." C asked. "I didn't know any other jinchuriki were close, besides B-san, and Yugito-san"

"yeah...he was my friend...he and granny Chiyo died because of them" Naruto responded. "then there's Sasuke's brother; Itachi...and Orochimaru...theres so much I need to do" he grunted.

Naruto pushed himself off C, and tried walking. Pepared to make his way back up to the Raikage for another challenge.

"I'll make that Raikage guy acknowledge me, if it's the last thing I do!" Naruto exclaimed, raising a fist.

"the will of fire!" Mabui said, approaching her future husband.

"you?..." Naruto said, slack-jawed, disbelieving.

Mabui stood in front of him, and smiled. It really was her. The model from the magazine. Her light green eyes, her creamy chocolate skin, her light grey hair. The only thing missing was the lack of clothes!

"hello, Naruto. I am your wife Mabui Uzumaki, I'm the personal assistant to Raikage-sama" she introduced herself.

"...your last name is Uzumaki too?.." he asked, surprised.

"of course! You, and I are getting married, so I took the liberty of unofficially calling myself by your family name...before it becomes official" She bowed, politely.

C put a hand to chin, and furrowed his brows in thought. It wasn't the first time he heard someone state the will of fire. But where was it?...oh!

"the will of fire?...yes I did hear that phrase before" C thought to himself.

"yeah...a Konoha shinobi I met, gave me a really moving speech involving that phrase..." C remembered. "...right before I killed him.."

C looked over to see Naruto, and even Mabui giving him an annoyed look. He grew nervous from their total lack of response.

"...but...of course I'm sure he...was a better speech writer than ninja" Naruto silently stared at C for a 'awkward in his opinion' amount of time.

"..."

...of all Konoha shinobi I've killed...I'd say his, was..." C paused, noticing the very unamused air around Naruto.

"...I'll just leave you two, to get to know each other" he walked away, embarrassed.

Naruto looked at his future wife. She had an air of calmness around her, and a business-like way of conducting herself. Her facial expressions changed very little, at all. She seemed totally accepting of the situation. She even took on his last name.

"...did you...agree to this..." Naruto asked his...soon-to-be-wife.

"of course" she responded plainly.

"you volunteered to get married?.."

"no...Raikage-sama simply commanded me to do so" Mabui, either didn't notice, or ignored Naruto's jaw dropping.

"so...he just told you to do this, and you said yes.." Naruto said, with a bit of contempt.

"Raikage-sama's will is my will. I happily give myself to you" she bowed again.

"you don't even know me, so you can't possibly love me...why marry someone you don't love?" Naruto asked, tiredly.

"to prevent a fourth shinobi world war, and broker peace between two nations" she said in a 'matter of fact' sort of way.

"...but don't you think your feelings matter at all" Naruto sadly, asked.

"you keep talking about me...but really you are talking about yourself" Mabui replied, while staring her fiancé right in the eyes.

Naruto averted his gaze. She pierced straight at the heart of the matter. He looking for problems she had, but really, it was him; looking for an excuse.

"are you displeased with this marriage?"

Mabui placed a hand on his cheek, and returned his gaze to her. They stood silently for a moment, looking one another in eyes.

Naruto looked down away from her, after a while. She was pretty no doubt, but her face just kept reminding him of his pink-haired teammate; Sakura-chan.

And Sakura-chan reminded of his promise, and his promise reminded him of Sasuke, and Sasuke reminded him of Orochimaru...and Orochimaru reminded him of Akatsuki...and Akatsuki reminded him of Gaara.

There was just one big circle of guilt, twirling around in his head. One thing he said he'd take care of one after the other, and finally...he's going on, like none of it even happened.

"would you rather take another women as your wife?" she asked.

"if you prefer, I could show you some pictures of other Kumo kuniochi" she said.

"no, you're...you're...beautiful. I can't imagine doing any better" he nervously, replied.

And there was always the fact that, no matter who he picked, it was still going to be another stranger. He already got a model, so why push his luck.

He just didn't think politics would be the main reason for him getting married. He thought he'd at least get to fall in love before he finally took the big step.

"can you rise above the clouds..." Mabui said, breaking him from his stupor.

"huh..." he looked her back in the eyes.

"can you rise above the clouds, when pelted with hail" she continued.

"can you rise above the clouds, when struck by lightning" she placed a hand on his stomach.

"can you rise above the clouds, when tossed around by a tornado" she brought her hand up to his chest.

"can you rise above the clouds" she touched his forehead with her finger.

"it's a saying in Kumo" she explained. "we don't have any will of fire, but we teach it to children in the academy"

"right now, a lot of people are counting on us to show them, we don't have to be enemies"

"and the only boon asked of you, is to get married, and be happy together with me" she said.

"instead of going to war, our people are going to come together, and celebrate" she took him by the hands. "to drink together, and laugh together"

"it might not solve every problem, everywhere; but we can at least stop it from getting worse" she smiled at him.

Naruto just sighed. He was better at punching problems away, not...marrying them away. This was important to a lot of people, he understood that...but it still felt like doing nothing.

"why don't you just give me a shot...I don't think I'd make too bad a wife" she seductively, hummed.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and brought their faces closer together. She was preparing to kiss him, from what he could tell.

Naruto turned beet red, at the sudden gesture. Kissing! His first ki-Banish the evil thoughts! His second kiss, at least. He pursed his lips, and placed them next to hers.

Their lips touched, and parted quickly. A simple smooch! But an amazing one, he noted. Naruto just noticed that while he kissed her, he wrapped his arms around her waist.

They stayed together for a few moments. Total silence around them. Locked together in a warm embrace. Naruto felt that, like this he could maybe, fall in love with her. The got closer for another kiss, until...

A shadow expanding over them, alerted them to the falling object about to slam into where they are standing.

Picking up his future wife in a bridal style carry, Naruto jumped away. Letting the object slam into the space they were occupying.

"Oh bro! Your left-o's still stronger than my right-o!" Killer B rhymed, rising.

"B-sama" Mabui called.

Naruto let her down, and she walked over to greet the other jinchuriki. Naruto looked up. He fall, just like the blond did a moment ago. He must be the brother, the Raikage was talking about.

"challenged Raikage-sama again, did you" she asked.

"the ceremony is in a few days, why would you want to leave at a time like this?" Mabui smiled at B.

"the land o' fire, and the land o' cloud! Comin' together to get loud!" he rhymed.

"this wedding gonna be one for the ages! Gotta get some inspiration for my hip hop pages!" he rapped out.

Killer B was hard at work! Konoha, and Kumo were going to party, hardy! He was going to put on a rap concert at the after party.

His ordinary beats weren't gonna cut it! He needed to give the performance of a lifetime! He needed to walk the lands, and get his creative juices flowing!

The concert needs to be perfect! Imagine gettin' on stage, an drawin' a blank on a beat! It be a catastrophe! Konoha, and Kumo might start warrin' right then, and there!

No! He needed to bring his A-game! His top notch work! The peace of the world was counting on him!

"yeah!...Mabui, and the Nine..." Killer B started, but trailed off.

"Mabui, and the Nine..." he started again.

"nine...nine...nine" he mumbled to himself.

Naruto stared at him, while Mabui just sighed. As usual B-sama was being his eccentric self.

"hey! Cool fool!" He pointed at Naruto.

"hmm?" the blond raised an eyebrow.

"you been the Kyubi jinchuriki for a while, right!" he asked, for once not rhyming.

"yeah...I've been like this since I was born" he answered.

"coo! Then I challenge you!" B announced.

"challenge?...you wanna do that lariat thing with me?"

"incorrect-o! this Eight-o has a challenge of his own-o!" he rhymed.

"right, I accept" Naruto said, preparing for whatever challenge he thought up.

"alrighty! My challenge is...what...rhymes with nine..." B 'suspensefully' stated.

"..." Mabui, speechless.

"..." Naruto, speechless.

Killer B stood waiting the answer to his challenge! Indeed, it was a tough one! Perhaps he'll have look into buying a dictionary if even the nine-tails jinchuriki couldn't answer.

"...intertwine..." Naruto slowly said.

"...OH!..." B placed his hand on his forehead.

"Mabui, and the Nine intertwine!" B finally finished his rap.

"ho ho, you're stronger than I thought you'd be!" B complimented.

"not since my bro, has my challenge been completed! Ho!" he walked closer to Naruto.

"come on! Lay one on me! Gimme' a rhyme! Cool fool!" he asked.

"what?.." Naruto asked, confused. Mabui leaned, and whispered into his ear.

"oh, you want me to rap" Naruto heard from his future wife.

"..."

"Hey, Hey soon to be HoKaGey! NaRuTo UzuMaKi! so nice to be ME!" Naruto unleashed his 'epic poem'.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Sweet Beat!" B stuck out his fist.

"hm?" Naruto eyed him, curiously. Mabui whispered into his ear again.

"oh!" Naruto bumped fists with Killer B. He was a strange guy. But a pretty cool one.

"stop, an stare! The strongest pair! Eight an' Nine combine! Too fine!" Killer B rhymed.

Intertwine! Combine! Fine!...he was back baby! He kicked that rut in the butt! And it was time to get back to business! Becoming rap champ of the world! Oh yeah!

"no time to gawk! Gotta fly like a hawk!" B took off.

"B-sama..." Mabui mumbled, amused.

"can you rise above the clouds" she turned to Naruto, getting back to their subject.

"...yes...I will marry you, Mabui Uzumaki" he said, bowing, understanding her.

"I graciously accept you, Naruto Uzumaki" she bowed in exchange.

She reached into her cleavage, pulling out a piece of paper. She handed the paper to Naruto, and smiled lightly.

"what's this?" he said, looking over what looked like a list.

"my likes, and dislikes" she said, plainly.

"foot licking?...cuna-cuni-cuniilig" Naruto stuttered out, trying to read the strange word.

"cunnilingus" she clarified.

"what's that?" She whispered into his ear...his jaw dropped, his nose bled, and his face changed colors.

"cuddling, french kissing...69ing, butt play" he read on. "reverse cowgirl...roleplaying?..."

"wha-wha what is this?" he asked, embarrassed.

"I told you, my likes, and dislikes" she said, casually.

"you should give me a list of your likes, and dislikes" she told him. "when we consummate the marriage, this will maximise our sexual efficiency"

"sexual eff-eff...SEX!" he said, surprised.

"yes! Would you prefer we have children now or some time in the future" Mabui asked, businesslike.

"uh...future..." Naruto answered, stunned by her casualness.

"very well, I'll schedule it for another date" she nodded.

"schedule!...you have a plan for all this?"

"correct! Two weeks from today, you, and I will wed" she started.

"eleven a.m. the wedding begins, four p.m. the after party starts, ten p.m. the party ends"

"ten-thirty p.m we arrive at our new home, eleven p.m. we make love, twelve-thirty a.m we sleep"

"four years from now we have children, and twenty years from then, we die in combat"

Naruto stared silently at her. She planned out the times of the wedding. She planned out the time they'd have sex (a whole hour, and thirty minutes! Good God! This woman!) Disturbingly she planned out the time they'd die...in combat no less.

"hey...shouldn't that last one be, live happily ever after, or something" Naruto asked.

"no! We must die in combat, like proper shinobi" She said, as though speaking of the weather.

"...right...totally...of course" Naruto replied, dumbfounded.

"Mabui..." Naruto called her name.

"yes"

"the Raikage's...boon was for us to get married, right!"

"correct"

"hm"

* * *

A stood before the godaime Hokage in his office. Another huge decision had to be made. The turn of events would influence the entire course the alliance.

"this one...or this one" he asked her, holding up a tie.

"A...are you planning on showing up to this wedding without a shirt" Tsunade twitched an eyebrow.

"I must look my best...and my best is..." he flexed his pecs.

"you are the same Tsunade, the clothing you have picked out, all prominently display your generous bust" A said pointing to her chest.

"it's not the same, I'll still have a top on" she defended.

They decided to do the ceremony with the respective leaders, wearing the other country's ceremonial clothing. Tsunade thought of it, thinking it would be a good idea for proving the alliance was genuine.

"RAIKAGE!"

A heard the blond's voice calling again. Naruto Uzumaki! That guy had a lot of determination. It was admirable, how often he rose to challenge him.

Naruto burst through the door, and A got into position. Naruto paused before him, with a puzzling look on his face. A stood back up, confused.

"Naruto! Good timing! What do you think...this one or this o-" Tsunade was interrupted.

"I HAVE A BOON TO PICK WITH YOU!" Naruto shouted, pointing at A.

"pardon..." A asked, confused.

"I WANT TO BOON YOU!" he shouted, again.

"...come again..." A raised an eyebrow.

"ha, ha, ha seems the groom has some wedding day jitters" Darui laughed.

C, and Darui laughed quite hard, as Naruto turned red from embarrassment. Naruto tried again speaking again, jumbling around with his words.

"no...I...you booned me, so I was gonna boon you...and..." Naruto trailed off, feeling idiotic.

"Naruto..." Tsunade sighed.

He thought he was using the word correctly. Boon. To boon. The act of booning...words should be simpler. Naruto fumbled around, while Darui patted his back, still laughing.

"you wish to ask something of me" A said, getting the blond's meaning.

"yes" Naruto answered.

"out with it" he commanded.

"I have a friend I promised to save...Sasuke Uchiha" he stated. "for my boon you have to retrieve him from Orochimaru, and return him to Konoha!"

"I can't leave Kumo, but you, you're strong; can I leave his task to you?" Naruto kneeled down low, and closed his eyes.

"Sasuke Uchiha?...ah!" A remembered. "Tsunade, I thought Konoha would have taken care of that by now"

"hmmm" Tsunade growled, and simply glared.

A returned his gaze to a still kneeling Naruto, and looked intently at him. His hands were fisted, and shaking. He could tell this somehow meant a lot to his new Kumo shinobi.

Strength, and respect are an absolute in the shinobi world, kneeling like this showed weakness!...but...the boy recognized the Raikage's power.

And A was the blond's new leader, so he was technically showing respect. And even though he desperately wanted to leave, he is willing to leave a task that means so much to him in someone elses hands.

That takes a certain kind of strength, at the very least. A looked toward the ceiling, and back to Naruto.

"rise Uzumaki!...no one kneels in Kumogakure!" A stated.

The blond stood up, and looked A in the eye. He was slightly worried. No kneeling in Kumogakure! He hopes he didn't do the wrong thing.

"your boon! I accept it!" A annouced.

"yes!...one more thing! Grandma!" he called the Hokage.

"grr...brat..." she angrily, growled out, at having been refered to like that.

"uh...hahaha...I-I have a boon for you, too" he nervously stated.

"what?" she asked, contemplating, a painful beating.

"once Sasuke Uchiha is returned...He and Sakura Haruno have to get married, too!" he exclaimed.

He didn't like what he just said, but he remembered how much Sakura-chan liked the bastard. And he wasn't the going to be the only one getting married, not if he could help it.

"wha...I...you" she stuttered.

"yes! Boon accepted!" A spoke 'for' her.

"Sasuke Uchiha will be retrieved! And upon return, Sakura Haruno, and Sasuke Uchiha will be wed!" A shouted.

"It will be written in stone!" he pointed to the floor.

A charged his fist with lightning chakra, and punched the ground. Lightning flashed, and faded. Upon the ground beneath him appeared...what he just previously stated.

"Raikage-sama...not again" Mabui sighed, walking in.

Her Raikage-sama once again, decided to forgo writing utensils, and just etch into his own office floorboard. She now has to schedule even more repairs to his abused work space.

"alright!" Naruto held out his fist, towards A.

"hm, hm" A fist bumped Naruto happily.

Tsunade just sighed. Another marriage being planned before the groom even realized it. If-WHEN that day came, she might just have to rinse, and repeat the tactics she used on Naruto.

Tsunade briefly wondered, what face her student would make when she told her Naruto just married her off. Maybe she'd be happy, Tsunade did recall that Sakura had a crush on the missing Uchiha.

"yes, now back to business" A said. "Uzumaki!"

"huh?" Naruto said.

"...this...or this..." A asked, holding up ties.

"pick out a shirt, already!" Tsunade complained.

"bah" A grunted.

"Naruto" she turned to him, and called out.

"this one...or this one" she asked, holding up dresses.

He pointed to the one in her left hand; a backless black silk piece with halterneck top, and a slit for the legs. Tsunade nodded, dropped the other dress, and posed the one in her hand over her clothes.

"now...more...or less bust" she asked, pouting like a model.

"more!" he enthusiastically answered.

"just as I thought" she complimented herself. "now get out of here! You should be getting your measurements taken by now"

* * *

Samui sighed at her stupid brother Atsui. He was looking for the new jinchuriki; Naruto Uzumaki. Apparently her brother saw the new Kumo shinobi challenge the Raikage to a lariat contest...and lost, of course. But he came back...three times in fact.

He was impressed by the other ninja's ability to eat dirt, it seems. What was wrong with him? He would get to see Naruto at his wedding, why get so worked up over things...and why did he have to drag her along.

They walked the village for quite some time looking for a man in orange. She wondered why she even bothered humoring him. They were alerted to the sound of footsteps.

"Samui-san, Atsui-san" The two ninja looked over to see her two teammates; Omoi, and Karui approaching.

"where are you guys headed" Karui asked, stopping in front of them.

"we're going to see that hotshot, Uzumaki!" Atsui said, looking around.

"aaaahhhh!" Omoi gasped. "you can't"

"what? Why not" Atsui asked.

"I heard he's the student of jiraiya; the bane of hot springs" Omoi whispered.

"you're bringing, your big-breasted sister" Omoi pointed to said big-breasted sister.

"what if he sees her, and decides he wants to marry Samui instead of Mabui, and they fight over him. And they wind up killing each other, and Naruto see his two lovers killed, and decides to commit suicide, and entrusts his children to me as their godfather, an-" Omoi was interrupted by a sharp crack on the skull by Karui.

"IDIOT! IN WHAT UNIVERSE ARE YOU LIVING!" Karui shouted.

"...wait, we were going to see Naruto too!" Karui glared. "how come you didn't say anything about him, marrying me instead!"

"what if he sees me, and immediately declares his love for me" Karui started blushing. "I mean, he is **his** student, he must be a lover of women, too"

"what will I do, if he sees my gorgeous face, and wants to elope with me" she swooned. "what'll I do"

"no chance! Your living in a totally different universe" Omoi dismissed.

Karui then proceeded to angrily beat the hell of her (stupid) teammate (who doesn't know what he's talking about). Samui just ignored the usual antics of her team. While she was interested in meeting their new comrade, he was confined to the village.

They could meet him anytime they wanted, and they were going to be introduced at the upcoming wedding. Why did they have to make such big deal over little things.

"well, I'd be fine with gaining a brother-in-law" Atsui, 'hotly' debated. "my sis is way too cold...Naruto is scorching hot"

"hn!" Samui refused to dignify that.

"I think, him putting a bun in her oven, would heat her up, nicely" Atsui, punched the air as he said so.

"hn!" Samui crossed her arms, and turned away from him.

"you should have seen him against Raikage-sama" he said, excited. "he was blazing! A flame that wouldn't die out"

"I gotta give him my props for going three hot rounds with Raikage-sama" Atsui said, smiling.

"yeah! I saw it! He was pretty cool!" Karui paused in her beat down, to join him. "only B-sama has ever taken more than one"

"Karui! Ow! What if you damaged my brain, and I fell into a coma, and-" Omoi was struck by Karui, again.

"you're already brain-damaged" she growled.

"you guys should quite playing around" Samui interjected. "we should be getting fitted for our outfits to the wedding"

"that's right!" Karui spoke. "I picked out a lovely green dress, that shows off my best assets"

"what assets? eek!" Omoi had to dodge another strike.

"yeah! I'm wearing a hot red tux" Atsui said. "I'll be blazing at the wedding.

"what about you, Samui-san" Karui asked.

"hn"

* * *

"I said..."

"what are you wearing to the wedding?"

"hello...earth to Sakura" Ino waved in front of her spaced out friend's face.

"wha...I..I haven't decided yet" Sakura replied.

Sakura blushed in embarrassment. She was so lost in thought she had forgotten what she was doing. They were in Konoha's local shopping center looking for formal dresses to wear at Naruto's wedding.

"well, I know what I'm wearing...something sexy...something dazzling" Ino winked.

"at a wedding, Ino?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"of course!" Ino replied. "weddings lead to weddings...maybe I'll meet a hunk there"

Sakura couldn't believe it. Going to a wedding...Naruto's wedding, she didn't think she would end up at his wedding before she got married herself. She also never would have imagined Naruto would be marrying a swimsuit model.

When Tsunade-shishou told her that Naruto was getting married to a Kumogakure kunoichi, she was surprised...when she showed her that magazine, she was **really** surprised. That beautiful girl was the one, Naruto was marrying.

She always thought Naruto would marry someone not as pretty as her...**scratch that!** That almost sounded jealous?...what she means is, that Naruto...just didn't seem like the marrying type.

He only ever proposed to her when they were kids, but he was just playing around to annoy her. But now he's...leaving to live with another kunoichi, in another village...and never coming back...it made her heart ache.

She was happy for him, landing a pretty girl, but...she was kind of losing a friend. The land of lightning is five days of travel. Sure, since they were getting into an alliance with Kumo she could visit whenever she wanted, but...he just...gave up his status as a Konoha ninja for a pretty women.

She didn't think he'd ever do that. He was always talking about being Hokage someday, now it was...having a wife, and kids someday. Was he maturing or...did she not know her blond teammate as well she thought.

"your...zoning out, again!" Ino tickled her from behind.

"eek! heheheh...stop it!" she smacked her hands away.

Sakura put a stop to her friend's playfulness, and focused on finding a nice dress. Ino planned on wearing something lacy, and flashy. While Sakura just wanted simple, and tasteful. One in particular catching her eye.

"ah! This!" Sakura held up a green sundress.

Ino turned around, and glanced at what her friend was holding. She almost laughed at Sakura's pauper-like fashion sense.

"perfect!...if you want to stand in a corner while everyone ignores you" Ino gave her sarcastic opinion.

"what's wrong with it!" she sulked.

"this isn't just any old wedding" she ripped the 'ugly' dress from her friends hands. "it's Naruto's wedding!"

"wha-what difference does that make" she blushed a little.

"the difference is.." Ino got behind Sakura, and whispered in her ear. "your supposed to make him see what he just missed"

"you have to show off your...**ass**ets" Sakura squeaked, as Ino harshly spanked her on the butt.

"YOU! INO-PIG!" she angrily shouted, rubbing her poor behind.

"can't do anything for the bust, but you do alright from behind" she gave her friend, a wink. "you just have to capitalize on it!"

Sakura simply growled holding her (modest)chest instinctively. She might not be as big as Ino or Naruto's fiancé, but petite women had their charm. And besides, she always felt her long leg were her best asset.

"ah ha! Here we are!" Ino proudly announced, turning around with a dress.

"what is...Ino!" Sakura glared at her friend.

She was holding a silk, red, backless, spaghetti strap minidress with a slit down the side. The exact opposite of simple and tasteful.

"we're attending his wedding...not trying to seduce him" Sakura growled.

"speak for yourself" Ino waved her off. "he's almost someone else's property...that means we have to seduce him"

"how do you figure that?" Sakura, dismissively asked.

"you've got to get'em just before they go off the market!" Ino, proudly stated. "That's when their bloods pumping the _hardest_"

"you don't mean.." Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"no!...unless you want him, first" Ino teased.

"no way! I mean, it's Naruto" she laughed off. "our idiot Naruto, remember"

"maybe so, but remember what Tsunade-sama said" Ino wagged a finger.

"she said he ran **straight** to Kumo after seeing that women's Photo in that Magazine!" she place her arm around Sakura's shoulder.

"He's probably getting all sorts of experience in Kumo" Sakura blushed at Ino's words.

"they have a lot of hot springs for him and his new wife to...get to know each other" she tickled Sakura again.

"I-I-Ino!" Sakura whined, trying to hold in her giggles.

"imagine your first time; stealing a man just before he's about to be married! From a swimsuit model! That's an accomplishment!" Ino beamed.

"I'd be just like in all those romance movies" Ino turned to Sakura.

"aren't those women...the villains of the movie" Sakura muttered.

"no way! It's those women that convince the hot guy he's making a mistake!" Ino defended.

"so we're going to convince him not to marry her?" she asked, stupefied by her friend.

"of course not!...we're just going to see how far we can go, is all" Ino crossed her arms, and nodded to herself.

_so we are the villains_... Sakura thought to herself.

Ino was suggesting they...she was being as scandalous as always! She just wanted to say she had him before someone else did. And yet...Sakura grabbed the red minidress...just to see how she looked in it.

She did wonder how Naruto would react if he saw her in it. He said she looked the same as always when they reunited after two years...maybe she would show him what he was missing...just for fun.

"so your planning on messing with Naruto, and then finding a hunk" Sakura questioned.

"it's called multitasking" she said matter-of-factly. "I can have a quickie with Naruto in the closet, then be ready to hook up with another hunk, in thirty minutes"

"I thought you only were going to see how far you can go" Sakura gasped.

"and if I get that far...relax" she smirked. "I'll probably just make out with him, that's not too bad!"

"Ino...you're exasperating" Sakura sighed.

"yeah, yeah...now we need to get some makeup" she pushed Sakura around.

"something to draw attention away from that massive billboard brow of yours" she laughed.

"INO-PIG! GRR!"

Sakura growled, as Ino dragged her away from the shop. But her anger subsided quickly, as her thoughts turned to her blond former teammate. They would never be team seven again. Maybe giving him a kiss goodbye would be a nice gesture.

_I wonder what he's doing right now..._

* * *

Naruto shifted nervously; the Raikage ordered him back to him with an urgent message. But he hadn't said a word, once Naruto got inside. He was just staring the blond down, like a lion at a piece of meat.

He looked to his future wife for some assurance, but she was just smiling quaintly, like nothing was out of the ordinary.

While he probably should have noticed it, three lariats ago. The Raikage was a big, **big** man...much different than how he imagined a Kage to look. He was rather intimidating, what with the silent stare down he has going on right now.

"uh..uh" Naruto worriedly mumbled.

"Uzumaki!" he quickly addressed the blond.

"yes!" Naruto saluted, prepared for...whatever.

"I was looking over your paperwork, when I noticed something...horrible" A let the last word sink in.

"h-h-horrible!" Naruto panicked.

"yes, horrible...your diet..." A grimaced. "is atrocious! So much ramen!"

"it says you once ate nothing, but ramen for an entire week" A slammed the files on his desk.

"yeah...well...yo-"

"NO EXCUSES!" he BROKE his desk in half.

In a flash, the Raikage crossed the shattered remains of his desk, and was on top of Naruto. Robes stripped off, hat dashed to the ground.

"a Ninja's body is his CHURCH! HIS MUSCLES; IT'S SCRIPTURES! HIS JUTSU; IT'S DOCTRINE! HIS TAIJUTSU; IT'S DISIPLINE!" he shouted.

A flexed his impressive array of muscles at Naruto, as he said so. His biceps bulged, his deltoids throbbed, and his chest muscles popped in ways Naruto didn't know was possible. And he was pretty sure humans didn't have places in the places the Raikage had muscles.

"uh..h.." Naruto was speechless.

"look at you! Scrawny! Thin! A...leaf in the wind!" A continued his tirade. "the product of Konoha malnutrition!"

"here in Kumo, our women pump more iron than Konoha's strongest ninja!"

"you are a Kumo ninja, now!" A pointed to confused Naruto.

"and here we eat meat to grow large! We drink protein shakes to invigorate our bodies! And we hit the weights to gain muscle!" A; actually flexing even harder.

"from today onward! You are longer a stick figure Konoha ninja, but a large, and proud Kumogakure shinobi!" A grabbed Naruto, and picked him up like a child.

"before the wedding begins, I will make you twice as large as you are now!" he bellowed straight into already close Naruto.

He (carrying Naruto) jumped out the window with a smash. Placing another hole in the not yet fixed window of his office. Mabui simply sighed, Raikage-sama always got worked up when it came to anything below his standard of diet, and exercise.

And while it was a marriage of convenience, everyone was spending more time with her future husband than her. Maybe she would schedule a lunch for them sometime in the future...if Raikage-sama doesn't break him too much.

* * *

Watching clouds is an easy hobby. No demand, no stress, no worries...a simple task for a lazy man. Ironic, that going to the village of clouds was going to be, probably, the biggest hassle ever.

Their comrade; Naruto was leaving Konoha to marry some supermodel from Kumo in a big fancy wedding celebration. Everyone was invited to come, and everyone was going to come. That Naruto...always doing things in the most troublesome fashion.

Shikamaru Nara let out a yawn, and shut his eyes. Get measured, buy a suit, travel for five days, go to a loud wedding, for the loudest ninja he's ever met, travel for five days back to Konoha...what a drag!

"SHIKAMARU!" Ino shouted over him.

"ugh" the lazy ninja rolled over.

What a drag. It was Ino, and Sakura, come to rob him of his peaceful day. Couldn't they see he was enjoying his peace, and quiet.

"SHIKAMARU! GET UP!" she shouted again.

"what...is...it" he drawled, still laying down.

"you're supposed to be getting ready for the wedding!" she growled.

"ma..ha...yeah, I'm gonna skip this on-ugf" Ino gave him a sharp kick in the side.

Ino grabbed the lazy ninja by the collar, and dragged him to his feet. Shikamaru stood on unwilling legs. As troublesome as standing was, getting beat up by Ino was the most trouble of all.

"Choji's already picked his suit, and gotten fitted" Ino started walking, dragging Shikamaru along with her. "I bet you haven't even done that"

"too much trouble...I'm gonna just stay here with Neji, and Hinata" he complained.

"Neji, and Hinata aren't staying here by choice" Ino growled back. "they're staying because they are forbidden from going"

"tell him, Sakura" Ino motioned her friend.

"that's right, Shikamaru" Sakura spoke. "I mean, Hinata's so upset, she locked herself in her room"

"she really wanted to go" Sakura, gave a pitying look. "her father won't let her go to cloud at all"

"that's right!" Ino pulled Shikamaru even harder. "so we have to go, and have fun for the both of them!"

Ino; dragging Shikamaru, and Sakura following after, pulled into the men's tailor shop. Ino forced Shikamaru to pick out a suit under the threat of beatings, and nonstop shouting. The lazy ninja simply picked up the closest thing to him.

"Yuck! That!" Ino grimaced. "pick something else!"

"why bother?" Shikamaru sighed. "a suit is a suit"

"that's where you're wrong" Ino countered.

"a suit is for looking your best...it's for showing the ladies your attractive, serious side" she lectured him.

"I'm not trying to look for ladies" Shikamaru mumbled.

"yes! yes, you are" Ino pointed at him, placing her finger directly on his nose. "weddings lead to weddings!"

"Naruto, got a swimsuit model...so you have to one up him!" she squealed, smiling madly.

"even if that were possible, I'm not looking for a model" Shikamaru, tiredly said. "or one upping anybody"

"I just want an average girl, that's completely plain" he started. "unremarkable in looks, and personality...that's the girl for me"

"Shika!" the lazy ninja flinched.

He looked to see the (constantly) judgemental visage of his mother. Hands on her hips, a frown on her face, and fire in her eyes. Ino, and Sakura made space as his mom walked over.

"are you still saying those dreary things" Yoshino asked.

"mom, I-" Shika tried to say.

"No! No! No!" she interrupted him. "one of your best friends is getting married"

"when are you going to find a beautiful girl, to bring home to me!" she asked.

"arg" Shika simply groaned, and braced for the usual.

"weddings lead to weddings" she stated, confidently. "it's a good time, for you to meet someone"

"exactly!" Ino chimed in.

"exactly" Yoshino smiled at Ino.

They high-fived, and beamed at one another. Yoshino always liked Ino-chan, she was pretty, and had a great personality. If only she had a daughter like her to motivate her lazy son. She already had a lazy husband to take care of, and didn't have time to reign them both in.

"Yoshino, cut 'em some slack, already" said lazy husband, approached the group.

"hmm?" she sent a glare his way.

"eh...just...I love you, honey" he sighed out, and shirked away.

Oh well, he tried. At least now, she'll stop bothering him. Shikaku walked away, with a silent prayer for his son. He went back into the fitting room stall for a quick nap. He needed the energy as all this marriage, and love crap, was making his wife increasingly...judgey.

"Naruto is marrying a swimsuit model!" Ino squeaked out, excitedly.

"really!" Yoshino asked, eyes wide.

"she's on the cover of Kunoich! Magazine!" Sakura spoke up.

"you know what that means" Ino happily, asked.

"yep" Yoshino replied. "my Shika here, has to one up him!"

Shikamaru slumped down. Why did his mother, and Ino have to be so alike. Jumping to the same impossible conclusions, and why did she have to mention that troublesome magazine...now his mother was going to..

"Kunoich! Magazine!" Yoshino sparkled.

_here it comes..._ Shikamaru worriedly thought.

"why, I remember when I modeled for that very same publisher" Yoshino said.

"wow! You modeled, Mrs. Nara?" Sakura asked.

"no, don't-" Shika tried to stop her.

"why, yes I did! Sakura-chan!" Yoshino, starting up. "back before I met Shika's father, I was on my way to starring as the beauty of the month!"

"why, I remember when I first met Shikaku" she blushed. "I'll never forget the look on his face when told him I was a model"

Yoshino closed her eyes, and smiled fondly. Looking back on old memories of when she, and her husband were young lovers.

"don't let these housewife clothes fool you!" she put on a pout, and posed. "these swaying hips, once caught the eye of all Konoha men!"

"and I really haven't lost my touch" she brought a hand to her chin. "I've caught Shikaku's friends, eyeing me once or twice"

Tha lazy ninja sighed, his mother did like to go on, about how she was a famous model, and the envy of all the village. Another reason why he wanted a plain girl, if his mother, and Ino were any indication of how attractive women were; he wanted no part of them.

"that's the kind of woman, you need!" she returned her attention to her son.

"ugh" Shika, facepalmed.

"the envy of other men!" she place her hands on his shoulders. "just like your father was"

Shikamaru found himself being dragged around again. First Ino, now his mom. At least with Ino, she would get lost in shopping, and forget about him. But dear mother had an iron grip, and a steely eye. This was going to be so much trouble.

* * *

**that's the end of the first chapter gonna wrap it up with a second chapter...eventually.**

**Thanks to Dracohalo for allowing me write this challenge in shippuden arc. Review and tell me what you liked, and didn't like.**


	2. The Set Up

**After reading reviews about it. I decided to put the events of this fic in the order, it is supposed to be read. Tried to 'quentin Tarantino' it the first time. But it looks like I fucked it up.**

**My apologies, and stick around for the next chapter: The Pay Off. It'll all make sense in time...just please, trust in that.  
**

* * *

**Above the Clouds**

******Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah naruto. blah, blah, blah kishimoto. blah, blah, blah lawsuit**

* * *

Mei Terumi took in a sharp breath of air, and exhaled. She calmed herself, by becoming entranced with the sound of water that flowed into her office.

Two waterfalls continuously ran, forming a pool, on both sides of her office. Mei sighed, and slouched. Attempting to relax.

She had the** '_Extreme_ _luck_' **of presiding over the worst situation in history, as Mizukage. She got as comfortable as she could, in her throne.

While the other Kage probably spent their time behind desks. The Mizukage sat on a throne. It was bronzed, and shaped like a giant clam. It was a remnant of the Niidaime Mizukage's reign.

Through ages of repairs, and refurbishing; it cushioned the bottoms of three succeeding Mizukage. It provided some much desired comfort to Mei's booty.

It was a good Idea; not getting rid of it. It Made the weight on her shoulders, seem lighter!

One of the five great villages would dissolve to nothing, and the fourth ninja war. Loomed over everyone's head. It is said that the fourth world war, will be the war to end all wars.

Literally every form of media, has speculated. That the fourth world war will be the one, that destroys all the hidden villages. Blasting them all back to the paranoid, senseless, ever-murdering; warring states period.

When Sunagakure falls; Kirigakure will assume status as weakest village, of the four. If nothing is done. Kirigakure will absolutely, need to ravage Suna for its resources.

It was times like this, Mei wished she had a council of some sort to call upon. But after the Yondaime's reign, that was just impossible.

The Yondaime reign; took the five villages form of dictatorship, to tyrannical levels. There were more assassination attempts on the Mizukage from ninja of Kirigakure itself, than from other villages.

The greatest loss of his time was the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist. That group just doesn't exist now, for either all being killed, or abandoning Kiri.

Yet, it wasn't even the Yondaime's actions, that reduced Kiri to the state it's in. Someone was actually controlling his mind with genjutsu. And for god knows how long.

All signs point to Itachi Uchiha, as the culprit. Ao; Kirigakure's most skilled sensor ninja. Confirmed sharingan genjutsu being the method used to turn the Yondaime into a puppet.

Itachi was the only Uchiha alive at the time, the Yondaime was deposed. Kirigakure has a special torturous hell, awaiting the lone Uchiha when they finally capture him.

This is so frustrating! Where is that button? Mei felt around the side of her throne, fiddling her fingers around it.

_Ah ha! There it is!..._Mei thought, happily.

She flipped a switch under the mouth of the clam. She then leaned back, closed her eyes, and moaned when the clam began vibrating.

A remnant of the Yondaime's reign, she actually liked. Massage chair features, added to the throne!

"Ao!" Mei called from her relaxed position.

"here!" Ao responded, as he appeared; kneeling, in a watery body flicker jutsu.

"report!" She commanded, in calm manner.

"...no confirmation of either the three-tails or the six-tails" Ao said. "no word of Akatsuki's capture of them, either"

"..." Mei simply placed a hand to her chin, and chewed slightly on her lip.

More frustration! Without Kiri's jinchuriki, they had no WMD to dissuade all the other nations from pouncing on them. Their terrain advantage would only protect them so far, should the villages attack them.

"And what of Akatsuki itself...is it capturing Tailed Beasts on behalf of Iwa..." the Mizukage asked.

"there's no evidence of that...seems to be a mercenary group, operating by itself" Ao responded. "...in fact, Iwa has lost it's own jinchuriki"

"both of them?" Mei asked, raising an eyebrow.

"yes...seems Akatsuki has the five-tails in their possession..." Ao confirmed. "...but the four-tails fled Iwa years ago, and there's no sign of him"

"...ugh, is that good new or bad news..." Mei sighed, slouching just a bit more.

"hm...well there is some positively troubling news" Ao grumbled.

"yes" Mei asked.

"Konoha and Kumo are forming an alliance..." Ao let his words linger.

"...heheh...is that a joke?" Mei chuckled lightly. "Konoha and Kumo! How long will that last; an hour?"

Finally, some levity! Konoha and Kumo forming an alliance was sort of a joke, among the villages. Kumo and Konoha would try to party together, until someone spilled punch, and someone ended up dead!

None of the great five villages have honestly successfully, allied before. Even peace treaties were skeptical affairs. Suna and Konoha's relationship is a 'great' example of why that is.

Calling each other friends when there's no war going on. Letting the other know the treaty is off with an invasion...then saying sorry when they lose, and blaming it on the crazy guy from Otogakure.

"actually Mizukage-sama...it seems...genuine..." Ao spoke hesitantly.

"genuine?..." Mei opened her eyes. "...in what way?"

"a marriage..." Ao plainly, replied.

"...excuse me?" Mei turned off the vibration, leaned forward, and asked; with a twitching eye.

"Konoha and Kumo are arranging a marriage between two of their ninja, for this alliance" Ao calmly explained, not noticing Mei's displeasure.

"..." Mei grew silent.

"an arranged marriage, between two of the five countries is unheard of..." Ao stroked his chin, and prattled on. "...but the concept could be successful. Clans from differing countries, do it all the time"

"..." Mei still silent.

"_someone bothering to marry you, is unheard of__!" 'Ao' stated to the Mizukage._

Ao continued talking about the complicated nature of Konoha and Kumo making an alliance, and the catastrophic effect it could play in the upcoming war should it stick...while Mei heard him talk about a different nature of things.

_"that chair is most action, you've had in years!" 'Ao' continued. _

Ao carried on his one-side conversation with the Mizukage. Giving his vast insight into how Kumo, and Konoha together, would either dissolve the coming war, or force Kiri, and Iwa to join forces to even the odds.

_"no one, makes dying alone look as easy, as you do" __'Ao' sneered.  
_

Ao looked to Mei, and took her stillness, as contemplative silence. She is clearly focused on absorbing all the knowledge he is offering to her! He started explaining how Kumo and Konoha allying might diffuse the war, but would also leave Kiri in a weak position.

_"you are the élite ninja of scaring men away!" 'Ao' scorned._

As desperate as the situation may be. There was, no way Kiri would consider allying with Iwa under any circumstances. They are the farthest countries from one another, so supplying each other, or even communication would be difficult.

"...and the Tsuchikage is a cantankerous old coot. Though Iwa is closest to Suna, therefore would have a head start should war st-" Ao's prattling, was interrupted.

"Ao!" Mei spoke up. Suddenly, hovering over the hunter-nin.

"yes" Ao looked up.

"shut up or I'll kill you!" Mei said, with a cheerful smiling face.

_...huh...what did I do?..._ Ao thought to himself, confused.

Son of a...really! That's all she ever needed to do, to get hitched? Ask for an alliance, and then pick a hunk. And Konoha was just giving men away. Why did they not come to Kirigakure?

...Forget the war...this is the worst news she has ever gotten!

"it's as you say...this alliance is serious..." Mei mumbled, getting back on topic. "Ao!"

"y-yes Mizukage-sama!" Ao hesitantly, grunted.

"prepare the village!..." Mei announced. "...and gather the shinobi...this alliance will receive Kirigakure's response!"

"yes! Mizukage-sama!" Ao flickered away.

* * *

Fifty-two...fifty-three...fifty-four...fif-fifty-f -ive...ff-f-..fa...lord!

Naruto dropped the stone dummy he was manhandling to the ground. The Raikage had pretty much, just taken over the role of his full-time sensei.

And he was merciless! Grappling, chokeholds, piledrivers, Suplexeses(es)...however you say them. Practicing new taijutsu techniques on a weighted dummy.

The moves were cool, and he was extremely grateful to the Raikage, for taking the time to personally mentor him. And the training was tough, but he was tougher, and that's what mattered.

What truly hurt him, however. Was the Raikage's utter denial of ramen. Naruto was refused delicious ramen, for the duration of the training...and it killed him inside.

His tongue has not tasted the sweet nectar; that was ramen, for about a week now. His mouth was a desert, denied an oasis. The Raikage had him eating an alternative, in a process he called 'carbo-loading'.

Spaghetti. A meal originating from another land. It was very popular around the elemental nations. Naruto had never tried any...before Raikage made him eat it constantly.

It was a little bit like ramen. Noodles, and what not. And it did make a decent substitute. Chunky ramen, Naruto called it. But still, he could feel it...the calling! His soul reached out for ramen.

...And a stop to the protein shakes, for crying out loud!

"you stopped!" A stated, observing Naruto. "this is your last rep. Finish up!"

A stood just nearby, surveying his new student's progress. It was an early morning, in Area 8; a practice zone, outside. They trained in a wrestling ring. With leather ropes, and padded turnbuckles. There was even a Kumo symbol, on the mat.

"ha...ha...ha...gimme a...sec...ha.." Naruto wheezed out, trying to catch his breath.

"Just Five more suplexes to go!" A told him. "regain your rhythm, Uzumaki!"

"ugh...come on...this thing weighs like three hundred pounds" Naruto complained.

"three hundred?" A picked up the weighted dummy, with one hand. "...you are correct. My apologies, I made a mistake"

Naruto exhaled gratefully, and let his ass fall to the mat. The dummy was a mistake! Old man Raikage wasn't as much of a slave driver, as he thought.

He was so sweaty! It was a good thing, he stopped wearing a shirt, the day they started. He was literally, in a puddle of himself.

"yes, this dummy is all wrong" A stated, tossing the manikin away, like a sheet of paper.

"..." Naruto allowed himself to relax.

"...you were supposed to be training with a FIVE HUNDRED POUND MANIKIN!" A reiterated, and emphasized. "we must correct this!"

Naruto simply gave him a tired look, and fell back to lay on the mat. He could at least rest, until Raikage ordered another heavier dummy to train with.

"tired, Uzumaki?" A asked.

Naruto flinched. Here it comes! A walked over to his dufflebag, grabbed something from inside, and walked back over to his depleted student.

"here!" A said, holding a drink can. "Drink, and regain your vigor!"

"..." Naruto pouted.

Naruto leaned back up, and hesitantly took the drink from A's hand. He gave the can a gloomy look. Oh god...the protein shakes, again!

Indorsed by A, and invented by his father before him. Black Lightning* Muscle Shakes! Biceps In A Can! Be the Lightning! What Are You Looking At!

The flavor of the drink currently in Naruto's hand. Berry-Grape Imploding Senton Bomb! Naruto looked squeamish, and glanced down.

"drink up, Uzumaki" A said.

"..." Naruto darted his eyes around.

"did I, stutter?" A glared.

Frowning deeply, Naruto chugged down the drink, then fell back down to the mat. He closed his eyes, and most definitely did not fall asleep, or old man Raikage would IRON CLAW his face.

"don't give up, son" a mysterious voice, said to him. "you're strong...just remember that"

Naruto opened his eyes to see a stranger, sitting comfortably on the mat, just above him. Naruto's blue eyes, met the stranger's similarly blue eyes. The stranger smiled kindly, down to Naruto.

"who...are you?" Naruto asked, confused by the man's presence.

Naruto looked around to see if the Raikage was aware of the stranger. But the Raikage was nowhere to be found. He most likely sped off, to get the weighted dummy himself.

"me...hm...I'm the Yondaime Hokage" The newcomer responded.

The Yondaime, turned to show Naruto the kanji for fourth Hokage on the back of his white Haori. He turned back around to face Naruto, and returned to his comfortable sitting position.

"I know it seems tough. Like you've got the weight of world on your shoulders" Yondaime spoke. "But it is during, our darkest moments that we must focus to the see the light"

"..." Naruto quietly, and intently listened to his words.

"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the pain..." Yondaime tenderly, advised.

"..." Naruto stared captivated, at the Yondaime, with admiration. His every word was just so inspiring.

"you will need that joy! The oncoming war depends on you" Yondaime addressed the younger blonde.

Naruto frowned, and averted his gaze from the Yondaime. The elephant in the room just reared its ugly head. His limbs felt numb just thinking about it...or maybe he just really couldn't get up!

"the war...the wedding...the alliance...everyone just expects me to go along with whatever they say" Naruto mumbled, sadly.

"..." Yondaime listened, intently.

"I just want to save my friend's home...but no one will even try" Naruto closed his eyes.

"...hope is a waking dream..." Yondaime nearly hummed. "...you know...one candle, can light a thousand more, without melting away"

"..." Naruto still refused to look at him.

"that kind of gloomy thinking, doesn't suit you!" Yondaime's tone became harsh. Returning Naruto's focus to him. "change your thoughts, change the world"

"..." Naruto still had nothing to say.

"you can help those people if you give it your all! When did you start giving up, just because someone told you to!" Yondaime leaned in closer to the younger nin.

"uh..." Naruto was struck speechless.

That's right! When did he start giving up, without giving it his all! He couldn't go against the wedding, without ruining the alliance. But there had to be something he could do for Suna, and Gaara's people.

Naruto stood up strongly, with renewed vigor. The Yondaime stood as well, a sunny smile running across his face. Naruto returned, a much wider grin.

"Thanks pops, I really needed that!" Naruto said, graciously. "I was having doubts. But because of you, I'm raring to go!" he pumped a fist; crushing the empty can, he was still holding.

"heh heh" the Yondaime confidently smiled.

"but...aren't you supposed to be dead" Naruto finally asked.

The Yondaime Hokage was a famous figure in Konoha; being Hokage, and all. But he was most famous for sacrificing himself...as in being dead. Either Naruto has gone crazy or he's talking to a ghost.

But don't both of those theories make Naruto seem crazy? No matter which, is true; the result is crazy. Only a crazy person would consider two decisions where the only option is insanity!

...THE CRAVING! He's never gone this long without ramen! It must finally be affecting his mind!

"dead...not from my point of view" the Yondaime said, shaking him from his panic. "I'm still alive...know why?..." he asked with a grin.

"..." Naruto simply shook his head.

The Yondaime placed his hand on Naruto's chest, over his heart. Blue eyes greeted each other, once again. Though this time, with a bit more intimacy.

"I can always live on, in here! Menma" Yondaime softly, patted Naruto's chest.

A bit of warmness grew inside of Naruto then. So what if, he might be crazy! So what, if it's a ghost, he talking to! So what if, he got Naruto's name wrong! It was inspiring all the same!

The sound of clapping, knocked him out of his epiphany, and alerted the younger blonde to the presence of the Raikage (Back in, a flash) and now suddenly Jiraiya. both of them applauding, for some reason.

"quite the show!" A complimented, slowly clapping. "I had no idea, you had talents in the thespian arts, Uzumaki"

"uh the what?...lesbian arts?..." Naruto mumbled, confused.

"I see, you've met Arashi-kun, Naruto" Jiraiya said, stepping into the ring. "when I told him he could use you to rehearse his lines, I didn't think it would go so well"

"...what..." Naruto flatly asked. "rehearse?..."

"yes, it went well" Arashi turned to the sannin. "far better, than I expected"

"..." Naruto stared wide-eyed, and speechless.

What the hell was happening? The ghost of the Yondaime Hokage. Chatting it up with Pervy Sage, and old man Raikage. And what was this, about lesbians?

"I have to thank you, Naruto-kun" Yondaime said, getting his name right. "I had my doubts about this movie, too"

"..." Naruto stared, confused as all hell.

"but this little off book rehearsal, has me 'raring' to go, too hahaha" Arashi patted Naruto on the back, and laughed.

"I knew you would come around eventually!..." Jiraiya stated. "so much for 'glorified cameo' right!"

"yeah I guess...I was phoning it in, there. But if the actor playing him, brings the same enthusiasm...I'm game" Arashi stated.

"very true, you started off rather cliché, Arashi. But Uzumaki's acting managed to intrigue me" A chimed in.

"haha so true!" Arashi laughed. "that war, wedding, and alliance line; threw me for a loop haha"

"uh..." Naruto groaned, still not understanding.

"I came into this project planing a five-minute cameo, where I just throw out Inspirational quotes, like spare change hahaha" Arashi laughed louder.

"but he kept up his A-game, even after I continued feeding him those cheesy quotes" Arashi continued. "he showed me up"

Naruto stared slack-jawed as his two mentors, and his ghost made small talk. They seemed ignore the fact that his brains were threatening to fall out of his head.

...wait! they said actor...and rehearsing...what did that mea-...oh!...god, he is so slow.

"who the hell are you?" Naruto shouted, pointing at the fake Hokage.

Jiraiya, A, and Arashi stifled their conversation, and paid attention the youngest nin. Naruto glared between the three of them, like a paranoid schizophrenic.

"a movie? Rehearsing?...lesbians?..." Naruto continued. "what. Is. Happening!"

"what?...they didn't tell you?" Jiraiya asked, in a tone reminiscent of the first time he informed the blonde of bad news.

"..." Naruto just facepalmed.

"my apologies" A spoke. "I was so focused on his training. I did not bother to tell him"

Naruto stayed silent, while Jiraiya, and A conversed about who should be the one to deliver the news. Jiraiya cleared his thoat, and put an arm around his student's shoulder.

"good new! You've been greenlit" Jiraiya explained to his depressed student. "they're making a movie about you. You're gonna be famous!" he patted Naruto's back.

"A movie?...about me!" Naruto said, baffled.

"your wedding is a pretty big event! HaTTori studios has gained the rights to recreate it on film" Jiraiya told him, stepping back.

"b-b-but the wedding. Hasn't. Even...happened yet!" Naruto spoke with mangled words.

"they're not filming yet" Jiraiya explained. "it's mostly still in the casting stage"

"..."

Naruto just silently accepted, the confusing turn of events. Everything that has occurred so far, has happened without him being informed.

So why should a movie about him; about a wedding, that hasn't happen even yet. Be any different...sarcasm sucks, when you're doing it to yourself!

"Naruto..." Jiraiya called, as he placed an arm on the (not)Yondaime's shoulder. "let me introduce you to...Arashi Kazama; acting extraordinaire!"

"...a pleasure" Arashi said, extending a welcoming hand.

"mm...yeah, I'm Naruto Uzumaki" The younger blonde, shook his hand, with a dejected sigh.

"Jiraiya-sama, has told me so much about you" Arashi said. "only good things, I swear" he joked.

"how you do you know, pervy sage" Naruto asked.

"pervy sage! Hahahaha" Arashi laughed. "he didn't tell me about that! Hahaha"

"ub-bub-ga-brah..." Jiraiya stuttered, and moved in between the two blonds. "for you information, BRAT! I happen to be a well-known film producer!"

Jiraiya then put Naruto in a headlock, and knuckled the top of his head. He chastised his student about respecting elders, and not using such embarrassing nicknames in polite company.

"we met when I asked him to consult me, during my work on the film {Namikaze}" Arashi explained, ignoring the grappling.

"I'm a method actor, so when I was cast to play the Fourth Hokage. I simply had to learn everything I could about him, from his teacher" he continued.

Jiraiya released Naruto from his deathgrip, and smiled proudly.

"Jiraiya-sama, here gave me the insight I needed to do the fourth Hokage, the justice he deserved!" Arashi said. "he convinced me to reprise the role, here"

"the Yondaime, had a movie?" Naruto cluelessly, asked.

"..." A struck silent.

"..." Jiraiya struck silent.

"...you didn't see it?" Arashi finally, asked.

"Naruto, honestly you embarrass me..." Jiraiya sighed. "how do you not know about {Namikaze}. The film won eleven academy awards"

"well-" Naruto tried speaking.

"won best picture, best director, most original score, and best visual effects" Jiraiya continued, impassioned.

"see-" Naruto again, tried.

"the film that won an oscar for best lead actor, best lead actress, and best supporting actors!" jiraiya frenzied, not letting the boy get a word in.

"I-" Naruto trying.

"currently THE highest grossing film of all time, and the film that tripled the registration rate of ninja for Konoha, the year it came out!" Jiraya still ranting.

"...no" Naruto finally said.

"oh boy" Jiraiya facepalmed.

"It's okay jiraiya-sama! The film was rated R, after all" Arashi defended, the shouted down shinobi.

"nonsense!" A chimed in. "I have the film on VHS. I shall have Uzumaki watch it, as soon as I can" he announced.

"why would a cloud ninja watch a movie about a leaf ninja?" Naruto asked.

"{Namikaze} was a surprise hit, in the Land of Lightning" Arashi said.

"I pay due respect, to my late rival!" A stated confidently. "I was also a consultant on the film"

"you fought the Fourth Hokage!" Naruto asked, astounded.

"hm...the only man to ever dodge my maximum speed punch..." A muttered, with a look of fondness. "...a film starring him, deserved nothing less than Kumogakure's full support!"

"it was banned in Iwagakure though..." Arashi stated. "they weren't shown in the best light"

"alright, alright!" Naruto stopped them. "getting back to the movie about me-"

"Naruto-kun!" A female voice called.

Naruto's eyes widened as his old teammate, strolled up into the ring. Sakura Haruno entered through the ropes, and walked up to the young blonde shinobi.

"Saku-RA-HA!" Naruto squeaked, as the pink-haired girl, wrapped her arms around his neck, and nuzzled him.

Naruto, nervously put his arms around her waist (nowhere near her rear end. To make sure she didn't pound him into jelly) and hugged her back.

"Naruto-kun...It's been so long since we've seen one another" Sakura said, tussling his hair. Her emerald eyes gazing into his.

Naruto blushed red, as Sakura pressed her body closer into him. His temperature raised much higher, as he felt her warm figure on his bare chest.

Her soft breasts were pressing firmly against him. And her thin waist was pushing right up against his...was she gyrating?

"I heard you were marrying another women..." Sakura said to him, with a bit of venom. "...is it true?"

Oh great! He was dreading this meeting. He can't tell her, he is still in love with her, can he? He was, kind of falling for Mabui, and he HAD to marry her.

He promised to be with his new wife, just last week! And yet seeing Sakura-chan here, and...and...oh god! He has to say goodbye, doesn't he?

Grabbing Sakura by the shoulders, he prepare himself to deliver his farewell. But the words died in his throat. He looked at his old teammate, and found himself lost in her.

Sakura Haruno had never looked more beautiful! Her shining green eyes reflected him like a mirror! Her rose blushed cheeks, made her look innocent! The bare flesh of her arms; felt so silky, and so smooth!

She looked at him, and her long lashes fluttered as she blinked! Her lips looked polished and glossy! Her flowing pink locks; like cashmere draping her face!

How was she able to look so flawless? It was hard (not that!) looking at her. Knowing he can't have her.

"Sakura-chan...I-" Naruto was muffled, by the crashing of Sakura's lips over his.

Naruto melted as Sakura gave him the deepest kiss of his life! It was especially hard (okay, that!) to resist the urge to just go with the flow, and embrace this magical moment with everything he had.

He was being unfaithful! He didn't start it, but he sure wasn't fighting against it. Naruto shuddered, as he felt Sakura's tongue slide into his mouth. And again, he shuddered...and again...and again!

Sakura was not stopping her sensual tongue barrage. In fact, she grabbed the back of his head, and pulled him a bit closer; for even deeper smooching!

Naruto knew had to get away, before he lost it! Looking for an escape route, his eyes landed on the nearby visage of his soon-to-be wife. Gasping, he finally managed to free his lips from Sakura's.

"Mabui-chan! Uuuuh...I-" Naruto got ready to apologize.

"rehearsing with the actors, Naruto-sama" Mabui asked, with a cheery face.

"huh?" Naruto found himself baffled, again.

"greetings, Chie-chan" Mabui addressed 'Sakura'.

"hehehe Hi, Mabui-chan" Chie responded, still tightly bonded to Naruto.

Hearing this. Naruto freed himself, and jumped away with a horrified expression on his face. Another goddamned actor! But why one of Sakura-chan, of all people?

"Naruto-sama, you've met Chie Momiji, I see" Mabui smiled at him.

Fake Sakura posed with one foot off the ground, in a one-legged curtsy. She flashed him the V-sign with one hand, and two fingers in front her face. She gave Naruto a big smile.

"..." Naruto simply stared. That was a very un-Sakura-chan-like, thing to do.

"ho Chie-chan" Arashi called, walking over. "finally arrived huh...is our leading man here, yet?"

"don't think so!" Chie answered. "Jiraiya-sama, said that I could rehearse with the real thing, till he arrived" she put her hands on her hips.

"well, at least, that kissing scene worked out well!" Arashi complimented.

"oh my god! I know right!" Chie squealed. "it was just so powerful! All the hesitation, and longing, and lust"

"yeah...but maybe a little less, tongue, next time" Arashi said.

Being prodded in the side, alerted Naruto to his master. Jiraiya motioned for him to make the introduction to his future wife. With a heavy sigh, he proceeded.

"Mabui-chan; pervy sage. Pervy sage; Mabui-chan" Naruto said, with little enthusiasm.

"hahaha...the little...ah that's a joke between he, and I" Jiraiya nervously laughed off.

Jiraiya stepped in front of his student, and did his best to pretend he didn't exist anymore. He took Mabui's hands, and cradled them in his own.

"Jiraiya; the toad sage of mt. Myoboku" Jiraiya said, lightly kissing her hand, and delivering a charming smile. "your future husband's teacher...the pleasure is all mine"

"yeah, I bet it is!" Naruto mumbled, from behind.

"Mabui Uzumaki. It is an honor! Meeting a legend, such as yourself" Mabui politely smiled.

"lovely Mabui! Honesty was their first policy, when your parents named you" Jiraiya complimented, noting the meaning behind her name.

"From now on, just think of me as a...godfather..." Jiraiya smiled, and raised a suggestive eyebrow.

Naruto sighed, and walked over to a turnbuckle. He didn't need the embarrassment of is master, unsuccessfully trying to hit on his future wife.

Chie meandered over to Naruto, and place a hand on his back. Naruto's blush returned, as he remembered all the face sucking, they had just done.

"so you have experience in acting?" Chie asked him. Her face, a little closer than necessary.

"...no" Naruto said, cowering slightly.

"really! Hehehe If the other guy is half as good as you were; we're so totally breaking the box office" Chie said, excited.

"I wouldn't go that far...but yeah" Arashi semi-agreed, walking over. "by the way, Chie-chan. The protagonist's name was changed to Menma"

"Menma?...I LOVE menma" Chie squealed. "menma, and ramen are the BEST!"

Naruto laughed slightly, at her exclamation. The squeezing sensation told him, Chie (again!) had her arms fully wrapped around him. Chie's personality was totally different from before.

She wasn't acting or even talking like Sakura-chan anymore. It was a rather odd sight how excitable, and touchy-feely she was. In sharp contrast to Sakura-chan's usual 'punch-you-if-you-touch-her-wrong' personality. Despite looking like her.

Looking like a prettier version of her, at least. Sakura-chan was already pretty, but she could probably look even more stunning with some makeup. He'll be sure to tell her that, when he sees her. I'd be a really good compliment!

"wait..." Naruto said, just putting the pieces together. "...why is there a kissing scene between me, and Sakura-chan?...I'm marrying someone else"

"we thought we'd add more drama, and Jiraiya-sama mentioned you had a female teammate, you had a crush on" Chie said, hanging off his shoulder.

"so she was added, as a rival suitor. Looking to steal you away" Chie smirked. "I think, I nailed the role"

Oh shit! Sakura-chan was going to find a way to make that his fault, somehow, and kill him for it.

"why is this happening?" Naruto asked, more himself than anyone else.

"what do you mean, why?" Chie asked. "nothing like this has ever happened before"

"what's so special about Konoha, and Kumo allying anyway?" Naruto grumbled.

"..."

"..."

"..."

Everyone grew silent around him, and Naruto could only look around, clueless. They all stared at the young blonde, creeping him out. (especially Chie, who never let go, while she did it)

"...they didn't tell you" Jiraiya finally, spoke up. (in that same damn tone)

"ugh...ug..." Naruto closed his eyes, and felt an aneurysm coming.

"oh my! Naruto-sama, I'm so sorry. I forgot to tell you" Mabui spoke, embarrassed.

"...tell me what?" Naruto said flatly, with his eyes still closed. All of today's surprises, had drained him.

"the Mizukage is coming to our wedding" Mabui informed him.

"wha?" Naruto gasped. One last surprise managing to get him.

"ah!" A grunted. "that's right, I must meet with Tsunade to intercept! Mabui send the message to Darui for me"

"yes! Raikage-sama" Mabui stated.

With that business done. A jumped off at the speed of lightning. He'd have to watch {Namikaze} with Naruto another time. Afterwards, probably have his new kumo ninja watch the biopic about his late great father. The third Raikage.

Ah!...he could feel the tears coming, already!

* * *

Sakura looked up, and around; in awe of her surroundings. Kumogakure! It was indescribably beautiful. And ridiculously intimidating! It was like a completely different universe.

One where ground level was a joke, and clouds were close enough to be considered a neighbor. Shikamaru was sure to enjoy Kumo, when he arrived. Cloud gazing was sure to be way easier for him now.

The Haruno family, had finally arrived in Kumo, and were staying at a lovely hotel suite. It was especially nice, in that Sakura got to have a whole room to herself.

She stood outside her room, on her patio. She was resting her elbows on the rails; just taking in the scenery. Sakura looked over the rails, and downward...so that's what people mean, when they say abyss!

She then looked to her bare feet, and wiggled her toes. Sakura didn't have acrophobia, but she felt nervous, the second she entered the village. Like she was always standing near the edge of a cliff. (though really she was, wasn't she!)

Sakura felt like some sort of goof, for worrying about falling. There were guard rails, all around. And it's not like Kumo could function if everybody was in danger of walking off, into the abyss below.

"doing some soul-searching, billboard brow?" Ino called from inside her room.

"Ino-pig! H-how did you get in here?" Sakura turned around, surprised.

"your mom let me in on the other side, duh" Ino shrugged, and pointed to the open door in center of Sakura's room.

Sakura growled in annoyance. Her mom, and dad were right across from her. And the door separating her from them; locked on their side.

She could only pray for some privacy, and that her parents would only bicker amongst themselves, without involving her. especially, if they hit the mini-bar!

"I didn't even know, you were in Kumo yet" Sakura stated, to her blonde friend..

"yeah, we just moved into the room across from yours" Ino said, while stretching. "our moms are chatting it up, right now"

Ino hopped onto Sakura's bed. Laying on her stomach and swaying her naked feet in the air. Sakura walked into her room, sliding the door closed, behind her.

She walked over, and sat down, beside her friend. Sakura felt slight annoyance by how Ino walked right in, and messed up her neat bedspreads.

"so, what do you want to do, for a while?" Ino asked, nonchalantly.

"still a week till the wedding...hm" Sakura hummed.

"...actually..." Ino interrupted her thinking. "the wedding has been postponed...you'll never guess why!"

"huh...why?" Sakura asked, perplexed.

"guess!" Ino squealed, with a cat smile.

"you just said, I'll never be able to guess!" Sakura replied, annoyed.

"mmmm...guess!" Ino squealed, with mischief.

"ugh...um...the groom is having second thoughts" Sakura deadpanned with a sigh, and a shrug.

"nnnnnoooo!...wishing Naruto would come back to loving you, huh" Ino teased in sing-song voice. "wwwrrrroooonnnngggg!"

"ARG! YOU PIG!" Sakura roared.

Sakura stood up, and prepared to rain down ass-kicking upon her friend. She came to a sudden stop, as soon as she started, and completely froze.

Sakura glared, and frowned. While a delighted smirk, crossed Ino's face. Her hands together, forming a rectangle border, towards the pink-haired nin.

"billboard brow! So slow! Too slow" Ino continued teasing, unabashed. "Mind Disturbance Jutsu!" she almost sang.

"Ino-pig..." Sakura growled, trembling with anger.

"guess!" the blonde squealed, again.

"AAARRRGGG" Sakura loudly, groaned.

"wrong again!" Ino smirked.

Sakura then felt her body contort into a pose. Her right arm hung over her head, the two front fingers of her left hand making a circle over her left eye. She bent at the knee, and jutted her butt out to the left.

"punishment! Nice _gal_ pose" Ino smiled. "kinda sexy! Lee would love to see you like this! If only I had a camera"

"IIIIIIIIInnnnnnooooo!" Sakura growled, through the shimmering smile, forced on her face. "I'm gonna kill you...I swear"

They would never publicly admit it. But they played these kind of pranks on each other, on a rare occasion. Ino could get as bad as a younger Naruto in some respects.

"this is for switching my hair-spray, with spray cheese!" Ino said, with cheerful vindictiveness.

Admittedly, Sakura could get pretty bad herself. Sakura then felt herself twist into a pose, that wouldn't look out of place in a 'Super Sentai' show.

"okay, okay, I give up" Sakura stated.

"say it!" Ino then made Sakura shove her fingers in her mouth, and tug on her cheeks.

"Eno ish ta ghradest" Sakura managed to mumbled out.

"too true, too true" Ino released her jutsu. "and the wedding is postponed because...THE MIZUKAGE IS COMING TO THE WEDDING!" she shouted, excitedly.

"what?" Sakura exclaimed, getting right in Ino's face. "...why?"

"no clue...my parents, and I; just found out" Ino responded, making room for Sakura on the bed. "the wedding date is being pushed back to accommodate the presence of Kirigakure"

"what a crazy time" Sakura said to herself.

"yeah...well, since we're free...Vay! Kay! Shun!" Ino sang. "new village, new shops; let's go!"

"actually...I kinda spent all my money on my wedding dress...and that little red one you convinced me to buy" Sakura said the last part, with a blush.

"oh yeah...me too!" Ino said, deflated. "let's go find some of the boys, and convince them to buy stuff for us!"

"like who?" Sakura asked, skeptical.

"Shika is easy to pinch from" Ino mentioned, ponderously. "and I can..._influence_ Kiba, to buy me some presents"

"good for you" Sakura said, pessimistic. "I however don't have anyone to..._'influence'_ like you do" Sakura used accompanying air quotes.

"wrong-o!" Ino grinned. "you have Lee, remember"

"ugh!" Sakura groaned. "I'm not-he's not-you...not happening!" Sakura insisted, quite adamantly.

"oh fine...guess I'll have to pull double duty for you" Ino sighed.

"don't you mean pull double _booty_, Piggy" Sakura ribbed.

"Mind Disturbance Jutsu!" Ino announced, while forcing Sakura into a handstand.

"hahahaha" Sakura laughed, defiantly.

While Sakura, and Ino played around. Sakura's mother; Mebuki, walked into the room. Seeing her, the girls straightened up, and pretended that they weren't just playing around like little children.

"Sakura-chan dear! There's a young man here to see you" Mebuki told her daughter.

"huh?" Sakura said, confused.

"gee Sakura, looks like you've been_ influencing_ some guys, after all" Ino mumbled, under her breath.

Sakura jabbed Ino in the ribs, after hearing her. She then walked over to her front door, and outside her room. Looking to her left, she saw a cloud ninja standing in the hallway.

"were you looking for me?" Sakura asked politely, walking up to him.

"Sakura Haruno...I'm Darui. Sorry, about the sudden drop in" Darui said, introducing himself.

"it's okay. What can I do for you?" Sakura asked.

She spoke in the most polite manner possible. Him, being the first cloud shinobi she's met, and her being a guest in his land. She made sure to be completely respectful.

"I'm here to inform you, that from this point on. Kumogakure will be lending it's assistance with the retrieval of Sasuke Uchiha" Darui said.

"wha...you mean...did someone named Naruto Uzumaki, request this" Sakura asked, shocked.

"yep, this is all Naruto" Darui smiled, and rubbed the back his head. "the lady Hokage said, you had info regarding Orochimaru, that could lead to him?"

"well, yes but..." Sakura's voice lowered. "...that trail is already long cold by now..."

The tip Sasori gave her about meeting an agent of his close to Orochimaru. Team seven was going to take up the opportunity to capture his spy, and find Sasuke.

But with Suna on the verge of collapse, and Kakashi out of commission from the Akatsuki battle. Tsunade forbid them from trying to take on Orochimaru, in such a precarious situation.

Tsunade even hospitalized Naruto when he insisted on going, and wouldn't take no, for an answer. Naruto's demeanor really changed after that.

He didn't leave his apartment, or speak to anyone, for weeks. Finding love with his new girlfriend in Kumo, must be what finally cheered him up.

"maybe so, but we'll take any info you can give us" Darui said. "sorry, if it's a bother, but do you think you can come with me, for a bit"

"no, it's alright" Sakura said. "I'll try to help you, as much as I can"

"I'll wait here, till you're ready" Darui replied.

Sakura walked back to her room. She ignored Ino, who was peeking around the corner of her door. She sat on her bed, and began putting on her sandals. Ino crawled up to her, with a smirk.

"got yourself, a foreign boyfriend, huh!" Ino teased. "so exotic!"

"for your information..." Sakura growled. "...he's going to be helping out in retrieving Sasuke-kun, and they want me to give them as much info as I can. So stow it, pig!"

"augh!" Ino gasped. "Kumo's going help get back Sasuke-kun...that's amazing news, forehead!"

"I know...I have to go, now" Sakura said, standing up.

"alright...but after you're done, there's a shopping district nearby. Meet up with me, there" Ino said, holding up a map, and pointing to it.

"Okay!" Sakura replied, and walked towards her door.

"Sakura..." Ino called.

"hm?" Sakura turned around.

"with two villages working together like this...we're gonna do it. We're getting Sasuke-kun back" Ino smiled, warmly.

"definitely!" Sakura smiled back.

"...just remember that he's mine, when they get him. Forehead!" Ino ribbed.

"whatever, piggy" Sakura smiled, and left.

* * *

"where are we going?" Sakura asked.

"to the Boss's office" Darui answered.

Darui took a hand out of his pocket, and pointed to the Raikage's office building. It was the most impressive site in the village. Crammed between mountains, and standing tallest of all.

"so we have to get on the trams" Sakura nervously, said.

When she first arrived, she wondered how exactly the people in Hidden Cloud got around, with every building separated by sheer cliffs. The answer was a series of aerial tramcars on cables.

Sakura has never even rode in a horse-drawn carriage. And definitely not one suspended in the air. Riding those things to her hotel, was the scariest non-combat related, experience of her life.

"sorry, if it's scary" Darui said, noticing her discomfort. "you get used to it, though"

Darui then walked to the ledge of the street, they were on. He performed some handseals, and then shot lightning out of his hands. He electrified the cable leading to the Raikage's office, and a tramcar quickly moved down towards them.

Darui calmly stepped on, when the vehicle appeared. Sakura nervously glanced over the edge, and gulped down. She then took a nervous step on board.

With another zap of lightning, Darui got the tram moving toward the towering building. Darui rested his elbows on the guard rails, while Sakura tried to be in the center, as best as possible.

"so I'm going to meet the lord Raikage?" Sakura asked, trying take her mind off falling.

"sorry, no. I know I'm pretty dull, but the Boss entrusted me with overseeing to this matter" Darui answered, looking over his village.

"so..do you...augh...happen to know where...nrg...Naruto Uzumaki is?...grm" Sakura mumbled, feeling queasy.

"the Raikage has taken to personally training him?" Darui answered. "they'll be somewhere I area eight, if they're not finished"

"the Raikage..ugh...Naruto is-hrm...he..." Sakura turned a shade of green.

"uh oh...looks like you're..." Darui said, noticing her ill complexion.

Sakura quickly ran to the rails of the tramcar, tossed her head over, and blew chunks. Darui politely held her hair back for her, as she vomited over the side.

Motion sickness! How did she not manage to catch it, the first time, she rode the railcar? She was medic-nin for goodness sake!

"sorry about that! You foreigners don't find this out, until you're finally on one of these" Darui apologized, still holding her hair.

Sakura finished gagging, and tiredly turned around. She decide to sit on her butt, for rest of the ride. She placed her hand on her forehead, and activated her mystical palm jutsu.

"oooohhh" Sakura groaned, as her nausea faded.

"sorry. I'll show you another way around, when we're done" Darui said, kneeling down next to her. "it's pretty dull, but we have tunnels, you can get around with"

"..." Sakura just sighed.

Darui grimace slightly, then returned his faced to his usual calm. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a pack of mint flavored gum. He waved it in front of Sakura's face.

"heh...gum?" Darui asked, after getting a whiff of her breath.

* * *

Being the Raikage's assistant certainly seemed had its perks. Mabui living space was...well; spacious. Naruto looked around his future wife's apartment, a bit jealous by how much better it was in comparison to his crap shack.

But it made him oh so happy, because he would be living here for a while. Mabui explained that their wedding was being held back, and that he could make himself at home at her place.

leaving his shoes at the door. Naruto took the time to explore his new abode. Her place looked brand spanking new; like every thing was just cleaned, and polished yesterday. He could almost see his reflection in the paint on the walls!

"ooohhh! Shiny chrome shower!" Naruto squealed, looking into the bathroom. "old man Raikage finally gave me a break; I'm gonna get so squeaky clean!"

With excitement he took off his pants, and undies, and just tossed them wherever; without a care. he stepped in to the shower. He shuddered when soothing hot water, enveloped him. He picked up a nearby container of shower gel.

"mmm...strawberry" Naruto muttered, getting a whiff.

He lathered some up in his hands, and rubbed himself down. He really liked the strawberry flavor; it was...Sakura-chan's favorite flavor of shampoo. It was the scent she most often had, when she got close enough for him to smell her hair.

Come to think of it? Fake Sakura's hair smelled of Strawberries as well! Did Sakura-chan tell Chie that? Did she know about the movie? Did she agree to that kissing scene between them...oops, getting hard down there!

Does thinking about another women count as cheating? Does..._'taking care of business'_ while thinking of another women, count as cheating? Hmmm...better try to think about Mabui instead.

No Sakura-chan, no Sakura-chan, no Sakura-chan...Mabui, Mabui, Mabui-chan...Mabui's boobs were sssooo much bigger! Her hips so much wider! And her pillowy lips. Her businesswoman-like charm was such a turn on...

And Sakura-chan would look so good kissing her lips...whoops! Come on brain, don't do this! Trying to be faithful, here! Even though Mabui's huge breasts would look so sexy smothering Sakura-chan's small ones...oh geez!

Naruto proceeded to turn the shower to the coldest setting. He shuddered as icy cold pellets rained down on his skin. He sighed, and let his mind clear...it was pretty hard getting over Sakura-chan.

There had to be some way to desensitize himself to thoughts about her! Naruto then looked down...and darted his eyes around. He stepped out of the shower, locked the door, and turned on the loud air conditioning.

Maybe if he gets all his thoughts of her out the way, she won't seem so important. He stepped back into the shower, and turned the dial to it's hottest setting...

* * *

Well, he at least wasn't thinking of Sakura-chan anymore...

After drying himself off. Naruto took to laying on Mabui's queen size bed. With just a towel around his hips, he got totally comfortable just lying there.

The sheets were purple satin. So glossy, and so soft on his skin! He could just live in her apartment forever...

He closed his eyes, and relaxed. The best way, to think of a way to help Gaara's village, was to be as calm as possible.

At least that's how Shikamaru seemed to do his thinking. If only he had Shikamaru's big fancy brain, to help him work something out!

It was completely clear fighting wasn't the way to go. And the marriage is just to prevent all the other villages from attacking each other. Maybe moving all the people of Suna to Konoha?...

"...how do I help the people of Suna..." Naruto mumbled to himself.

"...you can't save those people..." A deep voice spoke up.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH" Naruto screamed.

The blonde looked up to see Itachi Uchiha, sitting on the bed beside him. His jaw dropped, and swiftly Itachi grabbed his throat, with one hand. And bound his wrists, with his other hand.

Itachi mounted Naruto, and stared down at the blonde with burning sharingan eyes. Naruto mentally damned himself. His surprise prevented him from reacting faster.

"...and you can't save yourself..." Itachi stated, with an emotionless cruelty. He looked down his nose at the blonde.

"ack...you...how did you get in..." Naruto choked out.

"so foolish, Naruto-kun..." Itachi droned.

Itachi took his hand off Naruto's throat, and reached into his cloak. He pulled out Kunai, and brandished it above the blonde's bare torso.

Naruto grimaced, as Itachi softly slid the tip of the blade up his stomach, and to his neck. The uchiha then raised the kunai high in an underhand stab, above the blonde's head.

Naruto kicked, and struggled to get away. But Itachi grip was powerful, and the Uchiha's weight, kept him pinned like an anchor.

Itachi swung his hand down, with the blade heading straight for Naruto's right eye. Naruto closed his eyes, and braced for death. Cursing himself for allowing it to happen...but the killing stroke never came.

Naruto reopened his eyes, to see Itachi had simply placed the Kunai on the bed. Naruto looked back up at him, and snarled.

While the Uchiha's face held no emotion. Naruto could see the amusement in his eyes. Itachi was screwing with him!

"...such feeble defenses cannot stop an S-class ninja..." Itachi glared. "...it's especially foolish...for you to believe anything could prevent me from getting to you"

"...the fourth ninja war will start..." Itachi used his free hand to squeeze Naruto's cheeks. "Akatsuki...will make sure of that...and you will be the trigger"

"you bastard...what do you have to gain from starting a bloody war?" Naruto growled, still struggling.

"it's not that awful, Naruto-kun..." Itachi donned a light smirk. "...the warring states period. Had murder, terror...bloodshed that spared not even children"

"but those times, produced the First Hokage, Madara Uchiha, and the five hidden villages" Itachi continued. "True change cannot be made. If it is bound by laws, and limitations. Predictions, and imagination"

"that, what you thought?...when you killed your own clan!" Naruto snarled.

"of course!" Itachi wrapped both his hands around Naruto's throat. "the Uchiha were the strongest clan in the village, and I cut them nothing, in a single night"

Itachi's grip around the blonde's neck tightened. And the Uchiha stared unblinking into Naruto's eyes. Their faces mere inches apart.

"I stand above my pathetic clan..." Itachi whispered. Naruto could feel the Uchiha's breath on his face. "and thanks to you...I will eclipse even Madara, and the Shodai"

"what are you...talking about?" Naruto asked, struggling to rip Itachi's hands from his windpipe.

"you are special, Naruto-kun..." Itachi let go, and placed a hand on Naruto's stomach. "before the day is over...you will be mine"

"what?" Naruto gritted his teeth.

"I will take, all that you are!" Itachi slightly raised his voice, and gave a cold stare.

Naruto finally managed to kick Itachi away, and made a shadow clone. Just then, the door to the apartment opened. Mabui walked in, and gasped. Covering her mouth, with her hands.

"Mabui-chan! RRRUUUNNN!" Naruto yelled in anguish. Preparing a Rasengan.

"ah! Our villain has arrived..." Mabui smiled. "...and already rehearsing with him? You're so diligent Naruto-sama"

Naruto's rasengan burst in his hand. His anguished expression turned to deadpanned annoyance. He froze in place, while his brain digested new information.

The towel covering him fell from his waist. Flashing Mabui; who turned, while blushing. And flashing Itachi...whose expression did not change in the slightest.

"...what?..." Naruto asked, picking up the towel, and recovering his modesty.

"the...antagonist of the film will be Itachi Uchiha" Mabui said, still blushing. She walked over to her fiancé, and linked arms. "...I'd like you to meet He-"

"Mabui-san..." (fake)Itachi interrupted. "...if you would be so kind...I would like to stay as in character as possible..."

"hmhm...of course! Method actors" Mabui chuckled a bit. "meet your rival; Itachi Uchiha" she held out an arm towards him, in introduction.

"..." Naruto sighed. "...another actor...of course..."

_He scared the shit out of me..._Naruto thought to himself.

"let me guess. Jiraiya told you to rehearse with me?" Naruto asked.

(fake)Itachi nodded, and Naruto inwardly vowed to make his sensei pay, somehow. This (fake)Itachi was really, really good. He looked, and sounded just like the real thing.

"those eyes are...really convincing..." Naruto 'complimented'. With a measure of discomfort.

"they're contact lenses" (fake)Itachi said, removing one. Revealing a grey eye. "I used them, when I played Madara Uchiha in the {Senju} trilogies"

"cool" Naruto stated. "oohh! Can I try them on" he asked.

"I have extras" (fake)Itachi said, taking out a lens pack. Naruto took it from him, and excitedly plopped the lenses in.

"how do I look?" Naruto turned to Mabui, and stared with 'blazing' sharingan eyes.

"very menacing! Naruto Uchiha" Mabui laughed.

Naruto chuckled, then a amusing idea popped into his head. Clearing his throat. Naruto held one hand over his face, and put on a 'serious' face.

"I...am an avenger!" Naruto said, with as much melodrama as possible. "I'll revive my clan...and...KEEL!...That!...Man!"

"heheh, and who are you supposed to be?" Mabui asked.

"Sasuke Uchiha...my little brother" (fake)Itachi said, with smirk.

"is he in the movie, too?" Naruto asked, dropping the avenger act.

"can't say..." (fake)Itachi answered. "...the actress to play your wife, hasn't even been set...who knows"

"oh!" Naruto felt...rather mixed. disappointment, or relief? Hard to tell. "why exactly is Itachi, my bad guy though? What about Orochimaru?"

Odd that Sasuke's brother was to be the big bad of his film, and leave the younger Uchiha out. Orochimaru was an evil bastard, and was Akatsuki once. He seems like the perfect choice.

"He is forbidden from appearing on this film" (fake)Itachi stated. "your third Hokage, outlawed portrayals of him in the Land of Fire. That rule, is still upheld"

"ah!" Naruto got it. He'd probably make a law like that, too.

"by the way...um...Itachi..." Naruto awkwardly said. "you've got quite the...impressive grip" he said looking to his somewhat sore wrists.

"I took ninja training in preparation for my role..." (fake)Itachi answered. "...and this isn't the first Uchiha I've played...it's pretty similar..."

"you actors really go all out!" Naruto said. "how can you imitate him so well? Did a psycho criminal just agree to be interviewed"

He really, really hoped the answer to that wasn't yes. but today, was a weird day. His film; coming with Itachi Uchiha's blessings! Naruto would have to send him a gift basket...of exploding tags.

"no. But I do my homework..." (fake)Itachi claimed. "...a connoisseur of foods, with a vegetarian diet...a rather wicked cultured, very straight edge evil"

"vegetarian?" Naruto spoke, puzzled.

The real Itachi is vegetarian? He can't imagine the eldest Uchiha eating anything that didn't scream in terror before death. But maybe he could make veggies screech, before cooking them.

"well it's been fun, but I must going..." (fake)Itachi mentioned, while walking to the door. "as a criminal, I must...skulk"

"oh! By the way Itachi-san, the protagonist name was changed to Menma" Mabui said.

"hmm...goodbye, Menma...and remember..." (fake)Itachi turned around, and resumed his cruel 'in character' glare. "...I'll be watching..."

"heheh" Mabui waved.

"..." Naruto waved, with a frown. Pretend, or not. Waving goodbye to Itachi was creepy.

(fake)Itachi smirked, and body flickered away in a murder of crows. He really had done his homework. Naruto remembered his battle with...that somehow, also fake Itachi. And he used a bunch of birds as well.

"well then...Naruto-sama!" Mabui addressed.

"yeah babe?...and Naruto-kun is fine" Naruto replied.

"hm...I like Naruto-sama best..." Mabui tenderly smiled. "and I've scheduled a dinner date for us today, at the Sora-Kaminari"

"Sora-Kaminari?" Naruto asked.

"a five-star restaurant...it is my hope that we become closer, Naruto-sama" Mabui said.

"uh...I don't have any fancy clothes..." Naruto said, deflated. "or any clothes...I've just been wearing whatever old man Raikage gave to me"

"I happen to have some of your clothes, here" Mabui said. "and the rest of your belongings are-oops" she quickly covered her mouth, to prevent anymore words.

"you've got some clothes for me...and...what?" Naruto asked.

"...nothing!" Mabui replied, still muffled by her own hands.

"what?" Naruto asked, amused, and intrigued.

"...it's a surprise...that's all your getting from me" Mabui lowered her hands, and smiled.

Mabui hiked up her dress a tad, and took a seat on the bed. She patted the space next to her, motioning for Naruto to sit next to her. The blonde did so. Facing his soon-to-be wife.

"all you have to do is show up at Sora-Kaminari, at Twelve, and the rest will be taken care of" Mabui explained.

"oh! Okay" Naruto gave a salute.

"your training with Raikage-sama..." Mabui murmured. Eyeing his chest. "it certainly...looks to be going well"

"huh?" Naruto said.

Naruto looked at her confused for a moment. Then followed her eyes to his chest. Then a confident smile crept across his face.

The Raikage promised to make him bigger, and he now had the pecs to show for it! (and in just five days too! Raikages are amazing!)

Sure, he was in good shape before. But he wasn't exactly a showstopper. He had the same amount of muscle, as someone as lazy as Shikamaru...but not anymore!

"the results of my training!" Naruto grinned. He started flexing, and popping his pecs. "old man Raikage showed me how to do this!" he happily stated. Still popping.

"oh Raikage-sama..." Mabui sighed with a smile, and softly facepalmed.

The Raikage-sama's special Pec Pops of Manliness! Of course, he would teach it to Naruto. He taught it to everyone! Mabui cast an eye down to her own ample chest...as embarrassing as it was...she could do it too!

"so, how have you been doing?" Naruto asked. Pausing in his flexing. "we haven't really had a chance to be together"

"so busy...so very busy" Mabui sighed. "coordinating the marriage, overseeing my regular duties, and now attending to the Mizukage's arrival" she slouched for, but a single second. Then straightened herself back up.

"the Mizukage! Why is he even coming?...why was he even invited?" Naruto asked.

"the lord Mizukage invited himself...and the point of the marriage is to prevent war" Mabui said, wagging a finger. "if lord Mizukage is coming to as a show of peace...Kumo, and Konoha can't deny him invitation"

"hmm" Naruto simply hummed to himself. "I wonder what he looks like? Do you know?"

"no. No one does. Mizukage have a history of secretiveness" Mabui said. "rumor is, ninja from their village don't even know who the Mizukage is"

"what! How do they even...how?..." Naruto wondered, befuddled.

"It's just, the way they operate" Mabui replied.

"hn...hey, babe! You seem like your really, really smart" Naruto praised.

"thank you" Mabui replied with a smile. "you a..appear to have a functioning brain, as well" she blushed a bit.

Darn it! That was a lame way to respond to her fiancé. She would see to preparing, much more appealing compliments, in the future!

"you're cute!" Mabui blurted out. Finally thinking of something. "...really cute!"

"thanks, babe" Naruto grinned. "can I ask you a question?"

"of course!" Mabui smiled. "you can ask me anything" she placed her hand on Naruto's lap, and caressed him.

"well...about Suna. Do you know what the best way is, for me to help them?" Naruto asked.

She wasn't Shikamaru. But his future wife looked like she had a big sexy brain, hiding under her regular sexiness. She is the Raikage's assistant, for a reason.

"..." Mabui grew silent.

"...I-It's alright, if you don't know" Naruto said, worried by her silence. "it was a stupid question, just forget about i-"

"I can answer you..." Mabui spoke up. "...I am going to be your wife. So I should be as honest, as I possibly can"

"..." Naruto grabbed Mabui's hands, and cradled them in his.

"...the best way for you, to help Sunagakure" Mabui started. "is to personally go to Suna. Become their Sixth Kazekage. And defend the Land of Wind. With the threat of unleashing the Kyubi"

"..." Naruto looked into Mabui's eyes.

"with a new Kazekage, and the strongest Tailed Beast as a weapon. Villages will have to think twice before, invading" Mabui stated. "it's possible to prevent their collapse, like that"

"oh..." Naruto pondered. "...those are the two things Suna's missing right now. You're so smart, Mabui-chan!" he smiled.

"yes.." Mabui slipped her hands from Naruto's. "but that course of action. Involves you betraying Konoha, and Kumo. Putting the fourth shinobi war, right on track...and leaving me..."

"gah!" Naruto coughed.

Mabui-chan was...kind of glaring at him. Why was she so angry?...Did she think?...He wasn't thinking of...but if she...gotta make it, right!

"M-Mabui-chan I would never..." Naruto stuttered, and waved his hands. "I-I...I want to be with you!" Naruto breathed out.

"..." Mabui's smiling face returned. "...I'm sorry, Naruto-sama. But Suna can't regain itself, without war"

"..." Naruto looked down.

After a moment of silence between them. Mabui stood up from the bed, and planted a tender kiss on Naruto's cheek. He looked up at her, a bit happier.

"I have to go now. Your clothes are in that dresser there" she pointed, to her furniture.

"can't you...stay a while longer..." Naruto asked, holding his cheek; trying to keep her warmth with him.

"sorry no. I have a schedule..." Mabui walked to the front door. "...I'll make it up to you on our date, later"

Mabui walked out of her home, with wave behind her. Naruto felt a bit lonely, but also a bit hopeful. A date! He was going on a date with a beautiful chick.

The front door clicked open, and Naruto perked up. He hoped Mabui was coming back to him. Maybe he could get another kiss from her!

But instead of his future wife. Yugito Nii; the two-tails jinchuriki, walked in. She strolled up to him, and smiled down at him.

"what are you doing here, Yugito?" Naruto asked, leaning back to stare up at her.

"Mabui-san asked me to keep you company, since she's busy" Yugito answered. "it's been a while. I wanted to get to know you, myself"

"heheh...okay! Let's do it!" Naruto exclaimed, with a laugh.

"you've tried out, Mabui-san's shower" Yugito mentioned, noticing his state of dress. "but have you been in, one Kumo's hot springs?"

"uh uh" Naruto shook his head.

"well, you are in for a treat, today!" Yugito said. "it'll certainly make up for Mabui-san leaving you so...disappointed" her eyes fell lower on Naruto's body.

Naruto followed her gaze...he grabbed a pillow, and covered himself up further. Was he pitching a tent the whole time Mabui-chan was talking to him?

"I'll meet you outside, when you're ready, Uzumaki-san" Yugito calmly, walked out the door.

* * *

**The Maltese Frog  
**

**Chapter One**

**Scene One**

It was a warm day in the summer of June. A morning of clouds lazily strolling the sky.

I take a slow drag from a cigarette. I exhale, and captivate myself with the smokey wisps. I wasn't much for smoking, but these days, I'll take anything I can have some measure of control over.

Here I am, in foreign land, surrounded by history I didn't know, and famous faces I couldn't recognize. I spoke the same language as everyone, but still I felt like an alien from outer space.

It all started a few weeks back...

A close friend of mine had met his maker. He was the head honcho of a village. The top dog; the Kazekage. He was kidnapped from his home in the middle of the night. I tried my damnedest rescue him, before the worst could happen.

I tried-I really did. But failure followed me, like a stalker ex-girlfriend with a vendetta. The only thing I managed to bring back was a cold corpse, and a dead grandmother.

You'd think dead grandma would be the worst of it. But for me, it was just the start of a grocery list.

Dead friend, from the frozen section. Dead granny, from the dairy aisle. Next item, was war from the death department; half price with an apocalypse gift card.

The word was out. Sunagakure; a sinking ship, with pirates closing in. Something wicked this way comes. World war four on the horizon.

Me, a pretty girl, and an altar...

That's the punchline of the joke that starts with the Hokage, and the Raikage walk into a bar, and try to make peace happen. No one was drunk, but I sure didn't feel sober.

In order to stop everybody, from dusting everybody. I had to put on a suit, and tie; stand beside a foreign duchess in a white dress, and say two little words.

I know what you're thinking. What am I complaining about?

And I suppose you're right, to think that. The broad I'm marrying, was a knockout femme fatale, with curves in all the right places, and legs for miles.

A supermodel, and shinobi. I'm sure some men would bash my skull in for a chance to marry a hot amazon like her. Probably some women too.

But this was a marriage of convenience. Arranged without my consent. What difference does that make, you ask? I carried a torch for a dame, back home. A pink-haired vixen, that set my heart a flutter.

I was in love with another woman. But I have to-HAVE TO marry this other woman, or the world getting would be getting a new paint job; deep red. My mind knew this damn well, but in my heart...I'm young, dumb, and in love.

I met my blushing bride-to-be, sure. But...there was always her...the pink vixen. A medic-nin. I've known her for years, and she didn't look half bad in nurse's outfit, if you catch my drift.

Whoops. There goes my bad habit. Another problem I had. Was a bit like a demon treading in my shadow. Sure, I loved that pink-haired gal. But I kinda loved lots of other gals, as well.

Blonde, brunette, petite, busty, tall, short, chubby, sporty...I don't have the best history of commitment to dames. Not to one dame at least.

All women were beautiful! That was a motto my master subscribed to. I should admit I didn't have the best role model, in commitment to look up to. My teacher is known as the bane of hot springs, in hidden Cloud.

My teacher had vices, like a leopard had spots. Woman, liquor, and gambling. Shame wasn't a word in his dictionary. Ironic, considering he's an author.

I take another drag, and expel a puff of smoke. I lean on the railings, and look over the edge. Here I am, in Kumogakure. As close to heaven, as I was ever going to get.

Still though; hell was right around the corner, if didn't watch my back. I was a marked man. The same men who rubbed out my friend; were coming after me, next.

Akatsuki was the moniker they went by...the Red Dawn...

Akatsuki was a gang of psychotic mercenaries, who answered to no one. They weren't people. They were monsters in the shape of men.

Ninjas who hear they've been targeted by them; shit their pants, and savor it. It would be the last warm feeling, they ever have.

I didn't do anything that warranted such bastards. I hadn't asked for this crap. Trouble came to my door, demanding an answer. I'm holding up the world, and now these maniacs want to come, and break my back.

All I had, was a pack of cigarettes, a trench coat, and bit of moxie. The odds were against me...

...and then she walked up to me. I looked up at the sound of her dainty footsteps, approaching me. I started at the toes, and worked my way up.

Her legs seemed to go on for hours, but maybe that was just me. She had gold platinum hair, and an hourglass figure, draped in violet. She was a sultry thing, alright.

She hid it well, behind a kind smile, but I could tell, she was a tigress. Her clothes didn't cover much, and it was for more than just comfort. She knew how alluring she was.

"well thank you, Naruto" she said to me. "not that I don't appreciate the compliments. But is there a reason, you're narrating?"

She placed a hand on her shapely hips, and looked at me through her lovely sapphire eyes. I saw amusement in her features, like a-

"you're doing it, again!" She interrupted my thoughts. "You're talking out loud Naruto...are trying out some new kind of flirting?"

Suppose a dame like her would assume, as much. I can't think of a single man who wouldn't be. She was, like a hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top, in an arid desert.

"you're smoking a cigarette, and wearing a trench coat..." she stated, noting my state of dress.

She put a delicate finger to her chin, and got lost in thought. She stared at me, like a math professor trying to solve a complicated algorithm.

"and what are you writing?" she asked, noticing me sketching in my notebook.

"faster than I could react, she snatched the notebook out of my hands, and looked over it" Naruto narrated in a gruff voice.

"the maltese frog?...are you writing some kind of novel" Ino handed the book back, and gave Naruto a curious eye.

"...my memoirs...I told her, and went back to my scribbling" Naruto narrated. "the dame, was as pushy, as a bull seeing red"

"uh huh...and the monologuing?" Ino asked, amused. "you sound like a movie detective"

"what can I say, it helps" Naruto shrugged. "now what can I do for ya, babe?"

"eheh...heh" Ino wryly chuckled.

"she let out a humorless laugh. More a cry for help, than anything else. It tugged on my heart, like an anchor sinking in the ocean" Naruto narrated.

"that's right, it is a cry for help...I'm...kinda lost" Ino slumped.

"lost! Of course, she was. In hidden Cloud; every street, was a dead-end street. Easy place a for a tourist to lose their way...easy place for a local to ambush a tourist. Considering this is a ninja village, I suppose, that was the point" Naruto monologued.

"when you say it like that, I feel really stupid" Ino sighed. "so, come on. Let's go!"

"she grabbed me by the arm, and tugged me about, like a dog on a leash" Naruto narrated, as he was dragged about. "she was the type of woman who you didn't say no to. She was lost, and I was found"

"so am I going to be in your memoirs?" Ino asked, walking with an arm wrapped around Naruto's.

"a beautiful dame like you...of course..." Naruto gruffly said. "...care for a puff" he said offering a cigarette.

"honestly! Asuma, Shikamaru, and now you..." Ino sighed. "...is your wife going to appreciate, the smoking?"

"they're herbal, babe. Wouldn't wanna piss off the missus, with the real thing" Naruto explained.

"really!..." Ino took the cigarette from his hand, and examined it. "really dedicated to the noir feeling huh...alright, I wanna play along. Seems like fun!"

She wrapped her glossy lips around the smoke stick. And gave me a look, like a sultry chanteuse, about to serenade me with a lullaby. I could almost hear a kitten purr.

**Blonde Silly **

**Act One**

**Scene Two**

"gotta light...private dick" I ask, puckering my lips in a risqué fashion.

He held out a lit match. I touched his hand, to light the cancer stick in my mouth. With bit more intimacy, than needed. I could tell, he loved every second of it.

It was an early morning, mid-year in June. The rain was pouring down hard. Like Raijin himself had a clogged toilet, and flooded his bathroom.

"it's not raining" my lovable, but dumb friend said, looking up.

Naruto Uzumaki was his name. The name couldn't be more meaningful, if he were a flower. The guy downed ramen, like alcoholics drank themselves to death.

It's been a while since I'd last seen him. Since anyone back home had seen him, really. He wore a dull orange trench coat, that covered his black ninja uniform.

He wasn't wearing his Konoha headband. He did give up being a leaf ninja, so it's no surprise. But still, it hurt somewhat, like that dull ache you get after you stub your pinky toe.

I don't know if it's the snazzy coat or the smoking. But he seemed bizarrely more attractive, than usual. He wasn't hideous before, and at most he could be cute when he wasn't loudly yammering.

But the person in front of me, looked all ginned up, with a hardboiled feel to him. He was playing at private detective, and I was surprisingly turned on by it.

If Naruto could do that, imagine what someone like Sasuke-kun could do to me, acting all private eye. I'd melt faster than an ice-cube in Suna.

I was lost in this village. I left my hotel suite this morning, after a friend of mine, hooked up a new boyfriend. I got turned around, like an ossified hobo, stuck in a labyrinth.

But as luck would have it. I managed to meet up with an old friend. The man of the hour. In a little while, he would be single no more, and off the market forever.

Which for me, of course. Meant he just went on sell.

I'm Ino Yamanaka, of the famous Yamanaka clan. My family is known for jutsu, that uses the human body, like a child plays with a toy. I've certainly jumped into my fair share of bodies.

I"ve spent more time inside other people, than the other way around. A lot more than I'd like...**FORGET YOU HEARD THAT!**

...I'm a beautiful attractive young woman. I've forgotten the number of broken hearts I've left in my wake, while waiting on him. Sasuke Uchiha; the dreamboat I'm sweet on.

...and my old lover. Haven't seen him, in years. That poor sweetheart; plagued by demons, like a shark to blood. He was all alone in the world, after watching his clan meet their end; the most grim way possible.

He left the village in need of vengeance. The next day; Naruto here, and group of friends got on the case, and tried to stop him, before it was too late.

Some punks from sound village, got in their way. They returned with nothing. Sasuke Uchiha was in the wind.

I never got the full story from any of the guys, assigned to that case. Shikamaru, Kiba, Neji, Choji, and Naruto here. All buttoned up about it. But I suppose, I can't blame them.

Shikamaru, and Choji were my two teammates. Some of the laziest people you will ever meet. One could give a sloth, a run for his money. The other a-

"you know, if there was anyone I'd love to aimlessly wander around with; It'd be you, doll" Naruto spoke up. "but you haven't told me, where you're trying to go"

"whoops! Eheheheh I was going to a nearby shopping center...uh I forgot the name" I told him, rather embarrassed. I lost my map.

"that's okay! I know where you're talking about" Naruto said to me, with a smile.

I let him, lead me around. Our arms locked, and silence between us. He strangely wasn't much for chattin', and I was finding the silent treatment rather attractive.

We walked at a nice, and slow pace. Giving me plenty of time, to admire my old friends features. It was just like I thought; getting married brought out the best in a man.

My best friend's partner here, was usually a goof. But here he was, all handsome. I was in love with the scent of the cologne I smelled off him. It was like an old lover of mine.

Dark temptation! From the Nodachi* line of body spray. Nodachi* was advertised for men, by men. Boasting itself, as the number one product for reeling in women.

I'd have to consider it a success. It drew me in, like an elephant to peanuts...(no! That makes me, sound fat!)-like a mouse on a-on a...

"a little help" Ino asked, breaking her monologue.

"hm" Naruto smiled. "okay"

Much like it's advertising; my cologne appealed to her, like a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I loved smell of her perfume, too. I couldn't place the name but I-

Tea rose was the scent of my perfume. I was a sucker, for the flowery flavors. My family owned a flower shop, and I've spent my whole life around the prettiest of the plant species.

"you know I'm the main character, right?" Naruto asked, with amused expression. "the story, is from my prospective"

"I think I'd great if the love interest got a monologue" Ino said. "no noir story has that. It'd be refreshing"

"love interest! You?" Naruto asked.

"who else?" Ino asked, irritated by his tone.

"sorry doll. I've already got a love interest. Two, in fact..." Naruto said. "my fiancé, and...the pink-haired vixen, and they're not getting a monologue"

"I'm just practicing, with you" Naruto said.

"pink-haired vixen?...Sakura!" Ino said. "oh...well you're getting another one"

"what? This isn't a harem...as pretty as you are-" Naruto was interrupted by Ino's lips covering his.

Naruto's surprise subsided quickly, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He closed his eyes, and returned the kiss. Thinking on it. Naruto was certain an act like this, would look great, in the rain, under an umbrella...

They stopped kissing, and silently looked into each others eyes. Ino flashed an arrogant smile. Naruto returned a rather subdued smile.

"her soft lips hit me, like a paper tag bomb" Ino narrated for him, with a teasing smile. "suddenly. I found myself, missing my home, and the prettiest girl in it!"

* * *

"thank you, for your coöperation" Darui said.

"no. Thank you for taking up this task. I just wish I could be of more help" Sakura replied, with smile.

"you can't win, them all" Darui shrugged. "Kumo's smoked out a couple of Orochimaru's hideouts, in past"

Darui sat on top of the Raikage's desk. Scribbling down notes, and placing thumbtacks, on a large map. The map had X's in places where Kumo already raided an Otogakure hideout.

Kumogakure's had to deal with Orochimaru kidnappings civilians, and ninja from their village. Darui had lots of information to work with, as finding Orochimaru was the one thing all the hidden villages cooperated on, without conflict.

The snake sannin kidnapped people from every village, and had hideouts in seemingly every village. Eliminating a pest like him, was something all villages wished to see, no matter who accomplished it.

"we've got a pretty skilled tracker, named J investigating this Tenchi bridge lead of yours" Darui said. "if anyone can find a hideout there, it's him"

"..." Sakura sighed.

As grateful as she was. The disappointing fact is, the five hidden villages kind of already cooperated in capturing Orochimaru. And they were still no closer to finding him.

Sasori's tip was a one-shot chance, and they missed it. No choice now, but to find her friends, and enjoy Naruto's wedding.

"sorry, for disappointing you like this" Darui said. "I'll escort you out now-oop" Darui knocked over a cup of pens.

"I'll get that for you" Sakura politely offered.

Walking over, and kneeling down. She shoved the pens back in the cup. She paused on her knees, after seeing her full name etched into the floor.

"huh?" Sakura grunted, standing up.

"ah...that..." Darui mumbled.

Sakura stood up, out of the way, and surveyed the words on the floor. The first part, she read, caused her to smile...the second part. Caused her to blush, and drop, the pens again.

"wa-wa..what is this?" Sakura asked, fidgeting.

"I'm guessing this is the first your hearing of it" Darui droned. Picking the pens up, himself. "this was requested by Naruto of the Raikage"

"you mean the part about me, and...Sasuke-kun..." Sakura turned red, unable to finish her sentence.

"...yeah...though Naruto seemed to think you would be excited about that" Darui said.

"of course, I'm excited. It's just...I think it should start slow. With dating, and flowers, and chocolates, and romantic evenings, and..." Sakura stopped herself, after realizing she was prattling.

"it says as soon as Sasuke is retrieved.." Sakura said. "that's a little too soon...is all..." she gained a timid look. "the Raikage actually agreed to this?"

"well, actually. Retrieving Sasuke Uchiha was the only thing asked of the Boss" Darui said. "Sasuke, and you marrying was asked of the lady Hokage"

"Tsunade-shishou, agreed to this!" Sakura screeched.

"well, no. Not exactly..." Darui explained. "the Boss sort of...accepted for her"

"oh my god...Naruto..." Sakura whined.

"if it's that much of bother, you could ask the Boss to change his mind" Darui said. "he's sure to listen to the ninja, who defeated Sasori of the Red Sand"

"me! defeated him! Chiyo-baasama, was the one who struck the killing blow. I just helped" Sakura stated, taking a somber tone.

She clutched her abdomen. Remembering the fight caused her a small ache, right were Sasori fatally stabbed her in the battle.

Not the kind of fight, Sakura wanted to go through, again. Especially not, if according to Sasori. Chiyo-sama brought her back from the dead, at the cost her own life.

"you've got that faraway look..." Darui said. Getting her attention. "sorry, for bringing up bad memories"

"it's alright" Sakura mumbled. "you said, the Raikage is in area eight. But do you know where lady Tsunade is?"

"...they've both gone off to intercept the Mizukage" Darui replied. "to gauge his intentions, before letting him join the ceremony"

"oh.." Sakura grumbled.

"I can escort you out, now" Darui offered, again.

With a sigh, Sakura silently followed Darui's lead out of the building, and outside. Darui stood near a ledge, taking in fresh air with a deep breath.

Sakura noticed a stand with binoculars attached to them, and decided to take a peek out them. Looking below for the shopping district, she agreed to meet at.

Her eyes, landed on her best friend Ino; walking the streets below. Her arm linked with...some guy in a trench coat. Looks like Ino, decided to pull double booty without her!

"that's Ino!" Sakura exclaimed.

"hm...friend of yours?" Darui asked, walking over to her.

"Darui, how long does it take to travel through those tunnels of yours?" Sakura asked.

"an hour..." Darui replied.

"ugh..." Sakura sighed.

"I told you, it was pretty dull" Darui said. "I'm sorry"

"I kinda want to get to my friend, now" Sakura pouted. "but taking that tram..."

"well, there's another way to get there" Darui mentioned. "it's pretty unorthodox, but I can have you down there in a second or two"

"...I'll do it" Sakura answered.

"but, when I tell you what it is. You might not want to" Darui said, scratching his head.

"...then, don't tell me!" Sakura said, with conflicted confidence.

"...eheh...alright" Darui said, taking out a hook. "hold on to me, please"

"..." Sakura raised a wary eyebrow, but complied with him.

Together, they walked towards the tram cable. Standing at the edge of the Raikage building. Sakura squeezed tighter to Darui after looking down, and closed her eyes.

"heh" Darui grunted, from the tight squeeze. "sorry...but you did ask for this"

Jumping high into the air, Darui hooked onto the cable, and began a high speed slide down it. Sakura couldn't tell how fast they were traveling, due her eyes being closed.

But judging from the amount of gust, hitting her backside. She would have to say pretty goddamned fast! But at least she wasn't feeling sick.

She peeked opened one eye, and then...then...

"WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Sakura hooted, and hollered. As she soared through the sky, clutching to Darui. Now, this was the way to travel! Something, like this only happened in novels!

"woo!" Sakura grinned wide, as they landed.

"eheh" Darui chuckled, watching her.

Sakura heard him laugh, in her direction, and blushed. She quickly straightened herself out, patting down her clothes. Releasing a calming sigh, she returned to her normally composed self.

"It's okay, you know" Darui said. "Naruto did the exact same thing, when he rode cables, like that"

"ehehehe" Sakura nervously laughed, blushing again.

Being compared to Naruto for screaming like a child, on a playground slide. Not the kind of compliments, she wanted to hear, from anyone.

"you two really are teammates...though he was a little more terrified" Darui mentioned.

"who did he ride with? His fiancé?" Sakura asked, coyly.

"nah. He had his first time, with the big Boss himself" Darui said. "the Boss didn't warn him, before he jumped out of his office"

"oh" Sakura grunted, just a bit awe'd.

Riding down the cable with the Raikage himself. Must be a great honor in Hidden Cloud. Naruto must be having the time of his life. Darui continued escorting her, into the shopping district.

Ino found Sakura quickly, walked over with a smile. Sakura walked up to Ino, with a smile, as well. Sakura's smile faltered somewhat when noticed Ino, with cigarette in her mouth.

**Pink Woman**

**Chapter One  
**

**Scene Three**

"Shikamaru, and Asuma-sensei. Finally get to you, Ino?" my pink-haired friend, with a forehead so big, you could play table tennis on it, asked.

"what did you, say?" Sakura growled in irritation, after hearing Ino's narration.

Sakura Haruno; my much less attractive, friend. After a while, I finally managed to find her. I didn't have to worry about her being lonely. She had an exotic new boy-toy to keep her company.

"Ino..." Sakura growled, in anger.

"uh heh..." Darui nervously, laughed after hearing her.

Sakura Haruno was her name, but everybody just called her hammerhead. She, and Rock Lee were old lovers, and made nookie like a couple of-

"INO!" Sakura cracked her knuckles, and glared. "finish that sentence...and it's GO TIME! DO YOU HEAR!" she charge a visible amount of chakra to her right fist.

"ehehehe sorry, sorry! I got carried away, is all" Ino raised her hands, in surrender.

"..." Sakura exhaled, and calmed herself.

She looked over to Darui, who caught her gaze, and gave an awkward smile. He looked like he was ready to apologize at any moment.

"smoking, Ino?" Sakura crossed her arms.

"yes, I know. But relax, they're herbal" Ino explained. "...guess, who gave them to me!" she smiled.

"...Shikamaru?" Sakura said, glaring a bit, after remembering how their last guessing game turned out.

"Naruto!" Ino exclaimed.

At the sound of his Name. Naruto appeared from around a corner. Ino had told him to wait there, so she could surprise, Sakura. Naruto walked up to Sakura, and took a puff of his cigarette.

"hey, doll. Beautiful as always" Naruto gruffly stated. "and there she was. My pink-haired vixen. She looked as lovely, as a rose garden in the sunlight"

"uh...thank you...Naruto" Sakura replied, surprised. Ignoring the monologue, in favor the compliments.

That was a strange yet...welcomed moment. Naruto never praised her appearance, in such a poetic way. Just enough to be charming, but not too much.

Sakura found herself mesmerized, as Naruto blew smoke from his mouth. Naruto's lips looked so smooth, and shiny. Was he actually wearing lip gloss?

Sakura turned from him, and blushed. She was finding herself honestly attracted to Naruto. She didn't feel that way, before, but now...goodness!

This makes her, just as bad as Ino! The second Naruto went off the market, is when she starts, seeing a different side of him! This is so wrong!

While Sakura fidgeted to herself. Naruto threw away his cigarette, chewed on a stick of gum. Spit it out, and smelled his own breathe. He was ready! Action!

Naruto reached out, and cradled Sakura's chin in hand. Sakura blushed even harder, as he forced her to stare at his face. Naruto wrapped his free arm around her waist.

"I'm getting married soon..." Naruto gruffly stated.

"I...I know..." Sakura replied, timidly.

Sakura couldn't believe it, herself. But Naruto making her feel...complicated emotions. Normally, she would knock him into the horizon, for being so forward, but...

"we can't be together, anymore..." Naruto said.

"we, were never...together, Naruto" Sakura blushed, and turned her head.

"no...I mean team seven...it's over, doll..." Naruto said.

Naruto let go of Sakura, and turned around. He put his hands in his pocket, and stood with his back to her. Sakura frowned, at his cold actions.

"...after the wedding. We can't see each other anymore" Naruto spoke, over his shoulder.

"what?" Sakura grabbed his shoulder, and turned him to face her. "Konoha, and Kumo are allying now. I'll be sure to visit, whenever I can"

"I don't think I can do that, doll" Naruto gruffly, replied. "...I don't think I can stand, to watch you leave. Time, and again. With fading promises of coming back"

"I don't know what you mean by that, Naruto" Sakura asked. "if I leave you, just know, that I will come back"

"but, you don't have to come back..." Naruto replied. "all your friends, and family are in Konoha...there's nothing for you, here"

"..." Sakura looked toward the ground, and furrowed her eyebrows. "...you're here..." she whispered

"come again?" Naruto asked.

"I said, you're here!" Sakura spoke louder, and looked back to him. "isn't that enough?"

After a moment of silence. Naruto wrapped his arms around Sakura's waist, again. Her blush returned, and she considered batting him away. But deciding against it.

"you'd come here, just for me, doll?" Naruto nearly, whispered.

"of course! We're friends..." Sakura answered.

"baby. You always remind me of, why I fell for, a dame like you" Naruto said with a tender smile.

"ehehe..heh" Sakura nervously laughed. Things were getting, a wee bit intense between them. "right! Well you should probably, be letting me go no-"

Sakura froze, when she felt Naruto's lips meet hers, in a soft caress. She felt the urge to strike him down for, being so audacious with her. But it faded, quickly.

Naruto pulled away from her, and lit up another cigarette. Sakura felt a twinge of disappointment, after he stopped, and moved away.

Even if it was Naruto. Being held so warmly, and kissed so romantically. Felt rather nice. It was exactly the kind of thing, she always dreamt of with Sasuke.

"I didn't realize, you other leaf ninja agreed to help the actors rehearse?" Darui spoke, after a lengthy silence.

"what?" "excuse me?" Ino, and Sakura said. At the same time.

"wait, did you just say..." Sakura mumbled. "...actor..." she glared at Naruto, after understanding Darui's word.

"she glared at me, with look more vicious than a- " (not)Naruto's narration was interrupted, by Sakura planting a chakra laced uppercut, to his chin.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh hhhhhh!"

(not)Naruto flew out of his trench coat, and was sent him flying off into the horizon. Darui watched as the actor soared through the air. He winced after seeing the blonde's Impromptu crash landing.

"inhaling smoke, even if herbal, into your lungs, is bad for you!" Sakura growled, through gritted teeth. "enjoy the fresh air!"

Sakura caught (not)Naruto's cigarette after it flew out his mouth. She angrily crushed it in her hand. She sent an extreme death glare towards Ino. Who shirked from her friend's gaze.

"d-don't look at me like that! I didn't know he was a fake!" Ino pleaded, dropping the cigarette in her mouth.

"man...I hope that guy, gets paid well..." Darui stated, with pity. Looking at how far, the fake Naruto landed.

"Darui-san! Why is there an imposter of Naruto, walking around?" Sakura asked, facing him.

"it's for the movie..." Darui replied. "this wedding's getting a movie, so actors are coming to play in it"

"really! A movie, being made here!" Ino grinned. "...though...I probably should have, figured that out...earlier" Ino's smile faded.

Wow! Ino couldn't feel any dumber, about missing all the signs pointing that conclusion. Naruto; super handsome, and eloquently poetic? What a joke.

She must of been distracted by all the cologne, makeup, and lip gloss; his handsome double wore...note to self. Real Naruto, may look good with makeup, and lip gloss.

"so where is the real goof, anyway?" Ino asked, sighing.

"hm...oh right! I almost forgot" Darui mentioned.

He reached into his pockets, and pulled out eight black decorative cards. He handed them to Sakura, and Ino. Four cards to each girl. Sakura spotted her name among her hand of cards. And Ino; the same.

"Sora-Kaminari?" Sakura read. "what's that?"

"it's your invitation, to a free dinner" Darui explained. "for you, and the other people on the cards"

"Shika, Choji, Kiba, Lee, Shino, Tenten!" Ino read off, the rest of the names. "that's all of our friends"

"the Sora-Kaminari is a five-star restaurant, you're invited to dine there, at twelve today" Darui stated. "your families, can come with you, as guest, as well"

"but why are we invited?" Sakura asked, raising eyebrow. "we don't know anyone rich enough to afford a five-star restaurant"

Well, truthfully, they did. But Hinata wasn't in Kumogakure. And Tsunade was too much of a skinflint to shell out for fancy dinner party. Ino's mother; Takanomiya, came from nobility, but she certainly wasn't throwing a party in Kumogakure.

"Naruto's fiancé; Mabui. Decided on throwing, this little get together" Darui answered. "everything is on her"

"um, Darui...is Mabui, like really rich?" Ino asked.

"well...she's got some spending money. More than me, anyhow" Darui chuckled a bit. "sorry about this, but do you think you could give those to the rest of your friends, for me?"

"yeah, sure" Sakura answered. Darui smiled, and then vanished in an electrical body flicker jutsu.

"...darn, and I thought we were making progress on seducing Naruto..." Ino grumbled, and sighed.

"what are you talking about?" Sakura asked, suspicious of her friend.

"the plan, remember!" Ino asked, smirking.

"Ino!...you didn't..." Sakura gasped.

"oh I did!...you did, too!" Ino grinned.

"..." Sakura grimaced, and blushed.

"it wasn't Naruto, but...we both kissed a movie star. So props anyway! High five!" Ino squealed.

Ino held up a hand, and waited for a response. Sakura gave her a tired look and left her hanging. Ino continued waiting, with her hand in the air; undeterred. After a long awkward pause Sakura gave in, and enthusiastically high-five'd Ino.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Or re-reading, if you did so!**


	3. The Pay Off

**Above the Clouds**

******Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah naruto. blah, blah, blah kishimoto. blah, blah, blah lawsuit**

* * *

Naruto let a low moan escape his lips. A pleasurable shudder coursed throughout his body. He sat down, and let soothing hot water envelop him.

Kumogakure had hot springs just laying all around, and they were all huge. In the fire country, you had to check into a inn, and use the artificial springs they had. But in the land of lightning; they were just everywhere.

"I knew you would like it!" Yugito chirped, with smile.

Naruto strode up to land, and rested his elbows on the ledge. He grinned at Yugito; who stood high, and dry above him. She showed him to this remote hot spring. She observed, while Naruto enjoyed a dip.

"definitely! But what about you?" Naruto asked, with a grin. "don't you want come in, and soak"

Yugito smiled at him, and he returned a wider smile. Yugito then began undressing, while Naruto looked on. Naruto just continued smiling, as Yugito continued stripping...and then it dawned on him, that he watching a hot woman get naked.

His face turned bright red. My goodness! Yugito was hiding some huge boobs, under her clothing...Why couldn't he turn away...stupid question!

Why was she undressing in front of him?...because he asked her to come in! Damn, he needs to think before speaking.

Yugito hopped in the water right next him. She scooped up some water, and drenched herself. Naruto watched slack-jawed, as water ran down her body. Yugito turned to him, and delivered a catty smirk.

"This place is completely, remote. There is no one around, but us" Yugito mentioned.

"...yeah" Naruto blushed hard, covering his eyes.

"when I said, I wanted to get to know you..." Yugito spoke with lidded eyes. "I meant, _really_ get to know you"

"...uuummm..." Naruto hummed, flustered, and blushing.

"so..." Yugito, moved even closer to Naruto. "...no one will disturbed us..." she darted her eyes around quickly.

"..." Naruto, turned his body away from her. (praying she did not feel him 'poking' her)

"alright! Let's do it!" Yugito grinned.

Let's do it! Did she mean?...and no one will disturb them. Naruto stared into Yugito''s eyes. She looked excited...and hungry, like he would before eating ramen. Her hips were pressing into his. Is this what she meant when she said she won't leave him so disappointed?

Naruto peeked through his hands, and looked down to her body. When he first met her, he assumed she had a body close to Sakura-chan's. But now he could(oh so, clearly!)see just how much buxom was hiding beneath her clothes.

"show me..." Yugito murmured, with a smile.

_Holy shit! I'm sorry Mabui-chan, I don't think I can say no this time..._ Naruto thought in a panic.

"...your super powers" Yugito finished.

"...huh?" Naruto said.

Suddenly Naruto noticed all the tension he'd been feeling, just disappear. And Yugito was no longer skin to skin with him. She now had a aura of politeness about her.

"Raikage-sama frowns on using our powers in the village, but we're nice, and alone here" Yugito stated.

"our powers?" Naruto asked.

"yeah" Yugito raised her left hand, and her fingernails extended by a foot-long.

whoa!" Naruto awed. "that's a neat trick"

"and that's not all" Yugito then blew a kiss, then out came a tiny blue fireball. It evaporated after a few feet. "Mouse Hairball!"

Naruto 'oohed, and awed at her little fireworks display. He clapped in appreciation, and Yugito bowed, sloshing around water as she did so. She rose with an expecting look, and smirk.

"your turn" Yugito stated.

"eh...I can't do anything like that" Naruto stated.

"really!" Yugito raised an eyebrow. "well, you are a fox. Kind of a boring animal!"

"what do foxes have to do with anything?" Naruto asked, confused.

"you hold the nine-tailed fox. I was wondering if you could do anything special, like me, and B-san" Yugito explained. "B-san can spit ink, and me, well..." she ran on her long nails through the water.

"spitting ink?" Naruto asked. "is the eight-tails, an octopus?"

"an Ushi-Oni to be exact" Yugito corrected. "half ox, half octopus..."

"and the two-tails?..." Naruto asked.

"a cat" Yugito answered.

"...a cat" Naruto repeated, with a bit of disappointment.

"A Cat!" Yugito repeated.

"a cat, and fox! We're not so special, compared to an Ox-topus" Naruto punned.

"you're right. We're really not" Yugito agreed.

"eheheh" Naruto chuckled.

Yugito lightly chuckled along with him. Naruto went back to relaxing in the water. It was nice, having a conversation with someone who understood having a demon like him. His thoughts turned to Gaara...and let his memories take him back to their first meeting after their fight...

* * *

**Flashback arc**

"hahahahaha!"

Naruto laughed as ran around in his swim shorts. Traveling with pervy sage, was so much fun! He, and his master took their training trip to the Land of Wind. At first he thought wandering about in a dry desert would be so boring!

But Jiraiya insisted on visiting some amazingly fun places. Being a stuck in a desert. The Wind county people came up with some nifty ways of cooling themselves off.

Many places in wind country, have tourist attractions called Ame-Uzu; the rain swirls. Big fans that sprayed out cool water in a large mist. Naruto moaned as water droplets splashed against his skin.

Naruto turned to his master; in swim shorts, and sunglasses. He was chuckling, and very obvious ogling the hordes of bikini clad babes cooling off, and having fun in the sun.

This was Jiraiya's real reason for coming to the Land of Wind. The Ame-Uzu reeled in bikini clad babes like a...bikini clad babe magnet. It presented him with plenty of research, as he said.

Jiraiya was being a perv, but he had to admit...there were some cute chicks here. There were a few girls around his age playing in the water. All wearing pretty swimsuits.

He turned fourteen this month. And he was so much taller, now!(six inches taller! Yay!) All these girls, made them think of Sakura-chan, and how much she's grown. Hopefully, she didn't change at all. She looked perfect the, way she was!

His thoughts were interrupted by some strange girl suddenly capturing his lips with her own. Naruto howled in surprise, and jumped back. He got a good look at the person intruding his personal space.

A girl his age, in a tan swimsuit. He was so deep in thought, he didn't notice her. She had some strange hair; half green, half orange. She was confidently grinning at him, while he flustered.

"stole your first kiss, didn't I cutie!" the girl smiled.

"WHAT! NO-YES-WAIT!" Naruto shouted, embarrassed, and confused.

She totally just stole the kiss he was saving for Sakura-chan someday! His first kiss was supposed to be with his pink-haired crush...wait?...didn't someone else steal his first ki-banish the evil thoughts!

"no! This was your second kiss, then? Third? Sixth?" the girl asked, amused, with her hands on her hips.

"No! And how did you jump ahead three more numbers! An-and thi-this kiss doesn't count! And neither does that kiss with that bastard!" Naruto ranted.

Naruto struggled to catch his breath. His face was red, from blushing, and running out of air. The girl just stood silently with an annoying, delighted smile.

"that bastard?...you kissed a boy!" the girl squealed, after a realization.

"STOP TALKING!" Naruto shouted in embarrassment.

"we have so much in common! You kiss boys, I kiss boys!" the girl grinned widely.

"I DON'T KISS BOYS!...AND I TOLD YOU, HE DOESN'T COUNT" Naruto loudly argued. Unknowingly contradicting himself. "...WHO ARE YOU?" he finally asked.

"I'm Juri..." Juri introduced herself, quickly, and briefly.

"...okay...Juri...why did you kiss me?" Naruto asked, calming down.

"hm because you're cute!" Juri responded in sing-song voice.

"..." Naruto stayed, quiet.

He didn't know how to respond to Juri advances. Only old ladies in inns; who like to pinch cheeks, have ever called him cute. While a forward girl like her was his ideal babe. Sakura-chan was the only girl he wanted crushing on him. Time to let this new girl down, gently.

"I'm really sorry, but I-"

"ooh look at this!" Juri interrupted him.

She held up one finger, and on it, appeared a small orb of light. It steamed from the droplets hitting it. It looked like a small sun, balancing on her finger like a toy ball.

"I'm from a famous clan in Sunagakure! We can use Scorch Style! I'm awesome!" Juri bragged.

"whoa!" Naruto awed. He held out one finger intending to poke it.

"I wouldn't do that!" Juri warned. "...not unless you want to end up a mummy"

"whoa" Naruto quickly retracted his finger. "...that's cool, and all, but as I was saying I-"

"...and that's why you should marry me!" Juri interrupted again.

"I...WHAT?" Naruto asked, not believing his ears.

"I'm from a famous clan, with powerful jutsu...propose to me!" Juri commanded with a smile.

"ME propose to YOU?" Naruto grimaced.

"I accept!" Juri quickly spoke. "we'll get married tonight under the light of the moon, then we'll honeymoon in-ack!" her happy expression shifted to terror.

"...what's wrong?" Naruto asked, noticing her panic.

"geelookatthetimeIgottagobye!" Juri spoke fast, and ran away even faster.

Naruto sighed, and just dismissed her as weird girl...then felt someone standing behind him. A chill ran up his spine, yet he did not know why? He sensed something...a presense he's not felt since...

"Naruto..." Gaara's dull voice called out.

"...Gaara of the desert..." Naruto mumbled repressing a shudder.

Naruto slowly turned around. He came face to face with Gaara, and tried his best not to pee his pants. The psychopath who nearly killed him, almost a year ago; was standing less than a foot away from him.

Oh god! Did he want revenge? Did he come to finish what he started? Well, if he was, he'd show this eyebrowless freak the results of his training!...even though there's a very good chance he wasn't going to win this time. He only had swimtrucks on, and no ninja tools...this rematch is gonna suck, so hard!

While he waited for the body crushing death blow to come. He noticed Gaara wasn't really anymore armed than him. He didn't even have that huge gourd on his back. In fact he was wearing swimtrunks, as well. And despite several seconds of awkward silence passing, Gaara wasn't instantly crushing him to death!

"...um..." Naruto hummed, tense.

"...hello...Naruto..." Gaara greeted, in monotone.

"...hello...Gaara..." Naruto awkwardly responded.

"..." Gaara just stared.

"...watcha doing?..." Naruto asked. Praying that the answer was not 'thinking of the worst way to murder you'.

"..."

"..." Naruto's eye widened, and sucked in his lips. Was Gaara trying to kill him, with the suspense of waiting to be killed?

"...I'm sorry..." Gaara finally spoke.

"AAAHH!...wha?" Naruto grunted, totally befuddled

"during the invasion of Konoha, my actions against you were personal, and had nothing to do with the mission...I wanted watch you die, because I thought it would make me feel good" Gaara said.

"and...you don't now..." Naruto asked, hopeful Gaara wasn't going say a pre-mortem one-liner, and kill him.

"no..." Gaara replied.

"wheew!" Naruto let out the breath he was holding.

"actually I..." Gaara continued.

"aahh!" Naruto tensed up again. Damn it, that was the ultimate pre-kill one-liner setup.

"...would like to be your friend" Gaara finished.

"wwwoooaaahh!...?" Naruto flinched, for a moment; then noticed Gaara did not say something coldbloodedly witty. "...you want to be my friend" he needed more confirmation.

"yes...but I can understand if, you refuse" Gaara stated in monotone.

"REFUSE! NO WAY! YES, I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND!" Naruto shouted, smiling, and excited.

Naruto took Gaara by the hand, and shook it furiously. Gaara reacted with dull surprise. He expected a stern refusal. He only hoped to get as far as an apology.

"I thought you would hate me, for sure!" Naruto admitted.

"...I thought you would hate me, as well" Gaara replied.

"no way! A friend in need, is a friend indeed!" Naruto said.

"hn?" Gaara grunted, not understanding.

"I need a friend, you need a friend; let's be friends!" Naruto explained, talking fast.

Gaara calmly examined Naruto; who was still shaking his hand. Maybe his very first handshake. No one has ever been so reckless about touching him. Everyone was too scared of being repelled by his sand shield.

"what are you doing here, anyway" Naruto asked, smiling.

"I'm having...fun...with my...family" Gaara spoke slowly, like he was struggling with a foreign langauge.

Gaara pointed his finger ahead of Naruto. Naruto's looked ahead, following his direction. His eyes landed on...What was her name; fan girl?...Gaara's sister.

"I'm here with Temari, and Kankuro..." Gaara mentioned, pointing at his other sibling.

"oohhh" Naruto grunted.

That's Gaara brother? Naruto actually saw him, before now. He wasn't wearing that ugly face paint, or that stupid hat. He looked totally unrecognizable without it...still kinda ugly though!

His eyes then landed on a far more...pleasing vision. Fan girl...Temari was keeping to herself. Lounging on a lawn chair, and wearing sunglasses...and rocking a hot body in a black one piece bathing suit!

"you're on vacation?" Naruto asked, holding in a nosebleed.

"family bonding..." Gaara grunted. "you're on vacation, too?"

"hahaha well I'm..." Naruto looked over to his master; ogling women like a horndog. "...on a...training...trip" Naruto slowly answered. Realizing, how hollow it sounded.

"I'd heard that you left with one of the sannin, from Lee" Gaara stated. "I wanted to talk to you then, but you were long gone"

"Lee? You, and Bushy Brow...hit it off" Naruto asked, surprised. "and not in the 'kill each other' sort of way"

"after I helped him defeat that sound ninja, I got to chat with him back in Konoha" Gaara explained.

"you helped against those sound freaks" Naruto asked.

"me, and my family, had business in Konoha when you started your retrieval mission. She asked us to provide back up, after you left"

"haha so cool! So you took care of the bone guy" Naruto laughed. "totally trashed him, didn't you?"

"well..." Gaara started.

"that guy was _boned_ the second he fought you eh!" Naruto laughed.

"actually..."

"I'm glad you took care of him, that guy was a real _boner_!" Naruto laughed.

"...he died on his own, really" Gaara finally spoke.

"what?"

"I didn't defeat him, he died in combat of some disease" Gaara admitted. "He would have killed me, and Lee otherwise"

"No way! You, and Bushy Brow together, couldn't take care of that freak" Naruto said, shocked.

"he turned into some kind of...brown dinosaur" Gaara mentioned, halfk remembering the fight.

"huh...oh!...yeah, Sasuke did that on me, too" Naruto said, remembering his last fight against his friend. "not a dinosaur though...something with lipstick, and..creepy...handwings"

"...I suppose, he ordered wings with his sauce..." Gaara...joked? In his usual monotone.

"..." Naruto looking at Gaara; wide-eyed.

"..." Gaara staring back at Naruto; not knowing what to expect.

"wha...haha...ehahahahahahahaha..." Naruto finally laughed.

"eheh" Gaara lightly chuckled.

Naruto continued laughing like a mad man, while Gaara simply smiled. He never thought he'd have a...what kind of conversation was this? It felt good! Someone was just enjoying his company. He's never felt this good about something so...what's the word?

He wasn't outright hateful to his brother, and sister now. And they definitely seemed to appreciate it, but even though they were doing a...family thing together they still weren't...doing, whatever it is Naruto, and himself were doing.

He needs to invest in a dictionary. He didn't have the proper vocabulary for the...there he goes again. Not knowing the right word. Joy things? Fun-ment? Good feeling, is all he's got, right now.

"I don't think, we really got an introduction, did we?" Naruto mentioned, breaking him from his thoughts.

"I know who you are...and you know who I am" Gaara said.

"yeah, but we didn't actually...you know" Naruto mumbled.

"I introduced myself to your team before the chunin exams" Gaara mentioned, recalling memories.

"you introduced yourself...to Sauce-kay" Naruto grumbled.

"...oh right...I didn't care about you at all, then" Gaara said.

"..." Naruto frowned, and stared at the sand nin.

"...Gaara of the Desert..." Gaara said, after being glared at.

"Naruto Uzumaki! Nice to meet ya!" Naruto said, with a returning smile. "...by the way. Why is it 'of the Desert'? Is that really your last name?"

"we, of the land of wind, don't have last names, as you would call them" Gaara answered. "we use titles to identify ourselves"

"titles? How does that work?" Naruto asked.

"hn...for example, a small child in Suna would be called his first name, and his title would be 'of...one of his parents" Gaara explained. "If that kid becomes known for something, then he can call himself 'of...something else'"

"I don't really get that" Naruto said, frizzing out his mind trying to figure it out.

"you were talking to a green-haired girl just now" Gaara mentioned.

"...yep" Naruto blushed a bit. "Juri..."

"well, instead something like Uchiha, or Hyuga. Every member of her clan goes by 'of the Scorch Style'" Gaara explained, once more. "it's much like how Sasuke could call himself 'of the Uchiha clan', it's recognizable"

"oohhh! I get it...so you and your family are all 'of the Desert', huh" Naruto asked.

"no. Just me" Gaara stated in a dull tone.

"but aren't they your family?" Naruto asked.

"yes, but 'of the Desert' is my title, not theirs" Gaara said.

"then...they are...what...of the..." Naruto asked. Not willing to finish his sentence 'of the hot bikini bod' and 'of the ugly face paint'.

"as the direct descendants of a Kazekage they are 'of the Sand'. All Kazekage, and his family take the title 'of the Sand' to donate their status as village's head family"

"but...doesn't that include you?" Naruto asked.

"yes, it's my title too, but people took to calling me Gaara of the Sand Waterfall" Gaara stated. "I called myself Gaara of the Desert to distance, myself from my family...it caught on"

"oh, so in Suna I would be Naruto of the Leaf, or something, right" Naruto asked.

"...unless you're descended from a Hokage, then no" Gaara answered. "if not, then Naruto...of your parents"

"oh!...I don't have parents..." Naruto sadly stated. "so...I'm Naruto of...nothing" he frowned.

"hn..." Gaara grunted.

"..."

"..."

"...my father was 'of the Gold Dust', before he became Kazekage" Gaara mentioned.

He didn't like mentioning his father, but he felt he had to say something to break the silence. Naruto looked sad, but he didn't know how to console someone.

"..." Naruto features softened a bit.

"...and there once was a ninja by the name of Disuku..." Gaara mentioned.

"...what was his title?..." Naruto asked.

"Disuku of the Funk" Gaara said.

"of the Funk!" Naruto repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"he's was famous for his poisonous stink bombs" Gaara said, with an almost smile.

"..." Naruto gained a coy smile.

"..." Gaara just looked at him, calmly.

"ehehehehe" Naruto laughed. "you're alright, Gaara of the jokes"

"you, too...Naruto of the Light..." Gaara replied.

"of the Light?" Naruto asked.

"you opened my eyes to it...before you, I thought this world, and everyone in it. Deserved to be crushed beneath the darkness of my sand" Gaara stated. "but now...I want to use my sand...to lift the people of my village higher, into the light..."

Naruto just smiled. He really wasn't the same person he fought during the chunin exams. Gaara looked toward the sun, with a faraway gaze. For Gaara talking to people usually left him with an empty feeling.

But learning from his conversation with Naruto he could...didn't know the word. If this is how good other people felt when they talked with friends. Then he'll start protecting other people's bonds, instead of severing them.

"hey! Juri!" Naruto called out. "HEY JURI!"

The green, and orange haired girl paused her laughing with two other girls; her friends. She smiled when she saw the cute boy from earlier calling her over...then scowled in terror, when she saw him standing next to Gaara of the Desert.

"HEY JURI, COME HERE, JURI-CHAN!" Naruto continued.

"..." Juri made a sour face, and stared wide-eyed.

"Juri is that guy is calling for you" one of friends whispered. "he's cute, go over there"

"wait!" another friend, whispered. "look, who he's standing next to"

"what?...holy!..." she gasped, noticing Gaara. "that's Gaara of the Desert!" she hissed, turning pale.

"holy shit, how is he standing next to that monster?..." her friend asked, baffled.

"I don't know, I talked to him a while ago, but then Gaara appeared behind him" Juri whispered. "I nearly peed myself"

"he's calling you over...oh god! Gaara's looking right at you!..." one of her friends hissed, frightened.

"ohmygodIneedtorun!..."Juri hissed in a panic.

"butifyourunhemightkillyou!" one of her friends, replied; fearful.

"whatdoIdo?whatdoIdo?whatdoIdo?whatdoIdo?" Juri asked, stricken with terror.

"you...have...to...go...over...ttthheerrreee!" her friend whispered.

"nnnnnnnnoooooooo...he'll kill mmmmmeeeee" Juri hissed, nearly crying.

"butwhathappensifyoudon'tdowhathesays?" one of her friends asked.

Gulping down deeply, Juri looked over to Naruto; who was still smiling, and waving. Accepting her life as forfeit she slowly walked over to them, on shaky legs. She looked back towards her friends, who looked to be praying for her soul.

"Juri" Naruto smiled. "hey, hey...have you met Gaara yet?"

"...no..." Juri replied, in the tiniest voice possible.

"Juri of the Scorch Style, right. Meet Gaara of the Desert!" Naruto said, smiling.

"..." Juri kept her face sucked in; barely preventing herself from crying.

Dear God! Did she finally propose to the wrong boy? Was he really a cute psychopath! Was he going to sacrifice her, to saté Gaara's bloodthirst? Would Gaara cook her flesh in his sand, and the cutie eat her dead body?

"..." Gaara just calmly stared at her.

Naruto looked in between them, and even he could tell how 'out-of-her-mind' terrified of him, she was. Gaara wasn't exactly breaking the ice, and Juri was about to shatter like ice. He needed to break the silence...

"Juri!" Naruto called.

"hm?" Juri grunted, trying not to say, or do anything to upset Gaara.

Naruto placed an arm over Gaara's shoulders, and stood to the right of him. Juri nearly jumped out of her skin. Gaara merely stood calmly, with his arms crossed. He looked at Naruto for a moment, then turned back to Juri...

...and then, Naruto planted a kiss on Gaara's cheek...

"gah!" Juri gasped.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"how did you do that?" Juri finally, asked. "I thought his sand automatically killed everyone, who touched him"

"nope!" Naruto grinned. "you can do it, too, you know"

"no way..." Juri gasped. "I can't-that's-he's..." she stuttered.

"don't worry, Gaara, here, won't hurt you" Naruto smiled. "I'm cute, right! Isn't Gaara at least as cute as me!"

"well...it's just...can I really touch him without dying?" Juri asked, nervous.

"of course" Naruto asked. Motioning her, for the go ahead.

Juri extended a hesitant hand. Was she really going to touch the boy who is rumored to kill anyone who touches him? She placed a delicate hand on Gaara's shoulder, and closed her eyes. She may have just done the bravest, stupidest thing in her short life.

Gaara calmly stared at her. And waited for her to start running away from him. People like her, just full on sprinted in the other direction whenever they saw him. Naruto; forcing the girl to do this, was just torture!

"oh my god! I'm alive, I'm alive!" Juri exclaimed. Happy she still clung to life.

"see! You don't have to be afraid of Gaara" Naruto grinned.

"I-gee...maybe...your right" Juri said, not believing the words, coming out her own mouth. "...oh god! Okay...I'm going for it!" she grunted.

"what are you?..." Naruto asked. Confused by her actions.

Just then Juri kissed Gaara on the other side of his cheek. Gaara looked at her, but otherwise did not react. She did however, inwardly; give him, a lot to ponder over.

No one had ever kissed him before...excluding Naruto just now, and now this other girl, at Naruto's behest. Is this what they call positive reinforcement?

"no way! I did it! I kissed Gaara of the Desert, and didn't die!" Juri exclaimed. "so...you're...not scary" she asked Gaara directly.

"...I can't really say...that's for you to decide" Gaara replied, in monotone.

"ehehehe" Juri lightly chuckled, with twinge of nervousness. "I...suppose so"

"he's not scary, he's friendly!" Naruto spoke up.

"right...so..." Juri hummed, looking a new topic. "...you do kiss boys, huh!" her eyes landed on Naruto.

"what!" Naruto said. "no! I-he-Gaara is an exception! An exception!" he defended himself.

"an exception to what? Girls" Juri asked.

"YES!...NO!...STOP TALKING!" Naruto shouted, flustered.

"eheheheheheh" Juri laughed, gaining confidence.

"..." Gaara looked on silently with amusement.

"hmmm..." Juri hummed. "...wait right here. I'm going to go get my friends"

Juri walked back over to her (surprised that she's still alive) friends. Naruto, and Gaara just silently watched her, try to convince some other girls to come closer. Naruto then looked to Gaara, and then Gaara to him.

"see that! Already making friends" Naruto stretched. "making friends, and protecting 'em. That's my way of living"

They looked over to see the girls honestly, making their way over to them. Both coming at the same frightened pace, Juri did a moment ago. But they were coming regardless. Gaara looked at Naruto, who smiled, and waved. How did he draw people, like that?

"you're something else, Naruto" Gaara mumbled, and closed his eyes. He felt at peace.

"eheheh so, any other famous Suna ninja with cool titles?" Naruto asked, curious. He kept waving as the girls took their sweet time walking over.

"...just one I can think of. He's probably the most famous one" Gaara answered.

"oohh! Who is he, a Kazekage?" Naruto asked.

"no...he disappeared from our village, a long time ago..." Gaara replied.

"really!...so who is he?" Naruto asked.

"his name was...Sasori of the Red Sand..."

**End**

* * *

Naruto's eyes opened. He shook his head around. Did he doze off? This hot spring was very comfy. He turned, and his eyes landed on Yugito. She was quietly relaxing herself. He felt, now was a good time to take in all her features...in a none pervy way!

Yugito had some really long hair. Naruto didn't notice, before because of how tightly she wrapped it. But right now, her hair was draping her, like she was wearing a curtain.

And...okay, getting it out the way; she had a rockin' body. She was naked! how he could he not be pervy about it! Her body aside, Yugito seemed like a pretty cool-headed, chick.

She was probably the type of girl, who was serious all the time. She was nice now, but on missions Yugito was probably the most intense no-nonsense chick in the world!

"Naruto!" Yugito called out. "you were staring at me, just now!"

"aah!" Naruto turned his head. She noticed him ogling her!

"just now..." Yugito tread through the water, and moved closer. "...I know that look...just now, you were thinking..."

"uh oh" Naruto gulped. This was the part where Sakura-chan usually beat him...well, way past that part, but NOW...

"...you were thinking that I'm some sort of serious, intense, no-nonsense women, right" Yugito finished.

"um..." Naruto hummed, looking around. Is mind-reading one of her powers?

"well..." Yugito moved right up, next to him. "...then how about this..." she glared.

"..." Naruto flinched, a little.

"...can a cat...play patty-cake?" Yugito asked, bold with suspense.

"..." Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"PAWS_-_ibly!" Yugito finished her...joke?

"..." Naruto, baffled.

"because, I'm a cat!" Yugito added, with a cat-like pose.

"..."

"how do cats end a fight?" Yugito asked, again.

"..."

"they _hiss..._and make up..." Yugito continued.

"..."

"because I'm a cat!" Yugito repeated, taking another cat-like pose.

"...eheh...eheheheh...ehehahahahahaha...uh" Naruto nervously, laughed.

He laughed not because the jokes were funny, but because...what the hell is going on? He felt like he was laughing at his own embarrassment. He also felt that if he didn't at least chuckle, Yugito would beat the crap out of him! She looks really intense, in those cat poses.

"haha...I always get a laugh with these..." Yugito complimented herself.

"how does a cat sing scales?" Yugito asked.

_Oh please god! No more!_...Naruto thought to himself.

"Do-Ri-Me-Ow!" Yugito (mercilessly) continued. "...because I'm a cat" she posed, again.

"how is cat food sold?...usually purr-" Naruto covered Yugito's mouth.

"haha hahaha hahahaha...hhhhhhhhaaaaa!" Naruto pretend laughed. "so funny!...I can't **take!** Anymore!"

"mmmm" Yugito said, muffled.

"if you keep going...I'll just...DIE!" Naruto said, giving a humorless smile as wide, as his face allowed.

Yugito chuckled, and Naruto let go of her mouth. Yugito mentally patted herself on back. That was how everyone responded to her jokes.

Everyone she tried out her jokes on. Said that she was so funny, that if she didn't stop, forever; she would kill everyone in the village. (with laughter!)

Even the Raikage-sama said that she was so dangerously funny that if she didn't hold off on them, he would make it a forbidden jutsu. And she still had lots of zippy cat related pre-mortem one-liners!

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. He sat in front of Yugito. While she seemed to be looking him over.

"you really do look just like them, you know" Yugito said, changing the subject.

"what! Look just like who?" Naruto asked, confused.

"the Two Lights...Kinkaku, and Ginkaku" Yugito replied.

"..." Naruto simply stared, not understanding.

"the Gold, and Silver Brothers!" Yugito said.

"who are the Gold, and Silver Brothers?" Naruto asked.

"how do you, not know. They almost killed the second Hokage..." Yugito said. "...and you look like their long-lost brother...though maybe that's a good reason not to mention it, in polite conversation"

"I didn't really pay attention in history class..." Naruto mentioned.

"the Gold, and Silver Brothers. The Two Lights. Kumo's most infamous criminals..." Yugito explained. "...and the closest thing Kumo had to the nine-tails until you, became our comrade"

"closest thing? What does that mean?" Naruto asked.

"Kumo has made many attempts to capture the Kyubi" Yugito explained. "during their time, the Gold, and Silver brothers were swallowed up by the nine-tails during the battle"

"for two whole weeks they raged inside the nine-tails, eating it's stomach lining to survive!" Yugito continued, with a bit of flair.

"yuck!" Naruto blanched.

"then one day...the nine-tails spit them back out. And when they emerged, they were covered in the red chakra shroud"

"whoa!" Naruto had an Idea of what she was talking about. "the bubbling red chakra that covers you huh"

"no! Much further! The brothers were in our version 2 state" Yugito corrected him.

"oh no!..." Naruto gasped. "...what's version 2?" he then asked.

"what's...you know, the state beyond the clear chakra shroud, when the shroud blackens, and binds to our skin" Yugito explained.

"sounds nasty!" Naruto said.

"you...can't do it?" Yugito asked, shocked.

"nope" Naruto plainly replied.

"what has Konoha even been teaching you?" Yugito asked.

"you know, tree climbing, water walking..." Naruto listed, absent-mindedly.

"no! I mean about your Tailed Beast!" Yugito clarified. "...did they not teach you to control your demon"

"nope" Naruto plainly said. he failed to notice Yugito's jaw dropping.

"jeez! Konoha is pretty lax! They put a demon in you, and then tell you, you can do whatever you want with it" Yugito shook her. Leaf ninja didn't have common sense.

"actually I found out by accident" Naruto said. Yugito's jaw dropped lower. "me even knowing, wasn't on purpose"

"so you have no control over your demon?" Yugito snorted.

"...he pays his rent, if that's what you're asking?" Naruto said.

"rent?..." Yugito repeated, and scoffed.

Just then a long tail of blue flames appeared from Yugito's behind. Naruto awed at the sight. Yugito moved it about, while Naruto watched mesmorized.

"can you summon a tail?" Yugito asked. "you have nine of them, so at least one"

"how are you doing that?" Naruto answered her question with a question.

"lord help me, you're hopeless" Yugito said with a twinge of pity. "you can at least summon the chakra, right?" she asked hopeful for something.

"well yeah, that's easy!" Naruto stated.

"alright then, I'm going to teach you how to make a tail!" Yugito stated. "It's actually incredibly easy! Just call upon the chakra, and imagine a tail"

"that easy!" Naruto asked.

"that easy!" Yugito confirmed.

Naruto made hand seals, and concentrated on summoning the fox's chakra. There it is...now a tail...whoa!...It feels like he just grew an extra arm...from his ass!

Naruto looked behind him, and almost squealed in delight. A fluffy orange tail was swaying, and sloshing up water, behind him. Oh, he could wiggle it! Left, right, left, right, up, down, up, down...swish, swish...so cool!

"so easy" Yugito smiled.

"heheheh" Naruto laughed.

Yugito reached over, and began caressing Naruto's tail. Yugito rubbing his...ooh! He had fur! Her stroking, felt so good! He looked to her tail, and considered petting it...except it was on fire, so that was a stupid idea!

"so this is what the nine-tailed fox's fur feels like" Yugito said. "it's rough. Just like I imagined"

"uh huh" Naruto mumbled, not paying attention.

"hm?" Yugito noticed Naruto staring at her tail, with a curious face. "you can touch it, you know"

"but...isn't it on fire" Naruto said, cautious.

"yes, but it won't burn, if I don't want it to" Yugito explained, still petting his tail.

Naruto ran his hand down the base of Yugito's tails. It felt all tingling, and crackling. Is this what fire would feel like, without the burning? It's a strange new feeling, alright!

"hey! Let's shake tails!" Naruto asked.

"shake tails?" Yugito asked, amused, but not understanding.

"like a handshake...but with tails" Naruto stood up, and turned around, wiggling his tail in her face.

"oh!" Yugito stood as well.

She turned around, and they both tried their best to...tailshake. The fox tail, and the cat tail wriggled around each other, trying to wrap around the other. Naruto couldn't hold in his giggling. It Kinda tickled.

"ah! wait, I got it!" Yugito stated, managing to get a hold of Naruto's tail.

"Nice to meet you, Yugito Nii" Naruto said, moving his tail up, and down.

"a pleasure, Naruto Uzumaki" Yugito replied, following his tail motions.

"hehehehe" Naruto giggled as it tickled him.

"hmhmhehe" Yugito chuckled a bit, feeling the tickling.

"so you, and B trained together on how to use your demons, huh?" Naruto asked.

"...no...B, and I had a different sort of training..." Yugito took on a somber tone.

"oh! I'm sorry didn't mean...I..." Naruto apologized, noticing her change.

"it's alright. I was forced to learn how to control my demon, before B-san. And it was much worse than his" Yugito explained. "A detestable training program; if I failed the Nibi would escape, and I would die"

"but why you, first? Isn't B older than you...unless you're..." Naruto began, implying.

"HE IS older than me!" Yugito shot him down, before he could finish. "but the Two is much weaker than the Eight, and was only sealed in B-san three years before me"

"the third Raikage-sama could fight the eight-tails to a stand still. The two-tails would be nothing to him, if it got free...so the logical choice..." Yugito continued, and pointed to herself.

"the third Raikage! By himself?" Naruto asked, not believing his ears.

"yes" Yugito replied.

"that's badass" Naruto exclaimed.

"yep! He was the strongest of five Kage, when he was alive" Yugito stated.

"...but I thought the third Hokage was strongest, when he was alive" Naruto argued.

"I'm sure you heard that, being a leaf ninja. Any Iwa ninja will also, say that the third Tsuchikage was, and still is, the strongest" Yugito said. "...but really it was the third Raikage, and that's that" she crossed her arms, and glared.

"okay, okay" Naruto held up his hands, in surrender. "he was badass. The end...can you finish your story now?"

"alright...B-san, discovered that the waterfalls of truth on turtle island; could be used to train with tailed beast. He had control of the Eight, in a flash" Yugito continued.

"waterfalls of truth?" Naruto asked.

"monks would use it, to purge themselves of evil. It's a relic from an unknown era. Some believe, it's from the Sage of the Six Paths time" Yugito answered.

"the who?" Naruto asked.

"just some religious figure" Yugito waved him off. "...enough serious talk! Let's talk about something more juicy!" Yugito smiled.

They both sat down, facing each other. Yugito's tail vanished, while Naruto just let his stay. He didn't know to make it go away, and he kinda liked it!

"juicy?" Naruto said, not getting her.

"you, and Mabui-san" Yugito clarified. "how's it going between you two?"

"we're still getting married, if that's what you're asking" Naruto replied.

"I mean, have you two hit it off, yet" Yugito asked.

"I uh haven't really seen her very often" Naruto scratched his head. "I've been training with old man Raikage. I only saw her the day I got here, and a few minutes, before you came to me"

"that Mabui-san sure is a busy body! And I knew about Raikage-sama training you" Yugito said. "you don't look like, that twig I met on the rooftops, anymore"

Yugito chuckled, while Naruto looked down to his chest. A smile graced his face. She mentioned them...time to show 'em off!

"ehehehe" Naruto began popping the pecs!

"ohohoho" Yugito laughed...then started pec popping, herself.

"gah!" Naruto stopped, and stared at her, undulating chest. "how are you doing that?" he shrieked.

"same way, you are" Yugito answered still popping. "it's sort of a right of passage among Kumo shinobi"

"I didn't know women could..." Naruto blushed, and covered his face, to hold in a nosebleed. He forced himself not to stare at Yugito's huge bouncing breasts.

"been drinking your muscle shakes, have you" Yugito (thankfully) stopped popping, and asked.

"yes! Those yucky protein shakes!" Naruto blanched.

"yucky! I love 'em" Yugito stated, with a smile. "what flavors were you drinking?"

"I don't know...grape, and something" Naruto mumbled.

Yugito treaded through the water, and stepped out on to land. She walked over to her clothes, and pulled out two drink cans. Naruto looked away from her, as she meandered over, butt-naked. Yugito got back into the water, and strode up to him.

"try these! My favorites" Yugito asked, presenting them to him.

"..." Naruto grumbled, but took a can, so as not to be rude.

Yeah, they were the same brand of beverage old man Raikage had him drinking, during their training. The two flavors Yugito gave him, were Cherry-lemonade Horizontal chop! And Sour-Apple Power-Bomb!

"sour" Naruto grimaced, reading both cans.

"mmhmm" Yugito hummed, gulping down the sour apple. "feeling pumped!" she flexed a bicep.

"...I was hoping not to have to drink these anymore, today" Naruto grumbled.

"come on! Be the Lightning!" Yugito insisted, quoting an advertisement.

"oh boy" Naruto grumbled. "uh...Mabui, and me, are having dinner later..." he mentioned, trying to get her to forget the drink.

"I know, I'm going to be there" Yugito replied. "...Mabui-san set it up, as an apology for the delay with the wedding"

"she didn't have to do that" Naruto smiled, and blushed.

"she's also going to invite your closest friends, and their families. To a free lunch there" Yugito said.

"really?" Naruto said.

How did she know who his friends are? She wasn't getting it from talking to him, so where...Jiraiya! Of course! pervy sage was apparently giving away info about him, to anyone wearing makeup. And she did stay behind with Jiraiya, while he went to her home.

"that restaurant's gonna run out of food when Choji, and his family gets there" Naruto stated. "...I'm gonna get to see my friends, again" he realized.

"yeah!" Yugito chirped. "ready to go back now"

"sure! And Yugito...thanks" Naruto said with a smile.

Yugito got out the hot spring first, and went to dry off, and put on her clothes. Naruto stayed in the water, with his eyes closed while she did so, in full view of him.

"you coming?" Yugito asked, completely dressed.

"yeah..." Naruto looked down, and blushed. "I'll...catch up with you"

"alright! Don't get lost!" Yugito said, with a wave behind her.

Yugito proceeded to walk on ahead. The steam from the hot springs forming a thick mist as she got further away from the hot spring where Naruto was. She decided to stop before she got too far ahead.

She was alerted to the sound of footsteps approaching her from the front. She glared ahead, and tensed up. Waiting for the newcomer to appear from the mist. She picked this spot specifically because of how remote it was. No one should be coming here!

Her eyes widened when the visage of Naruto step into her field of view. She looked out behind her in confusion. How did Naruto get ahead of her? Wait! No this Naruto's scent was different.

"...are you one of those actors I've been hearing about?" Yugito asked.

She did hear about the movie being made of the wedding. But what was he doing way out here? Surely he could wait until Naruto was somewhere more available.

"kuh!" (not)Naruto scratched his head, and gave her an irritated look.

"if you're here to rehearse with Naruto he's-" Yugito started but was cut off.

"shut up!" (not)Naruto snapped at her. "enough of this bullshit!"

(not)Naruto then revealed a large triple bladed red scythe. (not)Naruto attached the weapon to his hip with a long cable. He then looked to Yugito; who took a battle stance. A deranged smile twisted Naruto's visage into that of a psychopath.

* * *

Naruto finally managed to calm down, with Yugito no longer butt-naked around him. He put on his clothes, and ran on ahead. Hoping to catch up with Yugito, before he lost track of her. These hot springs produced a whole lot of mist.

Before he got too far, the flash of Akatsuki's red clouds, alerted him. He stopped, and saw a person in a mask, standing in his way. He got into a stance, and prepared to fight...but remembered the embarrassment of last time, and calmed down.

"another actor huh?" Naruto said, sighing. It was getting annoying.

"...yes..." the masked man answered in a chipper voice.

"which Akatsuki are you supposed to be?" Naruto asked raising an eyebrow.

Naruto only met a just few Akatsuki. He certainly didn't remember seeing one in an orange mask among the four he fought. Oh! That's right right! He forgot to add that blonde-haired bastard to the ass-kicking list!

"...I'm no one" the masked man chirped, saluting. "just an extra! To fill in space...you can call me Tobi!"

"right! Right!" Naruto nodded. "I suppose you want to rehearse, or something right?"

"well...if it's alright with you..." Tobi tilted his head to left, in a playful way. "there's a line, I've been dying to try out!"

"well...alright. Go ahead!" Naruto crossed his arms, and waited for this chore to be over with.

"ahem!" Tobi proceeded to make a spectacle of himself clearing his throat. "erhm, kmhm...La! La! La! La!..." he sang. Limbering his throat.

"..." Naruto sent an annoyed glare his way. What kind of Akatsuki is he supposed to be?

"_**my name is Madara Uchiha!**_" Tobi's voice dropped, a hundred octaves.

"gah!" Naruto grunted. That was an impressive switch!

"_**I want to tell you about my goal...**_" Tobi continued in his deep voice. "_**...the Moon's Eye Plan...**_"

"..." Naruto flinched slightly. This Tobi guy may be the most impressive actor of all.

"_**now that the Raikage, and Hokage have left the village to attend to the Mizukage. This operation can go off without a hitch...**_" Tobi stated.

"_**Naruto...It is my goal to have everything, become one with me!**_" Tobi revealed a sharingan eye. "_**I aim to achieve a complete form. In which all are united!**_"

"what?..." Naruto asked. This was pretty confusing act to follow!

"_**Gaara was merely the first piece...**_" Tobi continued. "_**...one piece of a puzzle to a great monster...a being of ultimate chakra..the Sage of the Six Paths once saved the world from it...**_"

"..." Naruto tried to wrap his head around Tobi's words. Yugito mentioned a sage didn't she?

"_**...the Juubi! The ten-tails...and another piece of it, lays within you Naruto Uzumaki!...the nine Tailed Beasts are nothing more than beings divide from the Juubi's chakra...**_" Tobi explained.

"_**the very methods of sealing such monsters, were passed down from the Sage of the Six Path. After he became the first Jinchuriki!**_" Tobi pointed to Naruto. "_**much like how, the Kyubi is sealed within you!**_"

"..." Naruto looked down at himself. Jiraiya told the actors about the Kyubi?

_**"But the Juubi's chakra was so massive. So foul, that the Sage feared that, when he died the Juubi would be free to Terrorize the world, again...**_" Tobi stated.

"**So on his deathbed. He divided the Juubi's chakra into Nine forms, and sealed the body into the moon...**" Tobi pointed up to the sky.

"..." Naruto followed his direction up...and realized how stupid that was. It was broad daylight!

"_**I will restore the Juubi!...and become it's next jinchuriki...using it's power I will magnify the power of my eyes to the ultimate level!**_" Tobi's sharingan blazed.

"_**...and then I will activate it...a massive scale genjutsu. Reflecting my own eye from the moon's surface...**_" Tobi became more impassioned.

"uh..." Naruto wondered if he should tell the mask guy, he lost Naruto a few lines back.

"_**The Infinite Tsukuyomi!...**_" Tobi announced. "...ahem, or something like that" his voice returned to it's more peppy tone, after a cough.

"eheh" Naruto awkwardly laughed. "...that was pretty good!"

"I've been practicing..." Tobi stated.

"by the way...my characters name was changed to Menma..." Naruto explained.

"...Menma?...of course...how could I forget" Tobi answered, after a long pause. "I see you're wearing the sharingan contacts"

"huh" Naruto said. "oh yeah"

Was he still wearing them? He must have forgotten to take them out after fake Itachi gave them to him. Just then a bunch of crows manifested, and out stepped Itachi.

"everything's, all set!" Itachi stated, as he appeared in a body flicker. "I didn't think this would work out so well!...it took some doing, but everything is in place"

"argh!" Naruto groaned.

The Itachi actor, again! Naruto doesn't want to have to rehearse with him again. The fake Itachi looked toward Naruto, and smirked. Naruto grimaced, in response.

"time for our main character's, death scene huh!" Itachi stated staring at Naruto.

"the pieces are all in place! Now, we can take them all in one go!" Tobi squealed. "I'll be sure to praise Hidan-sempai for his great acting!"

"who's Hidan?" Naruto asked. "another actor? I'm sick of rehearsing"

"then why don't we skip to the real thing...Menma" Itachi smirked.

Suddenly, Itachi's body began twisting, and melting. His skin began turning splotchy, and white. His hair shortened, and took on a green hue. His face divided in two colors. And two large plant-like buds appeared, like the mouth of a venus flytrap.

"what the hell!" Naruto shouted, and took a stance. "what kind of special effect is that?"

"Deidara-sempai, and Pein-sempai, have been waiting patiently for us to give them the signal!" Tobi chirped. "I'll go tell them right now"

Tobi then spiraled out of existence. Naruto's eyes widened as the Akatsuki just vanished into thin air. What kind of body flicker was that?

"this is great! I never thought Hidan would go along with it" Zetsu said, in light voice.

"_not just that. Hidan isn't a well-known ninja. He could get in through security because he's still a nobody_" Zetsu responded to himself, in a deeper voice.

"that's not nice. Konan got in as well!" Zetsu argued with himself.

"_she's a nobody too!_" Zetsu answered himself.

"we got in pretending to be Itachi...he isn't a nobody" Zetsu said to himself.

"_we used his form, but different chakra..._" Zetsu said to himself. "_sensors assumed us a fake. Which of course, we are..._"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Naruto shouted. "okay, you're not actor! Spill it, freak!" he took out a kunai.

Just then Sakura walked in, through the fog. Naruto assumed it was the real thing for a second, then noticed all the make up, and recognised her as Chie-chan.

"CHIE-CHAN RUN!" Naruto shouted to her. "this guy's not an actor! Get out of here! I'll take care of him!"

Chie ignored his warning, and continued stepping forward. Naruto growled in irritation, as she calmly stepped closer. What's up with her? Fighting an Akatsuki, while protecting her wasn't going to easy!

As Chie continued stepping forward. She sweep a hand through her long pink hair...and it fell to the ground. Chie came to a stop beside Zetsu, and stared coldly at Naruto.

Naruto glared back, as he realized the situation. Chie sweep a hand through her now long blue hair, and tied it into a bun. She unfurled an Akatsuki cloak, and put it on.

"...my name is Konan..." Konan introduced herself, dropping all emotion from her face.

"grr" Naruto growled, as he, and the two Akatsuki stared him down. "you..." he muttered, through gritted teeth.

This was infuriating! The actors were Akatsuki this whole time! The Itachi from his room!...and Chie-chan!...Yuck! Naruto rubbed his mouth in disgust. Locking lips with an Akatsuki? There isn't enough toothpaste in the world!

"ho...he remembers that little romantic scene!" Zetsu laughed a bit, at Naruto's actions. "Konan wasn't that bad was she?"

"_keh...who cares...it got the job done..._" Zetsu said to himself.

Naruto made a shadow clone, and prepared a rasengan. These two bastards just volunteered to be first on the ass-kicking list. He charged forward, and reared his arm back.

Naruto then tripped up, and fell face first on the ground. His rasengan dispersed, and his legs were completely numb. He grunted, and struggled, but his body failed to listen to him.

"it's too late..."Konan droned. "the cursed seal has taken affect!"

"what?" Naruto grunted.

Naruto looked at his body, as best he could. His hands were covered in black markings. Akatsuki must have used some kind of Jutsu to paralyze him.

"damn it!...when..." Naruto grunted as he struggled.

"the romance scene! Remember?" Zetsu playfully informed him. "while you were smooching it up, with Konan. She planted a cursed seal on you!"

"_you don't have to explain it to him!_" Zetsu snapped at himself.

"but, it was so good!" Zetsu continued, despite Zetsu's irritation. "she made it nice, and over the top, so Jiraiya, and the Raikage wouldn't notice her jutsu"

"arg! My eyes!" Naruto shouted in pain.

"_...I gave you something, too_" Zetsu laughed, in a rough voice. "_those sharingan were special_"

"I'll kill you!" Naruto growled, as his eyes burned.

Konan walked over and picked up Naruto, in a bridal carry. Naruto grunted, and growled from her actions. But couldn't actually accomplish anything.

"Hidan, and Kakuzu are handling the two-tails..." Zetsu stated to Konan. "...and we'll find the eight-tails during the commotion"

Konan nodded, as Zetsu sunk into the ground, and vanished. Naruto gritted his teeth, as tried opening his eyes. He looked up, and made out a blurry vision of Konan holding him.

"you're not getting away with this..." Naruto snarled. Trying to will his fist to punch Konan in her face.

"...hn..."

Konan grunted, and started dispersing in a flurry of paper. Body flickering herself, and Naruto too another location.

* * *

Yugito swiftly ran into Kumogakure's sewer system. She dodged out of the way as a blood red scythe came crashing down in her wake. Hidan; still looking like Naruto, stepped into the dank tunnels with her.

"so you guys are Akatsuki!" Yugito growled, from a low stance.

"bingo! Genius!" Hidan snarked, retrieving his scythe. "I can finally stop with the stupid acting!"

Hidan then harshly rubbed his face. He snarled when he noticed the absence of make up coming off. He angrily looked toward Kakuzu as stepped out the Shadows, and stood next to him.

"aarrghh! These stupid whiskers won't come off!" Hidan whined. "Damn it! Kakuzu!"

"what are you telling me for?" Kakuzu grumbled.

"it was your stupid idea for me to do this fucking blasphemy!" Hidan shouted, in anger.

"it wasn't my idea" Kakuzu droned. "I just mentioned, how you would be perfect, because you're a nobody"

"grr! Kakuzu!..." Hidan snarled.

"you're only my partner, because you're immortal" Kakuzu glared. "and for your acting skill apparently..."

"grr...you'd better be grateful for me, sneaking you in like this...this whole thing was against the dogma!" Hidan stated.

"I thought you didn't like, the dogma?" Kakuzu asked, in a mocking tone.

"I don't, but because of this...do you know how much praying I'm gonna have to do, to make up for this!" Hidan scowled, and pointed to his face. "I'm a painted whore!"

"it seemed like you were enjoying it?" Kakuzu asked. "what was it you said? Ninjas who hear they've been targeted by us. Shit their pants, and savor it"

"I don't know about you. But I've had a couple of shitters, before I killed them" Hidan laughed, pointing his scythe at Yugito. "and I took few acting classes, back in my village, so what?"

Just then the entrance to the cave exploded, and blocked the only exit behind them. The two looked at the rubble behind them then back to Yugito.

"now that I know you're Akatsuki..." Yugito got down on all fours, and glared. "I can't let you escape here, alive!"

"keh, this works out for us!" Hidan snorted.

"let's do this!" Kakuzu stated, tensing up.

"hold on! Hold on!..." Hidan deeply exhaled, and closed his eyes. He pulled out a necklace with an inverted triangle. " before we do that. I need to be sure, and offer my prayers to God"

"ack! The praying again..." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Hey! I've had to put it off a while, because of all this cloak, and dagger shit!" Hidan snapped. "but now that I have a moment..." he kissed the medallion in his hand.

"HHHHHHAAAAAA!"

Blue flames licked up, around Yugito. A great fire enveloped her, and exploded out. Yugito's lithe form vanished, and in her place stood the snarling visage of the fifty foot tall two-tailed beast.

"you don't have a moment!" Kakuzu growled, in urgency.

The two-tails swung a massive flaming paw down on the Akatsuki members. The two-tails slammed down on Kakazu. Crushing him, in a crater. Hidan looked on annoyed, as he blocked his face from debris.

"aw jeez" Hidan whined.

The two-tails turning to him, with a massive fireball, building up in it's mouth. Caused him to curse his luck for even agreeing to an assignment where he can't kill the target.

The fireball burst from the two-tails mouth. The tunnel trapping them, and the building above it, exploded entirely. Hidan hid behind rubble as large debris fell around him.

"gah...this sucks...it's against my dogma to leave someone half dead" Hidan muttered to himself.

The two-tails roared as it searched for him. Hidan gripped his scythe tightly in his hand. Today was just the worst. Painting himself up like a whore! Pretending to be some playboy with a smoking problem!...Jashin-sama was not going to forgive the day's blasphemy lightly.

"KAKUZU!" Hidan yelled, over the rock he was hiding behind. "DO YOU THINK, SHE'D BE WILLING TO NEGOTIATE A SURRENDER!"

* * *

"Lightning Illusion: Flash Pillar!"

C sparked with electricity, and clicked his teeth. Incredibly bright light enveloped him, and shot out. Asura Path Pein stood dazed, as genjutsu shrouded his senses.

"Lightning Style: Black Panther!" Darui shouted.

Jet black lightning shot out from Darui's body, and dashed towards the Asura path. It smacked into him, and tossed him back in a heap, of twisted metal limbs.

"what's going on C! I thought you said there was only one, intruder!" Darui yelled.

"the sensor team only picked up one intruder, landing in from the sky!" C answered. "I don't know where these others guy came from!"

Asura path got back up, and removed his torn cloak. Six arms spouted out, and three faces appeared. With a long saw blade tail, waving in the air.

"shit! That guy is back up" Darui cursed, and performed handseals. "C! Go find whoever is controlling those summons! I'll deal with him!"

C body Flickered away. Darui returned his attention to the freak in front of him. The Akatsuki he was fighting looked like some kind mechanical nightmare. Figuring out his jutsu is gonna have to come first.

Darui looked up at the sound of an explosion. He glared at the sight of long blonde hair, riding a clay bird in the distance. It was Deidara. indiscriminately blowing up things, in his village.

That ex-Stone nin showed up shortly after the first intruder started a rampage. There was more than just two Akatsuki in the village! Someone was summoning a bunch of difficult to deal with creatures.

What a hell of a time for the Boss, and the Hokage to be away! How did it get this bad? It couldn't have been the actors, could it? Him, and C checked them out themselves.

The actor playing Itachi Uchiha looked the part. But blood samples, and chakra sensing, revealed him to be someone else. And his dna matched up with the actor supposed to be playing him.

Lord Jiraiya vouched for the guy playing the fourth Hokage, himself. And the girl playing Sakura, didn't have any record at all. And not a single report of any criminal, matching her real appearance.

And the Naruto player was some nobody from a former shinobi village turned tourist attraction. Yugakure. A small village even before going civilian.

Hopefully, Samui and her team get to the Raikage fast enough to tell him what's going on. Hopefully the Mizukage didn't come with bad intentions...

* * *

"hahaha" Mei laughed. "oh Hokage, he really landed in an old woman's bathroom butt-naked?"

"hehe...yeah, that old goat Jiraiya...only he could accomplish something so foolish during a during a war" Tsunade laughed.

The three most powerful people of their respective countries. Raikage, Hokage, and Mizukage. Sat in a circle around each other, drinking sake, and telling old stories to each other like old friends.

They set up a simple tent to converse with the each other about the others intentions. Then eventually devolved into light chatter, after a time.

"ha...that's nothing! This one time, during a battle Killer B-" A started but was interrupted.

"RAIKAGE-SAMA!" Samui shouted, unusually raising her voice.

"hm?" A grunted turning around.

Samui, Omoi, and Karui walked in through the tent. Sweat literally dripping off of them. And panting incredibly hard. A stood up, shocked at their state of being.

"what is the matter?" A commanded. "why are you three, so haggard?"

"Raikage-sama!" Karui shouted. "it's the village! It's under attack! Akatsuki just showed up out of nowhere!"

"WHAT!" A bellowed. "THEY DARE!..." he clenched his fists.

"you there!" Tsunade spoke up. "what of the Jinchuriki?"

"...Yugito Nii, and Naruto Uzumaki, are unaccounted for..." Omoi spoke up.

"WHAT!" Tsunade shouted, in shock.

"and B!" A shouted, with worry. "where is B!" A growled.

"our last report has him pegged in the storm cloud ravine" Samui answered. "he's still there as far as we know"

ARGH!" A shouted, as lightning chakra coated him. "Tsunade, we must return to Kumo at once!" he bellowed, turning to her.

"Mizukage!" A addressed Mei, with a glare. "odd that Akatsuki would strike, the moment the Hokage, and myself would be absent!" he said, with an implied accusation.

"I have nothing to do with this!" Mei replied.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" A shouted, slamming the ground, and leaving a crater. "I know full well, of the rumors surrounding Kiri. How they say Akatsuki formed in Kiri!"

"then shall I prove those rumors false?" Mei said, placing a hand on her chest. "allow me to assist you in driving out Akatsuki from your village!"

"WHAT! And give you the opportunity to join up with them, and stab us in the back? Like Hell!" A roared, raising a fist.

"RAIKAGE!" Tsunade shouted.

"what?" A growled, not taking his eyes off Mei.

"whether or not she's telling the truth, is irrelevent!" Tsunade stated. "right now your village is in danger, and we're going to need all the help we can get"

"what are you implying..." A turned an eye to Tsunade. "that I just accept her, on faith alone!"

"your village needs us...are you not willing to gamble on her honesty, if it means saving your village" Tsunade stated.

"grr..." A growled, then sighed. "Mizukage! The shinobi you have brought with you. Are they armed?"

"yes" Mei answered. "Ao!" she then called out.

"yes, Mizukage-sama!" Ao stated walking in to the tent.

"take those three Kumo ninja there, and inform the men to prepare for battle" Mei commanded. Ao nodded in response. "Tell them today, we defend Kumogakure!"

"Samui, Omoi, Karui! Brief the Mist ninja on everything you know then join the battle quickly!" A commanded, and took a running stance.

"YES! SIR!" team Samui answered then, took off.

"Hokage! Mizukage!" A shouted, addressing the two. "climb on my back! I shall get us back to Kumo with my maximum speed"

The two ladies did as told, and clutched to A. His wide back, and shoulders provided plenty of room for the both of them. They gripped him as tightly as they could. A maximum speed was legendary. Just holding on to him may be hardest part of the fight.

"Mizukage..." A grumbled. "I sincerely hope you aren't lying" he gritted his teeth.

* * *

"KAKUZU! DAMN IT!" Hidan shouted. "you interrupted the ceremony!"

Hidan stood in a large blood drawn circle. His skin was jet black, and skeletal markings covering his body. He sighed as the marking vanished, and his skin returned to normal, but still Naruto-like visage.

"we don't have time for your stupid ceremonies" Kakuzu grumbled, putting an unconsicous Yugito over his shoulder. "the Raikage, and Hokage could be back any minute"

"grr..." Hidan pulled a spike impaling him in the leg, out with a grunt. "such sacrilege! Jashin-sama won't be so forgiving!"

"move it along!" Kakuzu grumbled.

"OOOOUUUUUCCCCHHHH!" Hidan shouted, holding his face.

"what's wrong now?" Kakuzu sighed.

"grr...uh...my face still hurts from when that pink bitch, hit me!" Hidan whined.

"..." Kakuzu sighed. "after doing that creepy ceremony. That's what hurts the most?"

"shut up...argh!" Hidan nasally whined, holding his face. "I wanna rampage some more!"

"we have to go" Kakuzu stated.

"what about the other jinchuriki? Naruto! The bastard, let's go wreck him next!" Hidan said, retrieving his scythe. "pretending to be that dick, really pissed me off!"

"the nine-tails is already being taken care of..." Kakuzu droned. "and the boss himself, is searching the eight-tails...our part's over"

"damn it! Today is just a mess" Hidan whined, taking out his blue contacts. "it's gonna take forever to wash this blonde crap out of my ha-"

Sakura haruno, Asuma Sarutobi, And Kurenai Yuuhi body flickering before them, stifled Hidan's whining. Kakuzu glared at the intruders, but was secretly glad something finally shut his partner up.

"you...so you were Akatsuki the whole time" Sakura growled at Hidan. "I'm gonna make you pay, for Kissing me, you sick freak!" she shouted.

"..." Asuma raised a curious eyebrow, but kept focused.

"so Akatsuki really did manage to infiltrate, before the attack started" Kurenai mumbled. "I recognize the guy in the mask. Kakuzu; a dangerous bounty hunter"

"what about the other guy?" Asuma asked, looking for more info.

"don't know! He looks like Naruto right now. But I can only assume..." Kurenai stated. Hidan raised an expecting eyebrow. "...he's a nobody..."

"gah!" Hidan grunted in irritation, after hearing her.

"he couldn't have snuck in, if he were well-known..." Kurenai finished.

"grrah! Kakuzu! Since they've already discovered us. We may as well kill them, on our way out, right!" Hidan looked to Kakuzu.

"...suppose, there's no helping it now..." Kakuzu dropped Yugito to ground. "...guess this jinchuriki made enough noise, to draw attention...even with Deidara around"

"Kakuzu, stay of this! Let me handle them" Hidan said, gripping his scythe. "I gotta repent to god for my sins, with a slaughter!"

"...and I gotta pay you back for that punch from earlier..." Hidan glared, and pointed his scythe at Sakura. "you heathens, are going down"

Hidan reeled back his arm, and swung his scythe at the group. He let it fly from his hand, and soar straight for Sakura's head. Sakura stood her ground as the weapon flew closer to her.

Right as it got close enough to strike her. Sakura punched the scythe with her right hand. Hidan's scythe shattered into a million pieces. Hidan dragged back his broken cable, and inspected it.

"Jashin-sama!" Hidan invoked the name of his lord, in shock. "I knew you had monster punching, but Jashin alive!...my scythe!"

"Hidan!" Kakuzu called. Hidan turned to him. "...that's the girl who defeated Sasori...she's a priority, remember!"

"hn" Hidan grimaced.

"did you get the sample from when you made out with her" Kakuzu asked, with a bit more mocking than needed.

"...yeah" Hidan hesitantly answered.

"then what are you wasting time trying to hit her for? Use it" Kakuzu commanded.

"grah...it's against the dogma..." Hidan growled. "I'm supposed to get it in combat. Not some underhanded blasphemy"

"we don't have time..." Kakuzu argued. "and that guy with the beard..."

Asuma tensed up at the address. After hearing Kakashi's report about his battle with Akatsuki, they had to be cautious, going up against them. He suppressed a sigh. All he wanted to do was have a peaceful dinner with Kurenai.

"...he's got an impressive bounty on him...you'll wind up dead, if don't move it" Kakuzu warned.

"bah!" Hidan grumbled. "looks like you'll be the first see Jashin-sama, my pink vixen!" he took out a black spike.

"..." Sakura tensed up, and readied herself.

What were those two talking about? A sample from her? What use is something like that going to be? Regardless they had to take them out fast, and hard.

"kuranai-sensei, how much do you know about that Kakuzu guy?" Sakura whispered.

"not much, unfortunately! He's from hidden waterfall, and a powerful bounty hunter" Kurenai Answered.

"hey!" Hidan interrupted their talking. "you think you people, can win with a little strategy!" he took out a small vial containing blood.

"the judgement of Jashin-sama will come without mercy" Hidan smirked, and soaked his spike in the blood.

"the vial was a lot cleaner, than that spike, idiot!" Kakuzu chided.

"shut up!" Hidan snapped. "...just let me enjoy this..."

Hidan licked the spike, and lapped up the blood on it. Asuma tried raking his brain over the meaning his actions. While Sakura suppressed a disgusted shudder, from the look on Hidan's face as he drink her blood.

Hidan twitched, and grinned, while his skin became black, and white skeleton outlines appeared on his skin. Kurenai glared while attempting find analyze his jutsu. The Akatsuki's chakra failed to change, so what happened?

"kahahahahaha...I'll start at the toes...and work my way up..." Hidan stabbed himself in the right foot.

"KKKKYYYYAAAA!" Sakura shouted, while falling to the ground.

"what the..." Asuma looked to Sakura, and back to Hidan.

Sakura lay on the ground. Her right foot, bleeding profusely. Asuma noted that Sakura was just mysteriously injured in the same place the Akatsuki just was.

"next your legs!" Hidan snarled. "...it might take me a few hours kahahahahaha!"

Kurenai attended to Sakura, while Asuma stood his ground against Hidan. He glanced at the other Akatsuki. Kakuzu simply stood out the way.

The plan was to leave immediately. But a tantalizing bounty appeared before him. Kakuzu wasn't one to just leave money laying on the side of the road.

"Jashin-sama's Wrath! Chapter Fifty! Scene...hahahahaha" Hidan laughed, maniacally.

* * *

Naruto twitched, and grunted. His eyes hurt to much to open them. But the feeling of wind against his skin told him Konan was carrying him at fast pace.

Konan was currently flying him across the village. The nine-tails capture was completed, so all she had to do was get Naruto to Nagato, and return to assist in finding the eight-tails.

"where are you taking me?" Naruto growled.

"..." Konan simply kept flying.

"what are you gonna do to me?" Naruto asked, through gritted teeth.

"..."

"grr you bitch!" Naruto snarled, at the lack of response.

Damn it! This day went to hell quickly. He was helpless while Konan took him to, wherever she was going. Worst of all, they said something about Yugito being handled.

Damn! Damn! Damn! The situation with Gaara was happening again! He just made friends with Yugito! He's right here, but he can't save her...He's right here, but he can't move a damned muscle!

Wait!...he can't move his limbs, right now...But what if he made another? Yugito just taught him how to do that. Naruto concentrated hard, tried to work up the demon chakra. God did it feel so far away...

"nrg!" Naruto grunted. "hrrg!"

"..." Konan turned an eye to him.

"arg! Ngh! Kgr! Gur!" Naruto continued grunting.

"...it's useless...that cursed seal was made especially for jinchuriki..." Konan stated, finding Naruto's mewling, tiresome.

"hah!" Naruto shouted.

Konan dropped Naruto as an orange tail swiped at her. She turned into paper, and let the attack harmlessly pass through her. Naruto grunted as he roughly hit the ground.

Konan glared slightly, as Naruto lay face down. His tail held menacingly in the air. Naruto's eyes were still burned closed. Konan flapped her paper wings, getting closer to Naruto.

Hearing her. Naruto charged chakra into his tail, and struck out where he heard her. His tail extended several feet, heading quickly towards her. Konan flew out the way, as Naruto's tail crashed through a building, destroying part of it.

Naruto grimaced, and tried opening his eyes. Everything was still all blurry. He brought his tail back, around him. He could tell that attack missed Konan by a mile. Things were bad! Better than before but still so bad.

He still couldn't move, and he didn't have his eyes. Not to mention, the sounds of destruction going on around him was preventing him honing in on Konan location.

* * *

**This chapter was supposed to be apart of the last chapter, but...too long.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**see ya later...**


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